Monday, April 29, 2013

Mr Experience & the Spare

So lightening struck.

I met somebody on POF that peaked my interest a bit. I think we (my gay friend & I) where in Hawaii at the time .. or just getting ready to leave for vacation.

This guy's name was something like "what's the point?" or "why bother" .. anyway, I liked it. And he was different from the other's. We are started talking (thank goodness for free wifi). I don't know what brought about the whole kink discussion ... it kinda freaked me out about but yeah it turned me on too. Talk dirty to me baby! I think I talked to him at least once a day during my whole vacation. He made me sooooo hot but really would I have enough nerve to met him once I got back home?

Then just shortly after the new year .. I get another message on POF. "I like Star Wars .. maybe we can get together & watch it". (I honestly did have that in my profile ... I love Star Wars ... maybe a deterrent to contact super weird chick?) But it's true!

Anyway, the Spare was super sweet, & so disappointed that I had "sorta met someone" .. it was cute. I don't know, I liked him ... we started talking. His screen name was "Subbie --- " And I was naive enough to ask why *rolls eyes* - okay I am not that bad, I had a good idea but still I wanted to go there. And he says he is not really a sub ... more like a Dom, but the "ladies feel less threatened by Subbie. Well duh! But isn't that false advertising??? Not that I was looking cuz I really wasn't!

So lightening struck twice, in less than a month! I swear I wasn't even looking for a Dom, or a Kinkster or Fetishist .. hells I wasn't even looking for a date. And seriously, who would go looking for a Dom on POF (honest question cuz if I were looking that would be the LAST place I would think of).

So now I had not 1 but 2 Doms looking to hook up. Mr Experience & the Spare.

How the HELL did that happen? And I was scared (excited) ... could I really do something like that? Hells yes, I figured I would never get an opportunity(s) like that literally falling into my lap, like that again.

They were like ying & yang. Mr Experience was all dirty talk & the Spare was just so good natured & sweet & asking me all sorts of questions .. trying to get to know me.

It should be noted that Mr Experience had 30+ years in the lifestyle (his deceased was had been his slave) and the Spare had very limited experience but ALOT of knowledge about the lifestyle. And the only thing I knew .. was the porn!

So things progressed, all Mr Experience wanted to do was talk about was what he was going to do to me, (did I have a friend I could bring!) & was constantly trying to get me to take pictures & send them to him. - uhhh no!
Somewhere along the long he wanted me to start calling him Sir. I didn't like that & said I would much rather call him Master - I liked the sound of it better. He said he would own me then. I thought it all a rather fun game. Did I know the difference .. no. Did he bother to explain it to me .. no. Come to think of it .. I should have asked the Spare cuz he knew about Mr Experience but Mr Experience did NOT know about the Spare. And the Spare was the one I could talk to, ask questions & learn stuff.

Meanwhile, the Spare was keeping things light & friendly. "Taking my time getting to know you" but he really wanted to meet for coffee. And truth be told . who do you think I was starting to like better?

It was all happening so fast too. I think all that transpired within the first couple of weeks of January. And I hadn't met either one of them yet, face to face. I finally went to meet Mr Experience, even though all the dirty talk (and calling me Slut & Whore regularily) was getting rather old. But I had met him first & still remember how intrigued I was initially. So we met up for coffee.

Now I pride myself in my ability to really not judge a book by it's cover & for my very open mind, but when I saw Mr Expeience for the first time, my mind screamed "PEDIPHILE" .. I know .. really stupid, especially since he is only 4 years older than me! For a man of 50, he didn't look a day over 65! But really it wasn't really the way he looked, it was the vibe I got off of him. I don't know .. no chemistry I guess. But stupid me .. I bitchslapped the little voice in my head & trudge along like a trooper. When we left the coffee shop .. we went into a parking garage ... GROPE GROPE GROPE!  Seriously, it was like being with a fumbling teenager. *sighs* Sometimes (alot) I am my own worst enemy cuz I still wanted to see it thru.

And still waiting in the wings was sweet little Spare, all patience & curious. He was setting up our own coffee date. But it wanted it to be a little "naughty" (I just loved the way he talks) .. maybe we could meet in a sex shop BEFORE coffee. OH MY! I really did blush into my computer screen. I was shy enough to go into one on my own but for a first date!!!!! But I did just love the way the Spare talked, and talked to me, and draw things out of me that I have never told anybody before. Honestly he had me swooning by this point.

