Why is that?

Why is it that when I (as a sub) am "horny" (really hate that word) & there is nobody around to take care of my needs .... do I not just want to masturbate but I want it all ... to be beaten (self inflicted but directed ouchies), plugged, clamped, stuffed with dildo to the hilt, gagged, bound AND then take my wand & go to town???? (and even then it's still not as much fun alone)

Why??? Anybody?

(yes myBatman is still around, just uber busy at the moment)