Saturday, October 25, 2014

A Fond Farewell

I am sure that people are sick of reading about this now. I am almost done. Just one more than it is time to move forward. Yes this has really affected me, on so many levels, professionally, personally and emotionally.

(it's what happens when you are an emotional creature) *shrug*

We bid a heartfelt and emotional farewell to "Canada's Son" yesterday (his funeral it not until Tuesday but he went home to Hamilton yesterday).

Nathan left our fair city yesterday. He got to travel the Highway of Heroes. The Highway of Heroes is a stretch of highway that starts in Trenton & goes to Toronto. And it received it's name because all of fatalities from the war in Afghanistan travelled that road. And it's a remarkable piece of road. Whenever there was a fallen solider that was returning home ... people began to gather to pay their respects .. first police and firefighters and then everyday citizens ... paying tribute to those have gave their lives.

Nathan's Motorcade

It has not been a road travelled for a very long time. Until yesterday. And the Highway of Heroes was expanded. From the funeral home that Nathan was resting in (which is a 5 minute walk from my house but unfortunately I was stuck at work) all the way to the funeral home in his home town of Hamilton (a 6-7 hour journey) all the way down to Hamilton. It gave a lot of new communities the chance to experience something so profound and the fact that it was for "Canada's Son", who was gunned down so brazenly, while guarding with honour the Tomb of the Unknown Solider. Well the people "got it" .. they understood. And they came out .. by the thousand! Every step of the way. Every overpass was overflowing with people. There is no way of knowing the numbers but I would venture to say tens of thousands of people!

It was amazing and beautiful to see. I couldn't have been prouder to be a Canadian. 

My Brat & I ... we couldn't be a part of  the Highway of Heroes but after work, we went to the War Memorial, which had just been official reopened earlier ... Honour Guards back on their posts. I really needed to go there, to pay my respects, to reflect. It gave me some closure. We were not alone. I suspect thousands of people will come .. say thank you, say good bye. 

And with that I am done. There is nothing left to do but to move forward. 

Obviously it has been an emotional week for me & this blog has given me the perfect outlet. I want to thank everybody for listening to me and for EVERYONE that have reached out and checking to see if I was ok. I do appreciate it all. 

And a big thank you MyWolf for Your unwavering support (He even wore red for me yesterday, in tribute & support). You take such good care of me and You are ALWAYS there for me, no matter what! I would be so lost without You! I am a very lucky lucky kittie! 

.... we now return you to your regularily schedualled kinkiness ;) 

Thursday, October 23, 2014


It was a very surreal day today. Going back downtown .. to work. Life goes on. But it was weird. I didn't get anything done today at all. My head was swimming. Stress is NOT my friend. Sirens freaked me out all day. I am use to them .. I work downtown after all but today .. no, just no.

Parliament resumed today but all the politicians gathered at the war memorial to pay tribute to our fallen soldier, before going to work. It poignant. 

But as the Prime Minister was laying a wreath .. some asshole crossed over the police tape & cops went nuts. There is video showing them yelling .. guns drawn and arresting him. High drama. 

I received this message on my facebook page last night .. from a co-worker, which I thought was totally bizarre:

"Thank you for having the balls to stay til everyone was out today. Some ship we have when the management leaves and doesn't let anyone know."

I didn't DO anything.

But then this morning, my supervisor (who was off sick yesterday, leaving me as acting supervisor), a Master Corporal in the military reserve, was singing my praises. You did good! Thank you! It was a good thing you were here!


Then Manon ... our senior military person, who is regular force (she was stuck in lock down at the military hospital all day yesterday), she too sought me out & sang my praises.

"But I didn't do ANYTHING!"

Our supervisor (who is a retired Commanding Officer) has no leadership qualities what's so ever. She didn't know what to do. Our "lockdown" was a farce yesterday, we had no direction. We were allowed to come & go as we pleased "at our own" risk. She was not given any direction from her superiors yesterday until late in the day. She came to me with the directive "it is highly recommended that your personnel stay put until the lockdown order has been rescinded" ... but she left at 330 to catch her bus.  *shrug*

All I did was talk to people & made sure that stayed safe ... were not going anywhere near the epi-centre & had a way home. I don't think that it was anything special. Especially in the light of all the shit that was going down just a couple blocks away. But whatever.

So anyway, life goes on ....

I have been obsessing all day. I have been weary all day. My head has been throbbing all day. It has coloured my judgement .. I have been rude & standoffish to people that didn't really deserve it. I have not been myself today.

I was a small part of a major incident in my beloved country, in my beloved city, in my beloved military. I was on the outside looking in. But it has effecting profoundly. I am both defensive & offensive. A victim(?) and/or a soldier who vowed to protect her country a long time ago? Both probably ... I guess.

But I am tired now .. exhausted. I am going to bed. I thank everyone who has read the past few posts. Thank you for reading, thank you for your tolerance and especially thank those of you who have contacting me and expressed your concern for my safety and well being. I REALLY do appreciate it. 

Peace Out

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

True North Strong and FREE!

Phew what a day! What a week! And it's only Wednesday.

