Reflecting

I don't make resolutions. In fact I positively HATE New Years and all things that accompany it. And this has been an especially bad "holiday" season for me so I will be really happy when life returns to "normal"

That being said ...

I have spent alot of this holiday season sick in bed. And I have had a chance to do alot of thinking - OH NO!

And I have realized a few things. It's been just over a year now, since I first started talking to Mr Experience and 3 days shy of a year since I met FormerD. And what a year it has been!!!

I do owe credit to Mr Experience ... for it was he that opened the gate that leads to this path. If it had only been just him .. I would have let the gate door hit me in the ass on my way out though. Thanks but no thanks.

No it was really FormerD that lead me down here. It was he that showed me what D/s could really be like. "Do you think BDSM is for you, precious?"  ...

That would be a resounding YES, SIR!!

And I will forever be grateful that he did.

It's been a very bumpy road for me .. so far. But I have learned so much about myself .. I have grown & I have changed. Maybe that's a good thing .. maybe it isn't? Well for me it is. *shrug*

I will never go back to being vanilla .. and it's not even for the dirty sex either.

Despite all the growth etc .. I still managed to spend most of this past year alone. But I know where I am heading & I know what I want ... so I do look ever forward to the next great thing.

The learning curve has been steep & hopefully it always will be. We should always be learning.

I am done living in the past. I am done pining over people that don't want me. I am done not being good enough.

With this new year, I am going forward. Who knows what it will bring.

SafeD came back to work today but alas we did not go for coffee ... it was -40 deg Celsius with the wind chill ... made for a very cranky SafeD. Anyway, I don't know ... that seems to be still on the back burner.

Things are not working out with Mr Hockey. He is a really really great guy .. I talk with him daily. But he is too vanilla. I have tried to talk to him .. be open & honest but he is not having any of it. He doesn't want to understand or communicate. We are still friends but that is all we will ever be. I am okay with that. Like I said, he is fun.

The tumblrverse has been very kind to me. I have met alot of people .. alot of Doms on there. Really nice, & pretty down to earth. Who knows ... there might just be something in that.

I am going to try to start getting more "out there" in the local community. SafeD has promised that whenever I want to go I .. I can join him & his wife (the Domme!!!). "We are fun people" he tells me. I don't know .. I am leery of her though .. I have met her a couple of times now ... very Domme like. But I know she wants to meet my Ewok!!! SafeD mentions it all the time ....... kinda scary.

So no resolutions from me ... just moving forward & moving on ... putting 2013 & my first year in this lifestyle to bed, once & for all.

To quote a good friend of mine ... "2014 is going to be MY BITCH"

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.