The Bestest Brat Ever!!!!

We speat the afternoon rehearsing "A Sithmas Carol" for next weekends "PopExpo" (mini Ottawa ComicCon) Star Wars kids hour. (I play an ewok - a dramatic stretch for sure!!)

But when the Brat took me home .... he gave me a bag. "Early Christmas presents!!!"

He knows me well!!! 

But honestly ... aren't they AWESOME!!! I am still *SQUEEEEEEEE*   :D  

Just what the Doctor brat ordered! (I needed a little pick me up today) ;) 

I didn't even know they existed .. it's not very often one of my friends can best me when it comes to Star Wars collectiing!!!

*doing ewok happy dance* 

<3

The Things I Couldn't Say

Thank you so much for your email today. I was only 99.9% sure that you would respond back. ;)

And thank you for accepting my apology. Of course I accept yours as well.

It took every once of will power I had,  NOT to respond to your email today .. I figured I would let you have the last word for a change. *giggles*

And really ... what would be the point.

I know you wish we could be friends. Gods knows, I miss just being able to talk to you, soooooo much. But we both know, it would never be enough .. not for you and certainly not for me.

There are just a few more things I need to say.

All that guilt that you felt, was because you spent every waking moment with me, and thinking about me, even when you were "away". Not because you were dividing your time, compartmentalizing or whatever you want to call it. It was because you wanted it that way ... just as I did. That connection ... so strong. You felt guilty because it was me that consumed you. ME! Nobody else & that is the real reason you felt so guilty.  Just admit it, if only to yourself.

But I know it was all too much for you ... too overwhelming. Me & my crazy life. It would make anybody run for the hills. I do understand why you would not/COULD NOT,  want to take that risk. I do not bring balance to the force. We were a supernova but we DID not fizzle out ... snuffed is the proper term & you know that as well! So much upheaval to your life!

It was too much to ask, to hope for, especially for somebody who has his life organized, ordered, settled, to expect to be able to accept the chaos that is me. My poor corporate shark ... I am a whirlwind to be sure, but I know that that was what you loved too & it scared the hell out of you!

But oh it would have been so good. I have seen it! I have dreamt it ... dreams so real, I could almost taste them ... see you, which is a feat in itself, my faceless Dom.

*sighs* It's what I regret most of all  ... the "what could have been".

I do not blame you nor have I ever, not even at my angriest, or hurtiest points. I know that this decision hurt you as well. I know I have been very obstinate and I DO still mean absolutely everything I told you in September and I DO still KNOW that I am absolutely right as well. I don't know why I know or how I know .. I JUST KNOW!

Heh! This coming from the shy, and insecure girl that can't even look at herself in the mirror. You have changed me forever. I know what I know and I would fight til the death arguing it too. I have never been like this before.  Not with anybody else ever. To be quite honest, it's been a little scary.. I don't know what to say. I guess you are just worth fighting for. *shrug* ... I don't really understand it other than than, I am just going by my instincts. And every instinct has screamed THIS IS WHAT'S right. *shrug*

I have never cried so much in my life. Weeks of crying, every day. I couldn't even masturbate for a long time, I was so tied to you and the first time I did ... I cried, but I took it back from you, I had to. I cried all Tuesday night. I cried today after your email .. and yes I am crying now. I know ... it's weird but I just can't help it. I don't know .. maybe I will always cry over you. But that's okay, I can live with that. :)

But enough.

Today .. I don't know what happened today. Maybe, just seeing your email was enough? I don't know. Something just clicked. Today, I am ready. Today, it's just time. And yes it's a good thing.

I will really try very hard, not to lurk on your blog anymore *smirk*. It has been very hard not to & will be very hard to fight the urge. It's been the only piece of you I had left. It has been hurtful to go there but so good to see that you are still out there, even though I do not like to see what has been happening.

I have to say here, that the post I made .. the one after the world series, I am sure that you know the one I am talking about, was not made to hurt you. It was my distress call. I see where you are going & want to scream NOOOOOOOOOO! But I cannot. It is so not who you are and I hate seeing you go down that path ... to end up like lil jo or Julie's husband David. That is NOT who you are. I appreciate & understand that it is a part of you, and on some levels you need it, but deep down, it is not who you are. And I hate seeing you turned into that. Not my wicked Dom, not my friend, not my geeky, baseball loving good little catholic boy. I have seen the REAL you! Please if nothing else don't let it completely change you. :(

.... so no more stalking .. I promise to try. That is the best I can do.

I am taking your words to heart. I am moving on. There is a really wonderful man, he has asked if I will be his Sub, and today, well today ... it's just time. I will send him here to my blog ... let him see the crazy & if he will still have me ...

And if not, there will be others. And that is good enough for me.

