Sunday, February 16, 2014

Second Anniversary

I got a little bit behind on a couple of posts I have been working on: 

From Thursday 13 February 2014 ..... 

I just realized today is my second anniversary!!!

It was 2 years ago today that I gained my freedom .. finally free from a 71/2 year co-dependency with my last ever vanilla boyfriend.

He was 18 years my junior. He was only 20 when we met .. full of cockiness that I always seem to go for. But all you Cougar wannabes out there trust me when I say .. younger ain't always better .. TRUE STORY!!!

In that 71/2 years .. he never worked  (well probably all the time he did work would not have added up to a full year). He literally felt he didn't have to work .. even though he knew what an extra burden it had put on me. A truly selfish ass.

He "left me" .. for another woman. And when I shut that door on him for the final time, all I could think of to say was "Well he's HER problem now!" Good riddance!

Best thing that ever happened to me.

You are all probably thinking, WHY did you put up with such a loser. I have no good answer to that. The Gods know that I kicked him out at least 3 times a year for 7 years, but he always came back & I always caved. It's funny how you can talk yourself into just about anything huh?

But yes, 2 years ago .. on the 14th of February .. that STOOPID commercial holiday .. I was truly free. Free from the deadbeat & free from that old life. And it was fucking AWESOME!!!

Coincidentally , TODAY is the 2nd anniversary for me & my homosexual life mate .. THE BRAT! And we celebrating by trooping (and a stop in Ikea).  *giggles*

For that first full year . I didn't need anybody or want anybody in my life. I immersed myself in my Star Wars stuff ... met more people, gained a social life that I had not had in such a long time & had a blast! Everybody noticed too .. even those who did not know me that well, commented that I seemed so much happier, & carefree. Goes to show what losing 200lbs of dead weight will do for you!

This year, exploring my submissive side has been quite the rollercoaster ride. It has not been easy and I still feel alot of pain and sadness but still I am who I want to be & heading in the right direction that I started just a little over 2 years ago when I finally became free! And I wouldn't change a thing (well that's not true .. there is that one thing I would change but ain't nothing I can do about that!!!!)

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day or what I like to call .... FRIDAY!

Ha ha ... never fear for this lonely sap!! 

My homosexual life partner and I have a date tonight on this stupidest of all stupid holidays (nope .. not bitter .. just never liked this totally commercial day) ... We shall be fighting over the cutest ones there!!! 

Have a sexy kinky night everybody. 

And I yes, I do hope Aurora's surgery went well today!!!!

Peace OUT!

Thursday, February 13, 2014


Phillip will probably get mad at me for this but it will be worth it.


Our good darling friend Aurora over at
is having surgery tomorrow. Please join me in sending prayers, blessings, gregorian chants, olms, good tidings, well wishes, best of lucks, speedy recoveries, the force, positive vibes, good vibrations & everything else positive out to her, Phillip & their family. 

I know I speak for everybody here that we all thinking of you today. 

Good luck, & success & a speedy recovery!!! 

We are all with you!!!
(and miss you)


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Our Platinum Moment

OK .. trying NOT to dwell on the Olympics, although they are INFINITELY way more exciting than my non-existent sex life! 

But I just could not pass this up. 

THIS is what the games are really all about ... 
THIS is worth way more than any medal ...
THIS is what makes me so very proud to be a Canadian. 
And actually a big shout out has to go out to the Russian as well, for having the guts to keep going!!! 

And this is the blurb they had on facebook: 

How's this for Olympic spirit?

Russian cross-country skier Anton Gafarov crashed early in his run, breaking his left ski. He continued his race with the broken ski, before Canadian ski coach Justin Wadsworth gave Gafarov his ski, allowing the Russian to finish the race.

This is what the Olympics are all about, folks.

That's all I got .. you may all continue on with your sexy hot lives whilst I watch the rest of
the games!


It's a Canadian Thing

I found this on Facebook yesterday, right after our second gold medal of the day. It didn't take that long for THAT stereotype to surface (no for a certain beer company *coughs* Moslen Canadian *coughs*  to capitalize on our success!!)

Anyway, I giggled when I saw it! ;) 

Saturday, February 8, 2014

A Quick Recap & then off to Adventure 2 of the weekend!

So we went, we saw & we "conquered"???

Sexapalooza was "interesting". My poor Brat was ACTUALLY nervous about going in. It was as I suspected it would be ... lots of "booths" from various sex shops from the surrounding areas.

