Beginning from the End.

UGGGGHHHH!

I have been trying to start this blog for days now. The breaking of the ice is so difficult! Why?

Okay *deep breath*

I just got out of my very first D/s relationship. Neither one of us really wanted it to end but the outside world ... well shit happens right?

It was a short relationship .. just a little over 3 months, but what a ride!

I thought I knew what BDSM was all about. Dirty, dirty, dirty sex! Whoo Hoo - PORN!

The dynamics in a D/s relationship was shocking for me. I HAD NO IDEA!  (well duh!)

My Dom, lacked in experience but certainly made up for it with knowledge. he likes to learn. He was a good Dom, he was a great communicator, and loved to push. I loved being his sub.

He encouraged me to study & learn. That's how I discovered blogland. I was hooked. I have been lurking here for a couple of months now, quite enjoying peeking into the many different lives of the subs, doms, masters & slaves I have found on here.

It's been 17 days since we said goodbye. I feel like I have been sucked into a void. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the after effects of such an intensely emotional expeience, would or should be any less intense, but I have been thrown completely off kilter. I thought it would be like any other vanilla break up ... feel a little sad, maybe cry a little, then pick myself up , dust myself off & carry on. NOPE! I am lost and I am empty.

What am I suppose to do now?

I didn't go looking for a BDSM, D/s or any other kink type relationship. I just met a guy, and we started talking. This was offered to me and I was curious, so I went for it. I am not sorry I did but I got way more than I ever expected. Yes maybe I was naive but I have no regrets (well save for the ending of my relationship)

It's all been so confusing the past couple of weeks. And I have had nobody to talk to .. well, nobody that would understand. I am like the lone sprinkle in a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, in my world. So I reached out & asked for advice from somebody who knew.

He is a wise man. He said that once you started down this path, it would be difficult, if not impossible to go back. And I believe him .. completely.

Now I just have to find the courage (I really am quiet shy .. deep down) to keep going down this path .. alone. It's one thing to have somebody there to guide you but quiet another to be on your own, when you have had no other experiences to go on.

My submissivness, is still in its infancy. It's hard to know what the next step should be or even when it should be. Everything I know about this lifestyle is still so intertwined with my Dom that I am having a hard time seperating the two. And really, do I even know what I am looking for? What kind of sub I want to be. Ughhhh, so many questions. I answer my own questions with even more questions.

My first step (well second, since my first was asking for advice), is to start a blog. It seems to work for many of you. I am hoping I gain knowledge, to try to figure out who I am exactly and maybe if I am lucky make some new friends along the way!

Phew! There that's it ... my "introduction" into blogland.

I should come with a warning label "Likes to babble (& apparently rant)"

Thanks for "listening"

Lost Kittie =^.^=