I will ALWAYS remember. I only have the one regret though. Even in my darkest hours, when I wanted to hate you, when I wished the hell I had never met you .. I did not regret. And yes I KNOW you do give a flying fuck!!!  :D

I will leave you with this and a request.

http://youtu.be/Lv_BV-BRUso   ... I am done denying it .. it just is what it is.

and please I would really like to have a picture. Call it my consolation prize. Won't you please send one .. you don't even have to say anything (probably better if you didn't). But please? For me?

Thank you for everything ... it's been my kind of crazy.

love,
your kittie

To all my American Friends! 

I hope you enjoy your holiday with loved ones and friends. 

Do you????

Do you tumbl???

I made an account in August .. I had lurked there for quite awhile & the Batman & I sent alot of pics back & forth from there so I thought what the hell & made my own account.

I have become quite addicted .. especially over the past 3 months. It has helped occupy .. my time. :D

And I don't know why but apparently my blog is becoming quite popular. I don't know why because all I do is reblog other peoples pictures. *shrug*  ... weird.

I never expected it either, but I have met some really nice people along the way. I get the odd douche bag message me but mostly it's been very positive.

Of course there is SafeD ... who I have YET to set up a play date with. Not for lack of trying .. we are just having some scheduling issues. This week is no good .. he is attending a Shiva (I hope I spelt that right) all week (which is a 7 day Jewish funeral) .. he looks good in a suit though *giggles* ... we met up during work yesterday as I had not seen him all the last week ... he wanted to come out for a smoke with me .. ahhh ... it was freezing AND he doesn't smoke! Sweet.

But there are others as well.

Geeky ... who is a writer in London. I just bought his wife's first book ...

fantastic read!!! Very educational!! You can find it under biographies ;) 

I will  have to order this one online but I cannot wait to read it ...  

Anyway, I haven't met her yet but I know we shall be fast friends. Geeky is alot of fun to hang out with (via email).

There are probably about 6 different people I am talking too ... all casually. Some people actually think I am all set to "play" or "sext" or .. whatever you kids are calling it these days. But no no no ... I am all about making friends & getting to know people .. beyond that ... it's a kinda wait & see thing.  Mostly people respect that & those that don't ... I get to roast them alive .. which is ALWAYS fun. >;)

But it's fun ... meeting people from all walks of life and from all over the world *waves to fondles* .. don't  you think?

I have a friend in Australia now .. I call him "man of the future" .. he tells me what's going to happen within the next 15 hours! ... it's AMAZING *giggles*

It's not just Doms I have met either ... a couple of switches, and a couple of female subbies too. I do stay away from Dommes because (no offence to anybody I KNOW) ... I HATE Dommes & their fucking little sissy bois.(I know that is very intolerant of me BUT I have my reasons)

 SafeD's wife is a Domme & it shows ... I have met her once & .. yeah ... no thank you! *shivers* and not the good kind either!

Anyway, back on target.

Then may even be somebody .... special. I don't know ... way too early to tell but HELLO!!!!  That's all I have to say about that!!!

So anyway .. do you Tumbl???

You can find me at  http://geekiekittie.tumblr.com/    ... where a picture says a thousand words! ;)

Total Klutz or ANGRY CAT IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!

After having a horrible night ... virtually no sleep, bad dreams & a migraine, I head down the stairs for coffee. The cat decides to race down the stairs (he does NOT believe in walking). Down goes my foot on the the cat (not the step) & down I go ... I did a perfect somersault too. Don't worry the wall of the landing broke my fall & my head broke the drywall! I slid the rest of the way on my ass!!!

I am so graceful!

Not to worry, besides adding to the migraine & what's going to be a very bruised bum (not in a good way) .. I am fine.  Stiff & sore all over but I am use to that - did I ever tell you I have fibromyalgia?? I am use to pain.

I will be walking funny at work today!!!

And to boot we are in the midst of our first snow storm too!

HAPPY WEDNESDAY! *sighs*

Three Months - 12 Weeks - 84 Days

But who's counting. *sighs*

It still seems like  yesterday, since the end of the Batman.

I wish to Gods, I could just forget him. And no, I do NOT want to feel this way. I do NOT like feeling this way - hung up on somebody who doesn't give two flying fucks about me.

I am not doing it on purpose .. I am really really not. I just can't help it.

At least it is not all doom & gloom. I have SafeD to play with (soon I hope). And I am meeting new people all the time. There are even some possiblities looming in the mist.

But he was my Batman. And the connection was so strong & so real & so .... well, it's not likely I will ever feel something like that again. Yes yes I know ... plenty of fish & all that nonsense. "Just get over it already, Kittie!!!!"  You will just have to trust me ... 46 (almost 47) years of my life. That's how long it took me to find that one person that checked off all the boxes ... not long at all *rolls eyes*

I am not saying that I loved him ... I hardly even know what that really means. I have never really been "in love" before ... I have said the words & they have been said back to me. I have been in long term relationships before & hells I was even married once ... for a minute (okay a year & a half but whatever). 

