Saturday, March 29, 2014

Am I Even Awake???

Hiya Blogger Buddies,

I apparently disappeared for a little while. I didn't really mean to do it. I guess I just kinda needed a break.

It's been a long old winter for so many of us, hasn't it?

I don't even mind the snow so much as I do the flippin' freezing weather we have been experience. It hags sapped the life right out of me. But I try not give in to the constant exhaustion I have been dealing with for month.

Now for the second day in a row, our temperatures have actual stayed above 0 (Celsius). Praise Jebus & let's hope we finally turned the corner!  

I have actually been quite busy, with things only getting busier as the next 6 weeks or so, go by. It is time to dust off our old booth from last years comicon & build from there.

I am really looking forward to that after such a long sucky winter. 

I don't really have anything else. There are absolutely no new developments. SafeD & I are still doing coffee once a week. *shrug* the more I get to know him the less I want to play with him. Apparently I am just not that kind  of sub ... who can just bottom for anyone. *shrug* With FormerD ... it is a standing offer, if  he can "ever find the time" .. *shrug* I am pretty much done trying to "make" anything happen. I am just happy to live my life as I have always done .... 

... besides, what's that expression?? Oh yeah ... 

"life happens when you least expect it"  

... something like that anyway. 


Thursday, March 13, 2014

A Fantasy Spanker?

joeyred51 asked:

Do  you have a fantasy hero who you want to spank you? 

Wow, this is a really hard question. It's not really something I have ever really thought about ...  unless I can count MyBatman *giggles*! The thought of being with him in "real life" was very exciting but also kinda terrifying all at the same time ... (the way his DOMLY mind worked!!! .. OH BOY!)

But fantasy hero? Hmmm,

Well every time I see Ian Somerhalder on TV (Damon, The Vampire Diaries), I want to jump through the screen & let him do VERY BAD things to me!!!

It's his EYES ... HONEST!!! (I would so get very lost in those eyes)

I honestly don't think of ttwd, as just a spanking though. It is the whole enchilada for me . spanking would be just a part of it.

And there are three Doms out there, between blogland & tumblr, that I would literally, without doubt, submit to immediately ... throw myself at their feet, no questions asked. They are the "fantasy heroes" to me. They epitomize everything about being a "true" Dom that I could ever imagine or dream of! They are my "heroes" and the basis for which I set my "standards" for. And the best part of that, is that they are all too real, If i could find somebody half as amazing as these  "fantasy heroes" I would colour myself very lucky indeed. 

Thanks for the question Joey (and I am so happy to hear that your recovery is going well)!!!


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

It's the Little Things - An Answer for Tiklish

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but above you described how hot and sensual and different from how you ever imagined it would be it was the first time with FormerD. Can you give any more specifics in your description, or, do you have any idea if there's any video out there of it being done this hot sensual way? Because, like you said, there's porn, but if there's a better hotter more sensual way to do this, I'd love to know what it is, so I could show Master. Hee

Oh, Tiklish .. you don't know how much I love this question! I don't think it is odd at all!!! (you might even be sorry that you asked, because I will probably babble on forever)

About the details of the hot & sensual of my first time, I have it all written down in this post first night pt 1, this post: pt 2 and finally this post: pt 3

And you can read about our last night together here: the last kiss

I go into quite a bit of detail about two very significant nights that I had with FormerD. 

It was not always like that though .. sometimes time got in the way and sometimes without meaning to ... you just need a good hard fuck. 

Both FormerD and subsequently MyBatman controlled the play/sex. They were the Dom's after all .. I just held on & enjoyed the ride. I was very lucky that they were both very sexy&sexual (meaning they loved sex), albeit in vastly different ways. 
Nope to me, it's the Dom/Master's responsibility for the physical acts. To me, I liked to create the little things. 

Before our first night together FormerD had a very specific list of instructions he wanted me to fill. He wanted candles, background music, my favourite toy as well as my collar out at the ready for his use, and condoms (we almost forgot the condoms!!!). I wanted to create the mood. So as I embellished where I could. I had a nice "table cloth" laid out on the coffee table to hold my toys etc, I put the condoms into a pretty dish vice leaving them in the box or just lying on the table, I made sure that my wand was plugged in to an extension cord. I made a special play list of soft music (I like to call it mush music .. soft, romantic type of stuff), all the candles were strategically placed to throw off the proper amount of light. The little things. 

 everything laid out, in a pleasing manner & ready for His use. 

