I got a package in the mail yesterday!!!! It was my "door prize" from Sarah's birthday party!!! What a crazy girl you are LMSS!!!!
These are 2 hand made table runners .. one is Star Wars (you ARE an enabler)!!! The bright and sunny citrus one will be a perfect addition to our table in the sunroom at the cottage and my Star Wars one will be added to my coffee table in my Star Wars living room!!! (I AM such a GEEK!)
And there was a *coughs* added bonus that she SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
(no I didn't open it yet because the instructions say I have to wait!) *pouts*
So SARAH, THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
You are one of the sweetest people I have ever had the honour (yes honour IS spelt that way in Canada) of meeting!!!!!
My play date went well. I didn't really know what to expect but it was NOT what I expected? Make sense? No? That's how I feel. ;)
He came & brought me a Timmies (bonus points) ... for NonCanadians ... Timmies is slang .. for our favourite coffee .. Tim Hortons Coffee .... beats Starbucks hands down (but it's more like Dunkin Donuts).
Anyway, BONUS POINTS for the Timmies!!!!
I half expected (from the mind fuckery the night before) to be grabbed by the hair & dragged up to the bedroom but what I got was lots of hugs & kisses. lots & lots. When we did make it to the bedroom (the ONLY clean room in my house btw) ... more of the same with fondling and undressing of the sub type girlie.
Then I was OTK and let the spanking commence. I have never been taken OTK before .. it really is quite intimate isn't it? *blush* It didn't take too long for my butt to get hot. The CSM definitely knows what he is doing. He took frequent breaks to make sure I was doing okay & if I wanted more. At one point I did say NO but was informed "Well I want more" ... alrighty then. It was starting to HURT! O.o
But then he got up & left me lying across the bed. He got the paddle & the flogger! I was informed that the flogger, that I made myself, was not the strongest but I like the feel of it. The paddle, on the other hand STINGS almost immediately! It was a very intense "session" .. the solid force of the flogger hitting my back & the back of my neck, was shocking to me. I had a really intense session with the flogger before, with the former Dom but nothing like this. It kinda scared me .. the force he used. Did it hurt? Hells yes, but he did warn me "I AM going to hurt you" ... but it was nothing more than I could handle .. well maybe just a little more. And just when I thought I was done .. he brought out the vibe .. the small g-spot vibe! o.O So it's pumping in & out, while he alternates smacking me with hand, flogger & paddle. OH MY!!!!! Did I scream? Why yes, yes I did. *giggles* Did I gush???? .... *BLUSH* * BLUSH* *BLUSH*
Then he decided I needed a "little break" .. Ya think?! I barely had enough time to catch my breath then it was time to play "forced orgasm"!!! Another vibrator & the WAND! And the CSM is a definate breast man .. or breast sadist! He has very busy hands! It didn't take long for the kittie to squirm her way off the bed, head first ... of course that just gave him unintentional easy access. And he was quite amused with me .. hanging there ... head resting on the floor like that! *giggles*
After begging for mercy .. we had some cuddle time and we chatted. Apparently he was done with me ... I was like .. "hmmm, that's it?" . He was more concerned about my "tune up" than anything else. He wondered if I wanted more because I needed it or I wanted to please him. I was just concerned because he hadn't had any "gratification" for himself. He told me that he did. It was quite interesting. He said he didn't know if this was the way with all sadists but it is like a release .. like an orgasm, to beat somebody. He doesn't need to come. I learned something! I find it fascinating actually. Anybody have any thoughts on that?
It turns out we were not done though. After awhile of cuddling with my face nestled into his neck .. the hand went back to work .. another round of spanking has begun! Oh boy .. I was still sore from round one. It wasn't long before he picked me up and put me on top of him. This is new. It's very hard to get into any sort of rhythm. Trying to ride somebody while they are constantly spanking both sides of your ass, constantly knocking you off balance. I felt like a bumbling virgin! Not that the CSM seemed to mind ;) . Soon enough he wanted me back OTK .. my whole body had turned to mush by then ... or lead ... it was very hard to move with any sort of grace. But he was definitely ready to push my limits & soon he had me squirming & almost screaming! I think he was trying to make me cry ... but I didn't/couldn't. I know he thinks I need to cry though (we had talked about it before). But he did not stop until he had me screaming my safe word. And then he made me cum again.
All in all it was a positive experience for a "first time" *grins* .. with the exception of me, dodging pinching fingers (my breasts have been completely tenderized!), twisting the wrong way & pulling something in my hip!! It was intense and different. Maybe I am a pain slut?!
The CSM is a good friend .. a friend with benefits. A definite sadist but I don't know... he didn't really feel Domly to me. Bottom line though, he can't give me what I want or what I really need. We both know this. But we will be friends. And we will probably keep playing when we are able. But he is not the one. I have met a couple of nice Doms on collar me (and even a guy on POF) ... we are talking, but nothing more ... getting to know each other. *shrug* I don't know ... I am in no hurry. I am looking for a definite spark.