There has been nothing compared to this. Which is totally fucking stupid to my logical side. How can I feel this way about somebody who I had never even met & I don't even know what he looks like (not that that matters to me in the slightest - just making a point). Have I regressed so far from reality??? o.O 

But I cannot help the way I feel. It is who I am & what I do. And I have NEVER even remotely felt like this before ... EVER.

 And holy fuck ... we have been apart twice as long as we were together. How sad am I??? 

Really though .. I am moving ... ever forward. Keeping an open mind and all that rot. I am not completely pathetic. I am happy in the rest of my life. I have good friends & family & I social & active. I am living my life & I will continue to explore all life throws my way but ... 

I will never forget & will always regret. 

Home to ANGRY CAT!

Ahhh .. it is so good to be home.

My cat is very happy to have me home too!!! The Brat stopped by alot while I was gone but still.

When I am gone, my cat gets mad & pees in my front hall closet. Such a lovely smell when you first walk in your door after being gone all week. (anybody have any idea how to break THIS nasty habit .. I am all ears)

We had a quiet night ... Boo (the cat) .. stuck to me like glue or "yelled" at me if I dared leave him alone for 5 minutes.

He even slept with me .. which is rare.

And I woke up to him literally sitting on my face.

So seriously ... Sunday morning waking up to a face full of pussy!!!

Happy Sunday!

DADDY's HOME!!

No, not that kind of daddy!

Thank the Maker!

 We brought my dad home from the hospital today!!! Yay!!!! He was actually supposed to be out yesterday
but the DRs felt that he could benefit one more night, due to the fact that it took so long for his oxygen levels to come back to normal. (we were grateful for that though)

But he is doing well & on the mend so we are all very grateful for that! Well he is finding it hard to move around and he is pretty weak but all in all ...

 I will be heading home tomorrow & back to my regularly scheduled life ... such as it is!

I have had lots of time "off" this week. I have been doing lots of thinking .. that is never good. I have even started a couple of "deep" blog posts .. I am not sure if I will post them or even finish them. We'll see though.

Ramblings

Well, my dad is not doing as great as we had first hoped. As of the end of visiting hours last night, his oxygen levels were still low (he is on oxygen still), his blood pressure still low. They had to put in a catheter on Tuesday morning. He was suppose to be up & moving yesterday morning but "apparently" the nerve blocker they gave him, is still in his system. When it was time for physio yesterday afternoon, he could not even stand up. They stood him up & his legs just buckled. *sighs* Hopefully today will be a better day.

In the meantime, my Mom is just exhausted. She has been a lot more worried than she has been letting on. And not sleeping well. She was up at 4am this morning .. doing dishes.

I brought make work projects with me. I am currently making a new ewok .. Ewok 2.0 ... sewing is FUN. I can barely sew a button on a shirt, yet I am making my second fur suit. Those Star Wars guys I hang with are such bad influences ;)

We have our annual "Help Santa Toy Drive Santa Claus Parade" on Saturday. The ewok will be done for it but I doubt I will be back home in time for the parade anyway. My dad was suppose to get out of the hospital on Thursday but that is likely NOT to happen now. But hopefully by Saturday he will be. I really want to be here, just to get him settled at home. I have to go back to work on Monday so everything is looking better iffy right now. 

SafeD are on cruise control. We are just waiting on the when now. I was hoping maybe this weekend but again ... doesn't look good. We are definately ready though. ;) 

Lots of flirting going on thanks to tumblr. I talk on a semi-regular basis to about 6 guys .. just for fun .. not even particularity smutty talk. Although some random dude sent be a cock shot the other day .... HUGE ... nuff said there ;) 

And of course there is that ONE that always peaks your interest. He is driving me crazy. I would jump thru the computer right now & throw myself at his feet. However, THAT is not reality. And although, he loves to tease me ... he is very VERY much poly & I just cannot do that. I am fair too neurotic and "needy" to ever have to share. And selfish ... more & more selfish everyday. 

Besides I am DONE with being second best!!!! 

Happy Hump(ing) Day everybody!!!! 

A Quick Up Date

Wow, what a long day!!!!

My Dad is doing well, exhausted but resting well in his room. Very little pain ... so fair (lots to be said for those nerve block thingies) & not too stoned either *giggles*

The surgery took a little longer than expected and his blood pressure is a little bit low, but it was a success & the Dr is happy.

My mom & I just got home from the hospital. I think we are both as exhausted as the old man.

Thanks for the well wishes, prayers, and messages. They were greatly appreciated.

The fun begins tomorrow ..... rehab! ;)

With a Little Help from My Friends

Hello Blogland,

I have a favour to ask.