They had a main stage of course. A photographer friend of ours (she has worked our SW photo booth for use before) ... had her booth right in front of the stage! Lucky her! ;)

The first act were Drag Kings. I know one of them, "he" works at my favourite sex shop. But of course he wasn't there. They were pretty pathetic though. I THINK they were trying to be a "boy band" but their lip syncing & dancing were way were then your average boy band. But I think they are relatively new so hopefully with time.

Unfortunately SafeD was not there. Instead of going to work yesterday he went to the urgent care clinic & it turns out he has a very serious strep infection ... not fun.

And I got to "exact" my revenge on Ice. He is a local "dom" (yes I use that term lightly) and also a vampire & a satanist. Fun guy. But he is also a leather worker .. we have used him with our costuming before. About 11 months ago, I commissioned him to make me a new leather corset .. put a deposit down $250 ... had a couple of meetings & a fitting. And by June he said ... it's almost done .. "I will let you know" ... Well now, come September with no word from him .. I started trying to contact him ... he did not answer my calls, emails, or messages via Facebook. But December I had pretty much written him off & kissed my $250 deposit goodbye. (I have to admit ... his personality does intimidate me & weighing my options .. it was just easy to walk away ... but he would not be getting any more of our SW business either though as his reputation would be shattered)

When we made eye contact last night (he actually had a booth!) .. he looked shocked to see me & I literally turned up my nose & kept on walking. But My Brat stopped a few booths away from Ice's. I kept my back to him but apparently he kept staring over at us. And finally he comes over & has the utter gall to say to me .....

"so can you come in next week?"
Are you fucking kidding me? I told him no & he was shocked .. No? No, I repeated, I would like my money back. Oh ... ok, well contact me next week & we will make "arrangements. Yeah right. I won't hold my breath. But at least the look on his face was worth it! Fucktard.

Other than that "mini-drama" it was fun. I just about died when My Brat almost bought a big pink suction cup dildo!!! Hmmmm, maybe he is not the only "innocent" one in our relationship .. just the thought O.O

The only really hard time I had was our visit to the dungeon. There was a girl, strapped to the St Andrews Cross .. getting flogged. I wanted to be that girl so badly! I was literally rooted to the spot ... transfixed on the scene ... they literally had to drag me away *sighs*

But now it's time to get ready for today's adventure!

Our Star Wars crew are going skating on the Canal! .. no costumes .. just for fun! Unfortunately for me, my fibro will not allow me to partake (it would just hurt far too much)  .. I was an avid ice skater growing up like the good Canadian girl that I am .. I miss it. But I will be there as "official" photographer!! I would LOVE to have the ewok out there on ice but there will be far too many people, as it's actually a nice day today & perfect conditions for our first day of "Winterlude" our annual winter festival.

Thursday, February 6, 2014


You Own Him

When you snug­gle closer
and purr in your sleep,
you are his kitten
When you kneel between his legs
grace­fully accept­ing the band around your throat,
you are his girl
When you squirm across his lap,
your tush rosy red and tin­gling with inti­macy,
you are his brat
When you rub your­self all over him
leav­ing liq­uid pas­sion in your trail,
you are his slut
When you devour him deeply, pleas­ing him,
solely there for his enter­tain­ment,
you are his whore
When you growl and strain against your leash,
hump­ing his leg for release,
you are his bitch
When you sur­ren­der to his strength, his power,
when you sac­ri­fice your body on the altar of his desire,
you are his prey
When you stay still, quiv­er­ing, unspeak­ing,
your only pur­pose to be used, to be mounted,
you are his female
And still…
When you melt into his arms
and lean your head against his chest
and whis­per quietly,
“I am yours”
At that moment,
you own him.


So the annual "Sexapalooza" adult "con" is happening here this weekend. I got invited & I AM actually going!!  


I get to go explore what the local scene as to offer & meet some people!!! Of course SafeD & his wife will be there.  There is even a dungeon with live demos..


There is one slight problem ....

I am going with My Brat - the most straight laced, gay guy I have ever known & a vanilla friend of ours.


Of course neither of them know who "geekie kittie" is or this secret life she is trying to live.

I would not be too worried if our friend found out about me but my Brat, can never know - he has this image of me that I cannot jeopardize.

And unfortunately, although the "con" runs all weekend ... Tomorrow night is the only free time I have all weekend.

Oh well ... It should prove yo be "interesting"

Monday, February 3, 2014

Hard Limits

This is one area where I do have a lot of trouble with.

Apparently Doms don't like it when you tell them you don't really have a "hard limit list" ... who knew? I sure has hell didn't!! It's a good thing I am a quick study.

FormerD had wanted me to fill out a BDSM activity form, when we first started talking about this lifestyle. I said okay .. I will take a look.

