Bittersweet

Today is Goldie's funeral .. in Halifax (halfway across the country). We were communicators in the navy together. I remember playing the Last Post (Canadian version of Taps) on my trumpet at his Dad's funeral. I would have loved to do that for Goldie as well! :(   Well actually, I did, yesterday, much to the "joy" of my neighbours. It helped me say good bye (and I am glad I did not sound like a dying duck) *giggles*

Today is also my Brat's graduation ceremony. (My Brat is my 21 year gay bestie - <3). We are soooo proud of him. He is graduating from college with a Degree in Advanced Architecture Techniques. He is going on to university in September for his full degree in Architecture.

I am glad not to be at work today. One more day away from the bullshit my union rep has caused me is a good thing. Tomorrow, I go about finding a new rep and looking to getting her reprimanded (hopefully fired). I have one simple complaint against management and due to her unprofessionalism and personal vendetta against my boss, she has single handedly, discredited me and made something simple into something way more complicated and messy. *sighs* fight on I shall.

The CSM and I are working on trying to find a time to see each other. He is NOT the one but he does fill a void. He understands how crazy I have been these past couple of months .. the restlessness & the aggression. Like I said .. he is willing to help .. to give me a "tune up" *giggles*. But he is not free. I am breaking one of my own rules (and I don't like it) ... but I need this.

I miss talking to Charming. He had the ability (and patience) to talk me down from a rant, make me laugh, "teach" me something, make me think & make me feel better, all in the "same breath" so to speak. *sighs*

I have been chatting alot with my very vanilla girlfriend. She has met a new guy .. a very dynamic guy so she is all giggly etc etc. He reminds me alot of my former Dom. I cannot believe it's only been almost 3 months since he left. It feels like a lifetime ago. Anyway, with talking so much with her, it has made me realize, just how good we were together. We both may have been new & inexperienced but ohhhh we had such great chemistry. We just clicked, immediately, on oh so many levels. Everything was easy & natural. Something very rare & special, I am finding out. I do hope that he is finding happiness back in his vanilla life but I would never turn him away if he ever wanted to come back. No matter what. (and of course I WANT HIM BACK)

Wow, I didn't realize I had this much to say. I guess the weekend has given me alot of time to think & reflect.

Maybe even one day this blog will be about what it was intended to be about. My "place" in this lifestyle. *sighs*