For subsequent dates, I kept everything the same, only embellished more. Our second date he had requested food, a "sandwich", as he would be coming to my place directly from work & would be hungry. Again, I embellished .. the sandwich was put on a plate & covered with a pretty napkin so it wouldn't dry out & also a plate, with cheese, crackers & grapes to give him something to nibble on (besides me). And water, we had forgotten water the first night & considering neither of us spoke that entire night, I couldn't ask. So I also put out two glasses of water ... in wine glasses, just to add to ambiance. (he would give me water throughout the evening as I was still blindfolded & I think I actually wore more than I drank). 

And for his part, FormerD did not like to plan out scenes in advance. He might have a general idea about what he wanted to do but usually just let instinct guide him. But he is a sensual man & he had also known through our many many conversations that I am a very touchy feely type person. I crave touch .. whether it be hands, mouth or whatever .. skin on skin is the best. And I love to touch as well. But he knew this about me and he used it to his advantage. Even when he was leaving me that first night .. still blindfold, exhausted & hurting (in a good way), kneeling, with my ass in the air & forehead on the floor, naked, he slowly got dressed, stopping often to caress my butt, stroke my hair, kiss my shoulder. At one point, he even got down on the floor in front of me,  lifted my head & gave me one last kiss on my lips before he left. There were lots cuddles and hugs throughout that  first night & subsequent nights that followed. 

And when I was given free reign to worship him .. I would not settle for just a blow job. Nope, I wanted to explore all of him, to worship his whole body & not just his cock. Like I said when I was allowed free access, I took advantage to feel, touch, and taste his entire body .. to explore & get to know him.

Of course, not all  sessions were like that. We had some quickly scheduled quickies" when he was able to find a spare hour between work & picking up his kids. Those times we just got down & dirty .. but still there was lots of giggling & playing spread throughout. 

One time he even surprised me by showing up at my house unannounced. Of course I was in a pair of junky old sweats & a ratty t-shirt too. But he was really frazzled ... work was exploding, his kids were still having a hard time adjusting to the separation and his mother had just fallen & hurt her knee really badly. He was so frazzled. "I just wanted to see you" was what he said to me. We sat on the couch and chatted for about 5 minutes before he went all Domly on me & asked me why I had clothes on! *giggles* .. we resumed talking & it didn't even bother me that I was now completely naked!!! But it wasn't too long before I was kneeling on the floor before him because he NEEDED a foot message, & I should fuck the foot that was not getting messaged! O.O ... that was an interesting experience. It wasn't too long that I was draped over the back of the couch & his belt was out! And finally have a good hard fucking from behind (I remember he didn't even take his shirt off!!!), he had to get back to his mothers. When he was leaving, he looked kind of bewildered & sheepish ... "honestly I DIDN'T come here for that" ... to me though, he really looked like he just wanted to crawl up into the bed with me & sleep there for the rest of the night!

With MyBatman, things were alot different. Although he was alot more experienced, way more Domly, and certainly vastly more more hands on than FormerD ever was, we did not have the luxury of physicality. Nope, we pretty much only had email, so our words became essential. We spent alot of time "together" MyBatman & I ... way more than I could have ever hoped for with FormerD. We talked pretty much from the moment we would wake up til it was time for bed. We had a really big connection to each other that was both easy & electric .. you could literally feel it thru the web. *smiles*

MyBatman had rituals ... I was to send him emails every morning, with a picture of the panties I was going to wear for the day. And he also wanted me in my collar & cuffs while I was at home (I allowed to remove my collar to sleep in). I had an assigned task everyday (a specific time was never really established but it kind of evolved into an 11am private bathroom at work task). The tasks were hard ... always new territory for me, and I was required to write him a detailed report on how I made out. As with FormerD, I wanted to put my own little touches into this dynamic and one of the ways I found to do it was with pictures. So when i was doing my daily task .. I would always snap a few pictures of the 'results". Without it being required, I would send Him, a couple of the photos .. never too revealing though, but he seemed to like the added visuals that accompanied my required reports. Again as with FormerD, it's the little things that help to keep things refreshing.

the very first task

But I did not just leave it to the tasks. We were very visual ... and sent many a photo back & forth, usually something hot & dirty from tumblr. But again, without ever being asked .. I would send some selfies ... especially if he had me doing "unscheduled" tasks that he would come up with on the fly. It got to be a fun challenge for me, to take "naughty' pictures without actually revealing anything "too revealing". I even tried to get artistic about it. *giggles* 

Ooops, IT'S not working!!!!! 

