You went there ... you DELIBERATELY fucked with my mind, knowing full well the effect you would have on me, you went there.
And then you abandoned me. I have no idea where you went or why.
I am left feeling hurt, angry & confused. You are the last person I would have ever expected this from. You who values and expects, no, demands openness & honesty. Very shocking of you & not very manly, I must say.
Sure, I am not stupid, I know the reality of the situation would make it next to impossible to ever have the type of relationship I would have LOVED to have with you. You knew how I felt & how vulnerable I am. I have opened up myself to you, even stating how dangerous I actually think you are. I don't know .. maybe you thought of that as some sort of challenge???
But you loved my quirkiness (I actually think you NEED that in your life) and I did intrigue you no small amount. I could understand why you wouldn't want to take it any further though .. whether distance, or personal conflict or even the fact that you do not find me physically attractive (I AM after all an acquired tasted - although very addictive once tried).
Well, you ARE in my head now and I can't get you out of it! :(
But your silence is deafening. I am very shocked and saddened that I didn't even rate any sort of explanation for your silence. (I do hope that everything is all right with you though.)
What I really miss though, is your friendship and somewhat "mentoring". You have been a voice of reason & calm for me this past 2 months ... someone I thought I could always count, & I am really feeling that loss now.
I don't know .. maybe some day you will explain it all to me.
Dazed and Confused,
Lost Kittie
Oh kittie
ReplyDeleteI found this upsetting to read, so im sure for you its devestating, i wish i had words that can bring some form of comfort.
However what i will say is, it seems to me you deserve better, someone that will treat you how you should be...that brings you up, not down.
x
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ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks Tori.
ReplyDeleteI am really not devasted (at least I don't think I am) .. life goes on & so do I.
I just don't like not knowing, you know? Especially when it's somebody you only know online ... you just never know, it could be anything really, & there is no way of knowing for sure .. especially when nobody is talking.
But He IS a great guy .. I am just really surprised by his silence .. it's very out of character.
So please don't anybody be sad or upset for me. Just think of this letter/post as closure. It's ust something that I needed to say & who knows maybe Charming might even read it one day! ;)
Be happy everybody ... life is too short (oh yeah ... not an hour after I posted this note I found out an old & dear friend - an ex-boyfriend - has been given 10 days to live ... kinda puts things in perspective doesn't it?)
:)
Oh love, I know you said not to be sad, but I am sad for you. I thought you had a good friendship going, possibly something more. There might be things going on, but that is never, ever an excuse.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I've called out my own Sir on that bullshit. There is always a way, if they really want to make time for us.
I know you'll be able to get through this. Until then, I'm here whenever you need me.
*HUGS*
~JAS
Thanks Doll! It is what it is .. there's not much more to be said. I do tend to believe that there is something going on too but if he is not willing to talk to me, then there's not much to be done about that.
ReplyDeleteBut I am fine .. always moving forward. Still having "fun" on collar me .. not anything serious but that's okay too. I am really not in any great hurry. Although there is this male sub that thinks I would look good over HIS knee!!! QG IS fun & I think that's exactly what I need right now ... just pure fun .. I am sick of dealing with all this serious shit!
Hear that QG!!! When you coming to town???? :P
Ooops .. got a little distracted there *blushes* ..
DeleteAnyway JAS, thanks for the concern but I am okay. I hope that you are having a fantastic week away .. have lots of fun!!!
xoxoxoxo
LH,
ReplyDeleteI am so disappointed in him. Clearly there is something wrong with his taste and he should have that checked because he is truly missing out.
I know you said you're ok and I know you are ( you're awesome that way) but I'm still hurt and bugged for you. :) and like JAS said, there is no excuse for his silence.
Xoxoxo,
LMSS
LMSS,
ReplyDeleteYou make me *giggle*
Thank you for worrying but truly .. I'm good. This post really help, along with all your comments.
It just is what it is. I said what I had to say and *shrug* there is nothing more to be done about it.
I do hate not knowing if everything is alright but then again that is the nature of the beast when it comes to having friends online. It's the chance we all take.
But whatever, truly, it's just time to move on.
Thanks for all the love, from you and everybody else. I DO greatly appreciate it.
xoxoxoxoxoxo