I think I got to the third activity (can't even remember what it was - maybe spanked with a hair brush or a cane .. something like that anyway) ... and I shut down that window & sent him a message.

"if you want my mind to snap shut & have me ending up with a VERY big hard limit list, you will not ask me to fill this out" 

How so?

I have stated before on this blog (probably several times) .. when I think too much, THAT'S when I get into trouble. When I was looking at that checklist ... I swear, my head was saying NO FUCKING WAY .. to literally everything!!!!!

Most of it wasn't even that bad but my mind just couldn't grasp it. I am a very literal person ..and a visual one rather than technical, analyticil one.

I would much rather keep my mind open & be willing to try almost anything ... once.

Now that is not to say that I don't have hard limits because I do ... it may be a small list but it is rock solid.

Of course there are the standards ... no children (eww) or animals (triple ewww), no bloodletting, no guns, no knives, (why does that even have to be stated!!!),  needle play (although under the right circumstances) ... no medical play!

If I even hear the "E" word ... I would be out of there so fucking fast!!! And not be held responsible for any violence that I may incur. ... 'nuff said about THAT! *shudders*

But also on my little list (and this TRUTH!!!) :

My 4 lightsabers are NOT spanking implements!!!! 

MyBatman suggested ONCE that he should deny me my morning intake of caffeine  .. It immediately went on my hard limits list .. much to his amusement/bemusement! 

I had/have photography on there as well ... although I think it is more of a soft limit now. FormerD kinda encouraged me to take pictures for him .. not alot or not often but I didn't mind if I had "creative" licence. 

With MyBatman, I actually had alot of fun taking pictures of various tasks I had to do for him. They were very selective shots .. never revealing anything naughty or even what I looked like. He never asked for them .. I did that on my own. He only ever asked for (well ordered me to take) one photo and it was not anything bad. 

SafeD loves taking pictures ... and posting them on Fetlife & tumblr ... I know because he loves showing them to me when we are at coffee. Not something I am too interested in doing! 

Yes taking photos is definitely something that I will keep a certain amount of control over or it will go back on the hard limits list. 

So yup .. that's literally pretty much it. People are surprised with how small it is. I do have to usually add the codicil, that I am still relatively new to all this & bear that in mind BEFORE you decide you think you can go hog wild .. that will definitely result in a safe word to end the "play" more than likely permanently. Fortunately that has not really been an issue (well once with MrD) but it worked out. 

Of course, as always alot also depends on who you are with too! As always .. it is key .. chemistry, honesty & trust!!! 

It will grow .. my little hard limit list. I know I will add things as I go further down the rabbit hole. 

Gods only knows what other quirky things I will put on there.

 Hmmm, I wonder if I will have to put my ewok on there too! 

YUB NUB!!!!!  o.O 

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Blurred Lines

Who Am I? (I always sing that question as Valjean in Les Miserables)

But yes, who am I? It's a question I have been asking myself over and over again for the past year.

I am not one who likes to be labelled. I usually will raise quite the stink if somebody tries to pigeonhole me! But in reality, I do it to myself all the time ... geek, Star Wars fangirl, weird, non-conformist .. yadda yadda yadda. With the exception of the Star Wars thing, those are pretty lose terms.

All I really know for certain is that I DO identify as "submissive"

But really what does that even mean?

A year ago, I was slowly learning ... learning about this lifestyle and all it entails. I didn't really know too much about it when I first met Mr Experience and more importantly FormerD. Truthfully, the only thing I really knew about BDSM was the porn aspect of it. And really, it probably has always peaked my interest, it was never something I thought I could bring myself to do (probably more to do with fear than anything else) ... I would have never even thought to approach anybody about it .. ever. So when opportunity comes a-knocking.

But with FormerD, I had alot of free time on my hands & he encouraged me to start researching. It was pretty early days when I discovered blogland and I am so glad that I did. I found that googling the different aspects of  this lifestyle was not all that helpful. I have learned more about stuff & who I am thru reading these blogs then in any other research that I have done. This whole BDSM thing was definitely more than meets the eye.

So I am submissive .. or I have submissive inclinations to be more accurate. (It's been too long since I have felt like a sub & ooooh the NEED is great at the moment *sighs*)

In the beginning, it was very cut & dry to me .. black & white if you will. I was a sub ... not a slave, not a little, not poly, or pet or a "service" sub, A sub ... FormerD's sub, only for him. Cut & dry .. no blurred lines at all!