So when all you have is email, communication becomes even more important than in RL. It requires alot of faith & imagination to keep things from becoming mundane or even silly. And HOLY HANNA, it's so difficult to type,  when you are fair to bursting, and you need to ask permission to cum ... THANK YOU AUTO CORRECT, you are both a blessing & a curse! 

cuffs & chains were the must have fashion accessory of the season! 

Before I met MyBatman I never thought I would be able to do the whole Online thing. I thought it would be weird & I would feel silly. But not once did I feel that way. It was just as real as my time with FormerD .. even when I was ordered to walk around my house with nothing but a shirt, collar & cuffs on. Or to crawl over to my water dish for a drink of water in the middle of the night. 

possibly my favourite picture I ever took for him. 
Those cuffs became like a second skin & I missed them whenever I had to take them off.

So Tiklish, I hope that I managed to answer your question. Of course, each relationship/dynamic is different .. the connect & chemistry, wants, desires, are all dependant on the individuals. I like to play around & figure out what my partner likes & dislikes. Like I said, they are Dom, they like to control (duh) but the little things that you can inject into your dynamic, might enhance what you already have. And don't forget to ask him, what he liked .. what he didn't like. Communication is key! 

I do not have any really good video sites that I have come across, that really delves into the more sensual side of things ..PORN *sighs*. I do recommend you read my posts that I have linked, for a thoroughly detailed accounting of just how those 2 nights went down. And you can check out my tumblr .. I tend to post alot of sensual pics, & gif (as well as the more hardcore fantasy type stuff). 

Thank you for the question. I have enjoyed babbling on & on about the little things. 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Back to the Grind & Just Another Sub's (JAS) question

Ugggh! Back to the grind & this NEVER ending winter .. seriously STOP NOW!

JAS has some really good questions! (I can't wait to catch up & start asking questions of my own!)

1. What's your favourite book/series? Is there any genre that you prefer and are there any genres you avoid? 

I love the Star Wars novel ... I have over 200 of them. I think there are probably 350 and counting. No, I have not read all the ones I have but I am working on it .. I think I am at about 85!

I also loved the Harry Potter Books. When Book 7 came out, I read it 4 times in a row. I mean I finished it & IMMEDIATELY started right back at the beginning again .. 4 times! I have read each book several times.

I have loved the Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder, since I was a kid ... I have read them all several times & will continue to do so.

Stephen King is another great favourite! It has to be my favourite! It was so complicated to read .. I would have to go back and re-read certain parts because it jumped around so much! Brilliant writing.

I also love historical romances. Johanna Lindsey & Kathleen E. Woodiwiss are my favs. I can literally sit at the cottage all day .. out on the deck in the sunshine & read an entire book in one day.

I am actually, not a fan of alot of genres .. I hate SCI-FI *I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!,  And most genres not listed above. I will read almost anything but if it has not caught my attention within the first chapter I am apt not to continue to read it.

Oh yes, and I actually did like the 50 shades series, not for it's accuracy but for it's purely fictitious entertainment value (well the 3rd book DID really suck but the first 2 I liked) ... don't roast me - I know it's poorly written but I don't care! :P

2. Is there anything you had preconceptions of involving ttwd that turned out to be completely wrong once you experienced it? 

Preconceptions? The only thing I REALLY knew about ttwd is the porn aspects. I had once gone to a fetfair ... a long time ago, where everything was on display & that this silly young girls (18-20 year olds) were throwing themselves at "Doms" to be spanked etc etc .. it really was laughable. And I knew of some "Doms" & "subs" in the local goth community that were all about the public show .. it was all about collars & whips & chains & "DOMLY ARROGANCE" ... And I knew the porn I had secretly been watching online. It was all cold & dungeons, & whips & chains, mass orgies. It all seemed so cold, & impersonal ... and alot of it made me wetter than wet! It had tweak my interest alot. My ex & I experimented a little bit but it was most unsatisfactory to me. I would have loved to "try" it. But I was far too shy to EVER act on my curiosities.

Then I met Mr Experience on Plenty of Fish .. quite by chance. He didn't really "talk" to me though & I never really understood. I met FormerD shortly after that & what a difference. He spent alot of time TALKING to me .. asking questions. And saying things like "I would use you as a fuck toy, humiliate & dehumanize you, why would you want to do this?" Over & over again he would ask me these questions ... sprinkled in with getting to know each other etc etc. I had never had so many frank & open conversations before about sex, & everything & anything.