It was a long day. As I stated, we were in lockdown for most of it. I was the last to leave just around 5pm. Taking the bus home thru the downtown core .. just 2 streets down from where all the "action" is. Sooooo many cop cars & emergency vehicles. I drove by the Memorial where this beautiful young man was brutally shot 4 times in the chest at point blank change. It was completely encircled by RCMP vehicles.

Cpl. Nathan Frank Cirillo
24 years old and a new father

My bus also took me by the National Defence Headquarters (or as I like to call it Disneyworld on the Rideau) ... no less than 8 armed military police officers standing guard at that one entrance. I know that they were at every entrance. Like there are now more than likely armed guards at every entrance to every military base we have .. here & abroad.

I feel so helpless. I work for the military. I am the military. I have been military since I was 16 years old. It is in my blood. My blood is boiling. I want nothing more than to grab my uniform, get a weapon & hunt down all these new fangled "radicalized" citizens. Teach them what being Canadian is really all about.

It is my job, it is my duty ... to protect this country. Just because I got sick & I "retired" ... that doesn't go away. It's ingrained in me .. it's what I lived most of my life for. 

But no I sat in my office, locked down, safe and helpless. 

(hmmmm it's too bad that whoever made that  gif of the flag didn't know how to spell cuz in Canada we HONOUR our soldiers not honor them) *sighs* 

I know I am ranting .... I am exhausted. 

I am very grateful though .. for my family & my friends who checked in on me and who worried about me. But I am especially grateful for my Wolf. He is my very protective Daddy & I am soooooo lucky to have Him in my life. To worry about me, to protect me ... to love me. I would still be lost without him. 

Bring It Motherfuckers!

I am mad now. It's hour 6 of our lockdown. The shock is over, the adrenaline rush has crashed away & I  am contemplating going home now. The lockdown is still in effect. They are still looking for suspects. I am sitting at my desk, in my Bldg ... Working for the Department of National Defence. Been sitting here all day ... Not getting any work done, stuck in my building as the events unfold a mere 2 blocks away from me. 

This  is the second soldier that has been killed by some wannabe terrorist fucktards! On Mobday a converted Islamic follower of Isis lay in wait for that target of opportunity & when he saw it he took it ... Ran over 2 Canadian soliders in a parking lot & took off. He was shot & killed ... Good fucking riddance.

One of the soldiers died

And then today ... Out of the blue, a solider who had the honour of standing guard over our War Memorial and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was shot ... In the chest ... At point blank range. By a mother fucking coward. 

He did not survive.

And the day unfolded from there ... Bedlam, lots of conflicting reports ... 1 shooter, 2 shooters 3 shooters ... More. 

We have been lucking ... 5 victims ... Including one dead soldier ... 1 dead suspect.  And still we don't know. The whole downtown corridor is on high alert ... No way to know if it's over, no way to know how many we are looking for. 

And I fear it is just the beginning .....

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

as promised .... BUTT PLUG OF THE MONTH CLUB!

When Sir Wolf & I really started to get "into each" other, we maybe went into a kind of a frenzy of sorts. Lots of toys & lingerie and (my favourite) boots were bought! Thankfully we have slowed down a bit.

Anyway, I got to joking around with a friend about having butt plugs & she agreed .. we started comparing notes etc etc  .. & I sort of said something along the lines of "geez, I feel like I have been enrolled in the butt plug of the month club" .. thus the joke was born.

It all started with one. The little purple fella up there (pic). The one that was bought so long ago & never used. Sir Wolf changed that rather quickly and I found myself back in the world of ... anal exploration (???). Previously I had been a born again anal virgin. I had dabbled when I was younger but illness just sort of took THAT away. I literally did not have anything to do with anal for about 8-10 years .. it just wasn't worth it.

Well, Sir Wolf was having none of that! And quite frankly neither was I .. I believe I actually pushed him a bit to open that "door" again. FINALLY.  (note: I can't do anal all the time but when I can .. I am, shall we say ... all in!)

Next came the vibrating plug ... the black one with the bullet sticking out. It is not the original bullet as that requires watch batteries ... nothing I hate worse that having to buy watch batteries. So I improvised. I like this turbo charged fella, although I hate black toys .. they are very cold & industrial to me, and it is the biggest of the "collection" ... then came the princess plug. We MUST have a princess plug. I actually have 2 ... the other is in Texas with Sir Wolf .. I have yet to see it but he says it is HUGE! O.o

I should also mention there is another at Sir Wolf's - a small, black one. I can't even say I remember seeing it but I do remember feeling it! ;)

And lastly we come to my newest & most favourite. My kittie tail. Surprising comfortable but I have yet to learn how to walk without tripping over it & yanking it out in the process!!! Hmmmm, maybe 4 feet is a tad bit too long! :D

So there you go ... 6 butt plugs ... and on 15 October we will be celebrating 6 months! OMG!!!6 months already!!! Time really does fly!!!

.,,,, now about that boot of the month club .........................  ;)

Not All Doom & Gloom ..

In 2 days I am leaving for Texas!!!!


This weekend is my Thanksgiving long weekend (we only get 3 days in Canada) ... I am making it an extended 6 day weekend.

I haven't seen Sir Wolf since the end of June.

It's time for some bonding, cuddles, spanks, and conjugal visits!

Quality time. ;)

And after the summer I have had (we both have had really) ... I need this ... he needs this.
(I only hope that my health issues don't fuck things up)