But I am stubborn. I was determined that I would have this one (definately decided on only 1 by then) experience with Mr Experience. And that I did .. all I will say is YUCK! and leave it at that. A couple of days later I told him thank you but I really didn't think that BDSM was for me. And if that was the only thing I had .. it would have been true. It was a total turnoff.

And that just left the Spare .. who will henceforth now be known as My Dom ......

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Getting My Feet Wet (Getting Here)

I didn't set out looking for a D/s relationship, or kinky even. BDSM? Nice fantasy maybe, but I am too much of a coward for that!!!

I joined Plenty of Fish, more as a joke than anything. I needed somewhat of an escape from my reality.

I have a very happy, active (somewhat weird) social life. I am a geek, well to be more specific a HUGE Star Wars Fangirl. My social circle is all about the geekdom & Star Wars. We dress up (for charity I might add) and we go to comic conventions. It's ALOT of fun. I have finally found my niche & I am very happy with it.

But it is lonely. I got out of a long term (& unhealthy) relationship, a little over a year ago. I through myself into my social circle & I spent the year re-discovering myself. I have made many close attachments along the way. Everybody remark on how much more happier I was! Unfortunately everybody in my circle, are either married or gay! (yeah a couple of other single ladies in there as well - we're all straight so no "help" there either)

I have a very spiritually intimate relationship with a man that is just a baby really. He has just turned 21 & he is gay. I am almost 47 years old! We have a bond like no other. We are the "odd couple" ... our friends think of us like an old married couple. I spent a long time trying to figure it out. His mother even likes me ... she is 2 years older than I am. Weird! We all even went to Hawaii together for Christmas!

I have given up trying to figure it out .. it just is what it is. I just love him ..we are like soul mates. I guess I am the ultimate of fag hags (I SO hate that term).

But he is young. He has his whole life ahead of him & one day he will leave me .. or well I will definitely NOT be No1 in his life forever. This was also a very hard concept for me to fathom. I like that I am in the first person he talks to in the morning & the last he talks to at night .. not to mention all the silly little messages throughout the day.  But of course, it does not fulfil the needs I would have as a woman. A boyfriend to be specific. He doesn't like the idea of that but that is because he is a brat! *giggles* and he suffers from "only child syndrome".

"I don't want you but nobody else can have you either" - that's not what he says but it's there all the same!

It's not that he would ever stop me from pursuing a relationship, nor I him, but he does get jealous (unless he is seeing somebody himself). ... like I said Brat!

Anyway, I realized I needed to re-enter the dating world. I HATE the dating world in RL ... especially the "bar scene"  So I joined POF .. oh yeah the virtual meat market!

I met a couple of nice guys .. I was surprised. Of course,  I got alot of creepers too. It's really surprising how many 20 year olds are interested in "mature women" ... uhh, no thanks I've got my Brat that is MORE than enough for me.

And profiles? Do they read them? I was not really specific in who I am .. LOVE Star Wars and I am a biker (true story) ...

MARRIED MEN need not apply.

Apparently, this statement did NOT apply to all those married men who sent me messages. *rolls eyes*

And seriously, do guys really think sending a picture of their dick will get them laid? I like when they do that though ..

"Wanna see my lightsaber" *pic attached*  Yeah I looked - I needed a good laugh!  

My response .. "Lightsaber?! Looks more like a toothpick to me."

Hmm, the guy deleted his message. :'(

*shakes head* I LOVE fucking with losers though .. seriously. I can be very vicious if the situation deems & I love it.

Oh well I guess, putting myself out there, I was bound to get that sort of shit.

And then lightening struck .....

Dream Come True!!!!

I have loved ... LOVED Paul McCartney (Macca) for as long as I can remember .. 5-6 years old?

I have missed many opportunities to see him, in concert, found out too late, too expensive, too far away.

I have only ever been to one concert before. The Police Syncronicity tour in '83. I didn't like the crowds or the fact that they were throwing pop & live cigarette butts down on us.

I swore I would never go to another concert again .. except for Macca.

Last Monday it was annoucned that he was coming to my home town!!! It all happened soooo fast! I have so many things on the go & money tied up but he was coming!!!

Tickets were going on sale Friday at 10am.

I woke Friday morning feeling pretty desulte. I was pretty convinced that I would not be able to swing it. I would not be able to go to the concert. At 9am I was sitting at my desk at work ... I looked up the ticket website. It would be iffy if I would be able to get thru to buy tickets fm my computer at work (STUPID FIREWALLS) .. but I could go to a ticket outlet & try my luck there.

I went for it!

 I told my boss, what I was doing & I would make up the time. I HAD TO TRY! It was my long dream after all.