But none of that prepared me for that first time with FormerD. Sure I did have my "first BDSM" experience with Mr Experience but it was more like being with a bumbling idiot who would rather watch porn on my iPad than Dominate me. It wasn't at all what I thought it was supposed to be. All I still knew was the "porn" aspect of it all.  NOTHING prepared me for my first real experience with TTWD! I don't think that FormerD could have explained it either .. I am not sure it was what he expected either.

I didn't REALLY know what to expect (except the porn, the whips & chains etc) but what I got!!! HOLY HANNA!!!!!!

It was hot, it was sensual, you could feel the sexual energy & tension in the room. Every touch, whether it be hard or soft, made me weak in the knees. It was nothing like what I didn't know what to expect, and it was so much more than I ever could have imagined. Well I would have NEVER imagined it would be so hot, so erotic, so sensual .. did I mention HOT??? I was literally euphoric for days afterwards! And though I didn't know it at the time .. I was HOOKED!

3. If you could tell the you from 20 years ago one thing, what would that be?


Honestly! If I knew then what I know now!!!!

But really, it's not something I dwell on .. the past & what I should or should not have done etc.

I truly believe that we are the sum of our past. If I wasn't such a shy, scared, introvert back then, if I hadn't been such a bad student in high school, if I had gone to university, if I didn't do this, or if I had done that .. yadda yadda yadda. The thing is, IF I hadn't done the things I did .. if I had of done just one thing different ... I would NOT be where I am right now. I would not be the person I am now. I would not have to things I have right now.

I have regret but it's for the things I cannot change. For whatever reason, medical, chance, "god", "natural selection" or whatever else ... I have been denied the one thing that I ever truly wanted ... a child. *shrug* It was just not meant to be .. shit happens & I have accepted it because what other choice did I have???

 But again, if one little thing was different than what I have already done or haven't done  .. I would not be "me" ... right now.


Thanks JAS ... for some truly interesting questions.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Back from the Death Star & Aurora's question!

So I am back home, sore & exhausted but happy! It was a really fun weekend, hanging with our larger family of Star Wars peeps. It's always good to see old friends & make new ones too. It was a good weekend ... good crowds of people. I even ran into an old childhood friend (I think he use to play hockey with my brother & for my dad .. I can't really remember), that I haven't seen since I was like 14!!! He came to get his photo taken & remembered me!!!!!! O.O (I would not known him from Adam though).

And then this happened! 

Elisa Dushku (Buffy & Dollhouse fame - personally loved her in Bring  On), was one of the celebrity guests at the con & she decided to come visit our booth. My girlfriend (who came down with me) runs over to where I was working, grabs MY lightsaber, screams "I NEED THIS!!!!!" and runs back over to the other end of the booth. I just shrugged & carried on entertaining the crowds. It was only AFTER Elisa left my lightsaber returned to me that I found all this out! Typical! Oh well, at least MY lightsaber got to meet Elisa! *pouts* 

And Aurora asks:
What's your favourite Star Wars movie & why?

This was actually a very tough question for me, because I love it all (YES, I EVEN LOVE JAR JAR!!!), ... the movies, the books, the clone wars cartoons, ... all of it. I can't get enough of it. But my favourite has to be Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. 

Why? Well, it finally answers how Darth Vader came to be. And the first time I saw it in the theater, that scene looking down on the newly created Sith Lord Vader leading his 501st (Vader's Fist) legion of Clone Troopers into the Jedi Temple to kill the younglings made me cry! I was literally sitting there squeezing my ex's hand, shaking my head NOOOOOOOO & openly crying! And then when all the Jedi were slaughtered and the battle between Obi Wan & Anakin. I was just a very emotional movie for me. Even now when I am watching it I still stop whatever I am doing & stare as they are marching into the temple!

It was a very tough question to answer Aurora!!!! If I had to rank the 6 movies in order of favourite it would be: 
3, 4, 2, 6, 5 & 1 (I like episode one ... HATED the pod racing scene though) 

It's harder now to watch the movies (and the clone wars) for entertainment value now because now, it's like "oooh, I want to do that costume!" or "Damn! I can make that!" or "Hey, that's my friend Maul" ... it's research now! *giggles* 

And for the record, yes I AM looking forward to Episode 7. My only true wish is that Disney & JJ Abrams RESPECTS the expanded universe & sticks with what has already been done. There are soooo many rumours about what episode 7 is going to be like or who is going to be in it that I stopped listening to them A LONG TIME AGO ... (in a galaxy far far way) ;) 

Thanks Aurora! EXCELLENT question! 

