Hard Limits

This is one area where I do have a lot of trouble with.

Apparently Doms don't like it when you tell them you don't really have a "hard limit list" ... who knew? I sure has hell didn't!! It's a good thing I am a quick study.

FormerD had wanted me to fill out a BDSM activity form, when we first started talking about this lifestyle. I said okay .. I will take a look.

I think I got to the third activity (can't even remember what it was - maybe spanked with a hair brush or a cane .. something like that anyway) ... and I shut down that window & sent him a message.

"if you want my mind to snap shut & have me ending up with a VERY big hard limit list, you will not ask me to fill this out" 

How so?

I have stated before on this blog (probably several times) .. when I think too much, THAT'S when I get into trouble. When I was looking at that checklist ... I swear, my head was saying NO FUCKING WAY .. to literally everything!!!!!

Most of it wasn't even that bad but my mind just couldn't grasp it. I am a very literal person ..and a visual one rather than technical, analyticil one.

I would much rather keep my mind open & be willing to try almost anything ... once.

Now that is not to say that I don't have hard limits because I do ... it may be a small list but it is rock solid.

Of course there are the standards ... no children (eww) or animals (triple ewww), no bloodletting, no guns, no knives, (why does that even have to be stated!!!),  needle play (although under the right circumstances) ... no medical play!

If I even hear the "E" word ... I would be out of there so fucking fast!!! And not be held responsible for any violence that I may incur. ... 'nuff said about THAT! *shudders*

But also on my little list (and this TRUTH!!!) :

My 4 lightsabers are NOT spanking implements!!!! 

COFFEE

MyBatman suggested ONCE that he should deny me my morning intake of caffeine  .. It immediately went on my hard limits list .. much to his amusement/bemusement! 

I had/have photography on there as well ... although I think it is more of a soft limit now. FormerD kinda encouraged me to take pictures for him .. not alot or not often but I didn't mind if I had "creative" licence. 

With MyBatman, I actually had alot of fun taking pictures of various tasks I had to do for him. They were very selective shots .. never revealing anything naughty or even what I looked like. He never asked for them .. I did that on my own. He only ever asked for (well ordered me to take) one photo and it was not anything bad. 

SafeD loves taking pictures ... and posting them on Fetlife & tumblr ... I know because he loves showing them to me when we are at coffee. Not something I am too interested in doing! 

Yes taking photos is definitely something that I will keep a certain amount of control over or it will go back on the hard limits list. 

So yup .. that's literally pretty much it. People are surprised with how small it is. I do have to usually add the codicil, that I am still relatively new to all this & bear that in mind BEFORE you decide you think you can go hog wild .. that will definitely result in a safe word to end the "play" more than likely permanently. Fortunately that has not really been an issue (well once with MrD) but it worked out. 

Of course, as always alot also depends on who you are with too! As always .. it is key .. chemistry, honesty & trust!!! 

It will grow .. my little hard limit list. I know I will add things as I go further down the rabbit hole. 

Gods only knows what other quirky things I will put on there.

 Hmmm, I wonder if I will have to put my ewok on there too! 

YUB NUB!!!!!  o.O 

Humiliation

I am not really sure why this is on my mind tonight but it is.

I have heard alot of talk about humiliation .. on the blogs, talking with friends, talks with My Batman. FormerD was (and still apparently) big on telling me how he was (will) going to humiliate me.

It's a funny thing "humiliation" . There are some blogs on tumblr. I guess I saw one yesterday that maybe got my brain churning. "All women are objects" is the blog's name and it was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Oh the pictures aren't bad .. it's the comments. The title of the blog is the most pleasant thing about it. ... disgusting human being. (yes some are into this and that's why, I am not here to judge, I just offer my own opinion as it pertains in my own life)

I am very open minded when it comes to the physical. I don't know. I have been peed on .. twice, used as a foot stool, made to drink out of a Kittie bowl, crawl around on all 4's cuffed & chained. Etc etc. I do acknowledge that I do not have alot of experience within this lifestyle but I am confident in saying that there is not too much I am not unwilling to try .. at least once anyway. (loaded statement I know .. I am sure there is more out there that I have not even heard about before but I am talking about what I do know of)

I do love a good mind fuck ... it will get my heart races & make me all squishy & wet. But words ... words hurt. This is probably where alot of my hard limits would lie.

Maybe it's because I am a very sensitive person .. and very literal. Say hurtful things to me & I WILL take them literally. One thing that has really made it to my hard limits .. something I have talked about to a couple of different people. You can NEVER call me a pig. EVER. I don't care what the context or if it's meant to push my boundaries & maybe break thru barriers. DON'T EVER CALL ME A PIG. My inner demons would eat that shit up & never let me forget it. And I WOULD believe it.

I just couldn't handle it.

In my life .. my vanilla life .. as a child, as a teenager & a young adult .. I have been called a pig, a fat pig in fact, ugly, freak, and a loser more times than I could count. My mother even called me a loser once .. my own mother ... I think I was 14 at the time & was wearing makeup for the first time. Nice.

The me, now, I can & will tell you to fuck off & die .. if you called me anything like that (but my inner demon would be in my ear laughing & saying "see I told you so") ... but for a young shy girl ... man those words HURT!

I have a pretty tough skin .. spending most of my adult life in the military (still very much a "man's" world) .. I had to learn to toughen up & build alot of walls to protect myself.

Anyway, I am not sure why I am writing this .. why now. Bored & trying to ward off the winter blahs? .. .waiting for my life to pick up again ... more than likely. Too much time on my hands & thinking .. always a bad combo for me.

And that tumblr blog ... really hit me. D/s is all about respect and I don't care if you are trying to "perpetuate" a certain image ... a sub is something to be cherished and respected, not to be called fuckmeat & worthless & ... well ... a pig.

*shrugs*