The restlessness & aggression that have been with me constantly these past 3 months have been diminished ... I have my CSM to thank for that.
Today is Goldie's funeral .. in Halifax (halfway across the country). We were communicators in the navy together. I remember playing the Last Post (Canadian version of Taps) on my trumpet at his Dad's funeral. I would have loved to do that for Goldie as well! :( Well actually, I did, yesterday, much to the "joy" of my neighbours. It helped me say good bye (and I am glad I did not sound like a dying duck) *giggles*
Today is also my Brat's graduation ceremony. (My Brat is my 21 year gay bestie - <3). We are soooo proud of him. He is graduating from college with a Degree in Advanced Architecture Techniques. He is going on to university in September for his full degree in Architecture.
I am glad not to be at work today. One more day away from the bullshit my union rep has caused me is a good thing. Tomorrow, I go about finding a new rep and looking to getting her reprimanded (hopefully fired). I have one simple complaint against management and due to her unprofessionalism and personal vendetta against my boss, she has single handedly, discredited me and made something simple into something way more complicated and messy. *sighs* fight on I shall.
The CSM and I are working on trying to find a time to see each other. He is NOT the one but he does fill a void. He understands how crazy I have been these past couple of months .. the restlessness & the aggression. Like I said .. he is willing to help .. to give me a "tune up" *giggles*. But he is not free. I am breaking one of my own rules (and I don't like it) ... but I need this.
I miss talking to Charming. He had the ability (and patience) to talk me down from a rant, make me laugh, "teach" me something, make me think & make me feel better, all in the "same breath" so to speak. *sighs*
I have been chatting alot with my very vanilla girlfriend. She has met a new guy .. a very dynamic guy so she is all giggly etc etc. He reminds me alot of my former Dom. I cannot believe it's only been almost 3 months since he left. It feels like a lifetime ago. Anyway, with talking so much with her, it has made me realize, just how good we were together. We both may have been new & inexperienced but ohhhh we had such great chemistry. We just clicked, immediately, on oh so many levels. Everything was easy & natural. Something very rare & special, I am finding out. I do hope that he is finding happiness back in his vanilla life but I would never turn him away if he ever wanted to come back. No matter what. (and of course I WANT HIM BACK)
Wow, I didn't realize I had this much to say. I guess the weekend has given me alot of time to think & reflect.
Maybe even one day this blog will be about what it was intended to be about. My "place" in this lifestyle. *sighs*
It's been a rough couple of months. Losing my former Dom, heading down this new path on my own, soooo much restlessness & aggression that some days I can barely contain, the weather keeping me in constant pain from migraines, losing my voice of reason in this crazy new world I find myself in - thanks Charming! And now, sitting waiting for word that an old dear friend as succumbed liver failure at 44 years old.
Finally some good news though. Tomorrow I am going on a coffee date with a new friend, a Dom. We haven't been talking that long but we have laughed alot. We have alot in common .. we are both military (well I am retired) .. he IS the Sgt Major.
So it's time to take the plunge. I am a little nervous but then again, isn't that always the way. Heh, he's even offered to give me a much needed Tune Up ... isn't that sweet! *giggles*
I can't say that it's all hearts aflutter or anything but it sure is fun ... and I really could use some of that right now!!!!
You went there ... you DELIBERATELY fucked with my mind, knowing full well the effect you would have on me, you went there.
And then you abandoned me. I have no idea where you went or why.
I am left feeling hurt, angry & confused. You are the last person I would have ever expected this from. You who values and expects, no, demands openness & honesty. Very shocking of you & not very manly, I must say.
Sure, I am not stupid, I know the reality of the situation would make it next to impossible to ever have the type of relationship I would have LOVED to have with you. You knew how I felt & how vulnerable I am. I have opened up myself to you, even stating how dangerous I actually think you are. I don't know .. maybe you thought of that as some sort of challenge???
But you loved my quirkiness (I actually think you NEED that in your life) and I did intrigue you no small amount. I could understand why you wouldn't want to take it any further though .. whether distance, or personal conflict or even the fact that you do not find me physically attractive (I AM after all an acquired tasted - although very addictive once tried).
Well, you ARE in my head now and I can't get you out of it! :(
But your silence is deafening. I am very shocked and saddened that I didn't even rate any sort of explanation for your silence. (I do hope that everything is all right with you though.)
What I really miss though, is your friendship and somewhat "mentoring". You have been a voice of reason & calm for me this past 2 months ... someone I thought I could always count, & I am really feeling that loss now.
I don't know .. maybe some day you will explain it all to me.