My Happy Place & misty's question

I am so far behind. Thank everybody for the questions! I will answer all of them as soon as I am able. As for right now ... I am sitting in bed with my Brat in a hotel in Toronto. No nothing dirty .. The other bed is occupied by 2 other friends! We are getting on geek on this weekend @ the Toronto ComicCon! (I have lots if pics but can't upload the from my phone!!! 

YAY! Star Wars to the rescue AGAIN! I really needed this weekend - to get out of my head & have some fucking fun for a change!!! ;) 

So on to the next question!

Misty asked:
Is there something you have tried, that you reeeeally didn't want to do but found you liked it once you did? 

In all honesty, there were a lot of things that MyBatman directed me to do .. To do to myself. That in itself is something I never thought I could do. The whole online LDR was something I never thought I could do. And My Batman Definately has a sadistic side. I couldn't believe my first task I had at work. I was directed to go into the bathroom put a rubber band around my thigh & snap it 10 times (or was it 5 in the beginning?). And then I had to describe it to him later. I remember thinking .. WOW! I totally didn't expect that from him at all. And that was only the beginning! O.O

But to really answer your question of something I reaaaally didn't want to do but ending up liking (well I will only agree that like is a very strong word .. I will say that I didn't hate it) ..

The first time FormerD and I had a shower together he grabbed me and restrained me and peed down my leg. Now my virginal mind would have probably said Golden Showers are absolute HARD LIMIT but I was trying to keep an open mind. When he did that .. It was so sudden (& forceful) I was just sort of stunned. Shocked that he would do that. And like I said ... I didn't hate it. But other than that I did not know what to think.

On out last night together .... We had a last shower together. I knelt before him and he proceeded to pee (piss is another one of those words I HATE), all over my neck & chest to mark "his territory". I loved the symbolic gesture therefore I was quite happy to receive this "offering".

Like all things I have done, I would not let just anybody give me a golden shower .. It would all depend on the Dom & the depth of emotion involved.

Thanks for the question Misty ... It really made me think!


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Scarlet's Questions (Brace Yourself for the GEEK)

Oh boy .. do I feel popular!!!

Scarlet asks (and she WILL be sorry):

Most outrageous/expensive wish list item for TTWD?

Ummm, does liposuction count?  :P

Okay.. there are 2 things really (so far anyway) ... the first are 

$234.00 per set  from 

& the ultimate 

Not sure about those but there was talk on tumblr that the top bed was $20,000!!! 

And....most coveted wish list item related to cosplay (crap, is that the right word? i can't remember and should know...i'm going to feel so bad if i got that wrong) 

Yes cosplay is correct. Easy question. My costuming wish list grows almost daily .. 99,9% of it is star wars but I now have patterns for both Snow & Regina from Once Upon a Time!!! ;) 

My DREAM costume is the Storm trooper Commander (I know.. dead sexy) 

Stormy's are expensive .. the bucket (helmet) alone is about $200. The armour is roughly $900 (unmolded) added the blue  .. is custom and probably another $500 .. depends on how it's applied (paint, airbrush, vinyl, decals). Plus all the dremels, bondo, epoxy, velcro, snaps, rivets, vacu-forming, trimming & ...  convincing my Brat to build it for me. It probably will cost me around $2000-$2500. Not something I will do anytime soon (well I will slowly start aquiring the parts) .. besides I don't care that I am "too short to be a storm trooper" I REFUSE to be a round one (still have about another 25 pounds to go before I even consider building this!!!

But the ultimate cosplay is not something I can wear ... my ultimate if I ever win the lottery "cosplay" is 

My very own, remote controlled "fully operational" R2D2 (the ones in the picture are all working "droids"  & built by friends) .. there is an actual group dedicated to building R2 units. droid geeks

They are so "real" people believe they are from the movies. 

My friend (here in Ottawa) has one and he WON'T give it me!!!! It's so unfair! *pouts* 

The cost? I am honestly afraid to look ... but we can probably be safe to assume that it's low 5 figures! 

... my birthday is coming up ...... just sayin' 

Thanks for the questions Scarlet!!!!


Tori's Questions:

Ok *deep breath* ... tori didn't waste anytime .. she pounced! :P

Here goes:

1) 3 things you really would like to try kink wise?

