Humiliation

I am not really sure why this is on my mind tonight but it is.

I have heard alot of talk about humiliation .. on the blogs, talking with friends, talks with My Batman. FormerD was (and still apparently) big on telling me how he was (will) going to humiliate me.

It's a funny thing "humiliation" . There are some blogs on tumblr. I guess I saw one yesterday that maybe got my brain churning. "All women are objects" is the blog's name and it was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Oh the pictures aren't bad .. it's the comments. The title of the blog is the most pleasant thing about it. ... disgusting human being. (yes some are into this and that's why, I am not here to judge, I just offer my own opinion as it pertains in my own life)

I am very open minded when it comes to the physical. I don't know. I have been peed on .. twice, used as a foot stool, made to drink out of a Kittie bowl, crawl around on all 4's cuffed & chained. Etc etc. I do acknowledge that I do not have alot of experience within this lifestyle but I am confident in saying that there is not too much I am not unwilling to try .. at least once anyway. (loaded statement I know .. I am sure there is more out there that I have not even heard about before but I am talking about what I do know of)

I do love a good mind fuck ... it will get my heart races & make me all squishy & wet. But words ... words hurt. This is probably where alot of my hard limits would lie.

Maybe it's because I am a very sensitive person .. and very literal. Say hurtful things to me & I WILL take them literally. One thing that has really made it to my hard limits .. something I have talked about to a couple of different people. You can NEVER call me a pig. EVER. I don't care what the context or if it's meant to push my boundaries & maybe break thru barriers. DON'T EVER CALL ME A PIG. My inner demons would eat that shit up & never let me forget it. And I WOULD believe it.

I just couldn't handle it.

In my life .. my vanilla life .. as a child, as a teenager & a young adult .. I have been called a pig, a fat pig in fact, ugly, freak, and a loser more times than I could count. My mother even called me a loser once .. my own mother ... I think I was 14 at the time & was wearing makeup for the first time. Nice.

The me, now, I can & will tell you to fuck off & die .. if you called me anything like that (but my inner demon would be in my ear laughing & saying "see I told you so") ... but for a young shy girl ... man those words HURT!

I have a pretty tough skin .. spending most of my adult life in the military (still very much a "man's" world) .. I had to learn to toughen up & build alot of walls to protect myself.

Anyway, I am not sure why I am writing this .. why now. Bored & trying to ward off the winter blahs? .. .waiting for my life to pick up again ... more than likely. Too much time on my hands & thinking .. always a bad combo for me.

And that tumblr blog ... really hit me. D/s is all about respect and I don't care if you are trying to "perpetuate" a certain image ... a sub is something to be cherished and respected, not to be called fuckmeat & worthless & ... well ... a pig.

*shrugs*