I didn't care about tickets .. I would have sat in the rafters, in the basement, on the roof! Hells, I would have sat outside the venue with my ear to the wall. Just to hear him .. would be amazing!

There were at least 20 people ahead of me in line. *sighs* and this was only 1 outlet store, among many (not including phone & internet). My nerves were shot! And still another 30 minutes before the tickets went on sale!

I knew that it was going to sell out fast. It's PAUL McCARTNEY after all!

It took forever, that line up! We were all soooo anxious. Friends on facebook, were anxious for me! I drained my iphone battery waiting for my turn.

The fifth person in line came away from the ticket window. "I got my two tickets .. we are not even sitting together" .. there are only single seats left .. in horrible locations" *groans*

And we waited .. and heard stories of the people ahead of us that either took the lousy single seats or passed "Oh there is a rumour that they are going to lay on a second show" .. sure, sure, I would rather not take the chance, thanks!

Finally, there are only 3 people left in front of me. It has been about an hour .. we are all waiting to hear "sold out". Then came the word .. there is only 1 seat left!!!! I wanted to push those 3 people out of the way & say MINE but of course ... no. I was pretty sure that the first 2 girls were together & would not take the ticket but the creepy guy in front of me ... I was sure he was going to get it. I was practically in tears. Soooooo close .. only to have it just out of your reach!

BUT OMG!!! He walked away!!! He frickin WALKED AWAY!! But there was still all the other outlet stores, the internet & the phone.

I was shaking as I walked up to the cashier ...

Her: "There is only 1.... "

Me: "I'll take it" ..

Her: "The seat ...."

Me: "I'll take it"

Her: "The cost .. "

Me: "I'll take it"

and ...


I was just about in tears as I paid for my ticket.

 That was so close! My nerves are shot!

I am still stunned & in awe.

I am soooo glad that I went for it & that I will get to fulfil a life long dream.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Beginning from the End.


I have been trying to start this blog for days now. The breaking of the ice is so difficult! Why?

Okay *deep breath*

I just got out of my very first D/s relationship. Neither one of us really wanted it to end but the outside world ... well shit happens right?

It was a short relationship .. just a little over 3 months, but what a ride!

I thought I knew what BDSM was all about. Dirty, dirty, dirty sex! Whoo Hoo - PORN!

The dynamics in a D/s relationship was shocking for me. I HAD NO IDEA!  (well duh!)

My Dom, lacked in experience but certainly made up for it with knowledge. he likes to learn. He was a good Dom, he was a great communicator, and loved to push. I loved being his sub.

He encouraged me to study & learn. That's how I discovered blogland. I was hooked. I have been lurking here for a couple of months now, quite enjoying peeking into the many different lives of the subs, doms, masters & slaves I have found on here.

It's been 17 days since we said goodbye. I feel like I have been sucked into a void. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the after effects of such an intensely emotional expeience, would or should be any less intense, but I have been thrown completely off kilter. I thought it would be like any other vanilla break up ... feel a little sad, maybe cry a little, then pick myself up , dust myself off & carry on. NOPE! I am lost and I am empty.

What am I suppose to do now?

I didn't go looking for a BDSM, D/s or any other kink type relationship. I just met a guy, and we started talking. This was offered to me and I was curious, so I went for it. I am not sorry I did but I got way more than I ever expected. Yes maybe I was naive but I have no regrets (well save for the ending of my relationship)

It's all been so confusing the past couple of weeks. And I have had nobody to talk to .. well, nobody that would understand. I am like the lone sprinkle in a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, in my world. So I reached out & asked for advice from somebody who knew.

He is a wise man. He said that once you started down this path, it would be difficult, if not impossible to go back. And I believe him .. completely.

Now I just have to find the courage (I really am quiet shy .. deep down) to keep going down this path .. alone. It's one thing to have somebody there to guide you but quiet another to be on your own, when you have had no other experiences to go on.

My submissivness, is still in its infancy. It's hard to know what the next step should be or even when it should be. Everything I know about this lifestyle is still so intertwined with my Dom that I am having a hard time seperating the two. And really, do I even know what I am looking for? What kind of sub I want to be. Ughhhh, so many questions. I answer my own questions with even more questions.

My first step (well second, since my first was asking for advice), is to start a blog. It seems to work for many of you. I am hoping I gain knowledge, to try to figure out who I am exactly and maybe if I am lucky make some new friends along the way!

Phew! There that's it ... my "introduction" into blogland.

I should come with a warning label "Likes to babble (& apparently rant)"

Thanks for "listening"

Lost Kittie =^.^=