- I kinda really like the idea of pet play. Being a kittie to be more specific. The ears, the tail, collar, leash, ... curled up at the feet my owner. I don't really know how well I would do at the role playing thing though.

- a threesome with 2 bi-guys, 2 Doms, or a Dom & another male sub. Either way ... I have a real thing for "gay" sex  And yes I would love to peg a guy but in no way would I do it (or want to) in a Dommy kind of way myself.

- I hate to say "rape" play but FormerD told me a couple of weeks ago, that he say this moving that had this rape scene in it & all he could think of was me & what he would love to do. O.O   I don't know if I would go so far as to say I would want an actual rape scene but being forced/restrained and being at the mercy of somebody is really hot to me. I like the idea of the St Andrew's cross ... I got to see a c girl getting flogged on the cross in the dungeon at Sexapoolza & my Brat literally had to pull me away, I was mesmerized! O.O

2) what do you look for in a s dominant?

This one is easy yet so hard. I want a Dom that actually wants me back.

Obviously the chemistry has to be there. I am getting pretty good at recognizing lack of chemistry. People bore me pretty easily. I am quirky and I need somebody, who not only recognizes that but embraces it and shares in it as well.  Face it .. I dress up like Star Wars ... and I am almost 50 .. quirky doesn't begin to cover it.

But I want to be loved & adored by My Dom .. and I want nothing more than to please him. By definition, I think maybe I would probably be suited for a DD/lg kind of relationship, not that being an out & out "little" is what I am because no, from what I have seen (I am on tumblr FAR too much & alot of my followers are littles), I am not a little. But there are undeniable traits ... I would rather go to a Disney movie then most any other type .. like action/thrillers. I like silly. And I am certainly more attracted to the nurturing type of Dom then the stern, all business, type. I love to laugh & joke & tease& have as much fun as possible, but I also need that "ok playtime is over, kittie" tone & discipline & tasks would not be out of order either.

Oh my gosh ... did I even answer the question??? O.o

3) when did you first realise, understand, accept that you had these 'needs' ie to submit, kinky inclinations?

About a week after FormerD left me. I had no idea, the kind of anxiety I would go thru .. and if it weren't for a kind hearted Dom blogger, answer the emailed questions from a desperate wannabe .. I probably would have gone back to vanilla life without ever having the courage to go further down this path on my own.

Mr Experience opened my eyes to this lifestyle. FormerD showed me how amazing it could be (but I was still in so much denial about what I was becoming). But it was MyBatman would really let me flourish. His sadist streak, his wit, his charm, his encouragement and his faith, really opened me up. He called me fearless. I don't know about that but with him there guiding me, and making me feel cared for and safe .. I felt fearless! He made me want to be more, to be pleasing! 
No matter what else, nobody will have done it like we did.  

(a quote from the man himself and he wasn't half wrong!!!)

It's been over a year now .. since I entered this lifestyle .. most of that time I have been a "free-agent". It has not been easy being a single sub, especially a newly "awakened" one. Hopefully, one day I will be able to fill that void & become the sub I clearly want (need) to be.

Thanks for the questions, tori!!! (it was almost fun) :P


Not Qualified

So March is question month huh?

I don't really feel that I am "qualified" to answer any questions.

How to people even ask ... thru email? I do have my email linked onto my page but here it is anyway ,...

*shrug* ask away and I will try to answer.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Six Months

I try

Everyday I try

But nothing has changed

I STILL believe


How fucked am I!!!!

Monday, March 3, 2014

These are Not the Droids you are looking for ... move along

Well now .. what to say?? It's been a while ...

.. but I've got nothing. Life is just rolling ever forward ... I have been here but there is nothing. The give a fuck factor is almost non-existent.

I am so fucking bored & restless. I have been battling my demons (mainly depression) for weeks now. Some days are good .. some days are not. Most days though, I just exists.

I have started 4 or 5 new blog posts .. some even have some words in them. But I can't form two coherent thoughts together.

I know most of this is caused by this hellish & never ending winter - another 10 cms on Saturday & the temp dropped today, so another day of dressing like the fucking Stay Puff Marshmallow man. *sighs*

And never mind BDSM or even a sex life .. what the fuck is that??? I can't even muster the energy to care, Selfies? .. meh .. why bother.

Okay wow ... Happy Monday to you all .. fm Debbie Downer


Things will pick up .. I know ...

they always do.

And until I find my happy place again I shall bid you all happy kinkiness!