He was very sure of himself (especially for somebody who too had relatively little experience) ... he knew how he was. He is Dom & he is a sadist. And for him, I was a sub, his fuck toy, his pain slut. Very cut & try. I just had a hard time admitting it ...especially pain slut. For the time we were together I kept thinking of him as my "boyfriend". How very different a Dom is compared to a boyfriend. But I guess in my naivety that was just what worked for me. It really wasn't until after he had gone that I really realized what type of "relationship" we had. I mean I did know it all along but admitting it was something else all together.

And it wasn't until after the relationship ended, that I really embraced who I was.

With the other "experiments" I had during the time between FormerD & MyBatman ... there really wasn't too much I found appealing.

I kind of went thru a sub frenzy during that time.

The CSM helped me with a "tune up" when I was really needy. But I did not feel submissive to him at all.

MrD was nothing .. a small blip in my life.

PWP ... now maybe that could of had potential (by then I was already talking with MyBatman) but in all honesty ... he was 95% CLINGY, NEEDY boyfriend & 5% Dom. That 5% wasn't bad & I probably would have liked more of that but that 95% needy boyfriend was soooo NOT what I wanted at all. It was bad .. he would look over my shoulder while I was emailing or texting somebody .. "who's that?" .. fuck he even went thru my purse once. And really we were together what? A week maybe? I definitely did NOT feel submissive with him at all .. not even when we played. He just had an air of desperation about him that I could not live with.

So back to me ... by this time everything was still pretty black & white. I had been blogging & reading .. I joined fetlife & collarme. I was sure that yes I was a sub. I could never be a little or a pet or a service sub or any other kind of sub. Cut & dry.

And then there is MyBatman. We literally just winged it as we went. And once the Dom in him claimed me as His ... all molds were shattered.

With MyBatman, I just was. I was me .. bratty, sassy, crazy ol' me. And he was unlike anybody I have ever been with before. He brought out alot in me .. alot of things I never really knew existed. And he was so different from FormerD .. in all aspects.

Things were no longer cut & dry. I found myself wanting to be more than just a submissive (by order of definition that I had with FormerD).

I like to think that it was mutual. MyBatman had told me on more than one occasion that he too was going places he had never gone before .. I inspired him & I was his muse.

Together we explored new territory for both of us.

I always thought that I could never be a little ... From what I have seen (mostly on tumblr), DD/lg was just plain weird ... I could never act like a little girl .. talking in baby voice, and being all gaga for "Daddy" .. yet there were many times with MyBatman that I had strong urges to call him Daddy. Weird! Weird even just writing it right now. But a DaddyDom by it's very definition is someone who nurtures & encourages. This fits MyBatman to a T. I don't think even he realized this fact. But he was always all that & so much more. He called me his muse & said I was fearless but I could have never been those things without him, so really we just pinged off each other really well.

But a little ... me? No I could never see me acting like a childish silly "little" ... I say this just after spending 2 days sick in bed .. cuddling my Moopey (a big stuffie) and watching Disney movies. So yeah ... maybe there is a bit of little in me somewhere. It's all about how you see it, I guess. I could never be THAT kind of little but it is still there in some aspects.

Then there is the whole pet aspect of things. This too, is something I would have never thought of to become. Sure I like kittie ears (I won't say how many kittie hoodies I now own .. just say more than one), and I call myself kittie (cougar sometimes too). But to see that sort of play online .. I think no way. Yet, here we are again with MyBatman. He loved my collar .. I was to wear it at all times while I was in my house (except for sleep) .. and my cuffs too for that matter. And He loved to have me crawl on all fours and I even bought a water dish that I was to drink out of in the evenings. And a leash, and eventually, a tail & cage. With Him, again, this just came naturally to me. I liked doing these things for him. One of my biggest joys, would be to (virtually of course) ... curl up at his feet, while he works at his desk & have a "cat" nap. And for Him, I was always pet or kittie.

I don't know ... it was all so natural. Being these things that I always just swore were NOT me. And there was no coercion .. no asking, no demand, it just sorta grew as we went.

So who am I now ... a year in?

I am me ... just me. I cannot say that I am a little, nor can I say that I am a pet. I am submissive and I think that whoever I am with, can & will bring out certain aspects of who I am (apparently there are lots of different versions in there).

I cannot & would not submit to just anybody. I don't know .. it has to mean something. I guess what I am saying is .. chemistry & connection.

Keeping an open mind & an open heart is truly key to finding out who you are. I think I can be many things for different people. Hells, I would even switch if that was needed from me ... just minus the humiliation (verbal especially)  .. I will NEVER do that to anybody.

And of course one thing is for certain ... I WOULD NEVER BE A DOMME!