My dad is going in for surgery today. It's not major surgery by any means but still, given his age & the fact that he is rather frail, it is still rather serious.

 He is scared to death (big man baby - typical) ... I am a little scared myself (yeah we'll go with "a little").

So I am asking, for prayers, blessing, chants, olhms, force healing (no force chokes please), Gregorian chants, or whatever flavour you do practice. Positive energy is what we need!

Thanks & wish us luck.

(((hugs)))
gk

Sunday Funnies (they aren't even dirty!)

... just because! :D

 !!Friendly PSA!!

GO FORD GO! *sneer*

What? (you know you smiled a little at this one) *groans*

CATMAN OVER THE BAT ANY DAY OF THE WEEK & TWICE ON SUNDAY!!

Have a fantabulous Sunday Bloggers!!!

*muah* 

It's RED Friday

It's Red Friday today (and every Friday since 2001).

Wear red today & support our (your) troops!!!!!

(hmmm, apparently I am VERY verbose today)

Government Inter-Departmental Negotiations - Hot Chocolate, Game of Thrones & Figging!!!

Today, SafeD took me out for "lunch" ... which consisted of hot chocolate, the debrief on Season 2 of Game of Thrones which I finished last night & negotiations. Yes we are finally getting around to talking about playing together. I did pretty well, I don't think I blushed too much (it's one thing about talking about this stuff online, quite another when face to face).

This past week has definitely seen us "up our game". Going out to MLO on Saturday night really helped to break the ice ... so to speak. We have started texting.

Up until then, we have mostly talked via work email (government email - contrary to what John Q public might think - is not the best venue to be talking about butt plugs & canes!)

Apparently neither one of us was sure the other wanted to play at all. Even our coffee dates have been centered around vanilla topics & were rather quick affairs.

He is a very hard man to read. He is very open & honest in all things, which of course one would expect, especially for somebody who has literally lived this lifestyle for the majority of his life (he started down his path at age 15!)

So I have found it rather difficult to breach the subject of playing myself. So we finally did that on Monday!

My biggest concern is that I am not experienced enough, not that I think that he would hurt me or go over my limits.  But the reality is that I don't really have alot of "practical/physical experience" under my belt. I am more worried about not measuring up or that he wouldn't like it.

Rest assured, he has assured me otherwise! ;)

So really, we just have to figure out a time & a place ... okay, pretty sure it's going to be my (very very messy) house ... but the when is the big question mark. I have been extremely busy the past 3 weeks ... working 10-12 hour days, coming home & passing out afterward (well exhausted at any rate - usually too stupid to actually go to bed at a decent hour), & my weekends I am usually trooping at least one day. I am off all next week - going to spend the week with the parental units. So ... timing is everything.

It's going to be very interesting. Topics of conversation at lunch included ....

canes, floggers, all sorts of "stingy" paddles, butt plugs, pictures, figging AND VIOLET WANDS!!!

OH MY!

(I should really change his name ... from SafeD to the PROFESSIONAL) ... hmmmm

The Great White North

http://youtu.be/bV_041oYDjg

I came across this video tonight.

I don't know .. maybe because I am a bordertown girl - I looked at upstate New York almost everyday of my life. The border is NOTHING ... a bridge?or in the middle of a town that is half in New Brunswick and half in Maine? Hells I even crossed into Vermont thru a border that was in the middle of a corn field! I drove 20 hours once & arrived in Daytona Beach.

Some people think Canada might as well be in Siberia.

My point???

I don't really have one ........ just sayin'

LOVE OUR LURKERS DAYS!!

Oooh! I didn't know today was the day!!! It's my first LOL day ever *giggles*

I want to take a moment to say thank you to all the lurkers. I was a lurker myself for months before I decided to write my own blog. Lurking is a fine way to slowly "introduce" yourselves to this fine fine community. 

So thank you all you lurkers. I do hope you take a moment out of your busy lurking schedules to say hello, to all those bloggers you visit. 

This is YOUR day!!!! Enjoy!

:D 

Mad love to you all!

=^.^= 

geekie kittie

HAPPY LURKERS DAY!!!!   

Dear Ignorant Immigrant!

To the ignorant immigrant I just met at the corner store, from all those who didn't make it home, the veterans, those still serving, and all those who have lost loved ones, 
"We are truly sorry to cause you such inconvenience ... We will try to "do things differently" in the future so that the one day a year we take to remember, will not have such a negative impact on your life by having shops/stores/government services shut down on this one day a year. And you're fucking welcome ... enjoy this fine country you find yourself living in!" >:'(


... sorry I just have never been so insulted!!! 

Lest We Forget

For my entire adult life, since I was 16 years old actually, I have proudly served my country. Even now, I am a civilian employee for the Canadian military.

Remembrance Day has always played an important role in my life. Always in uniform, parading, usually with my bugle band. In the early days, toasting those who died, with my Deputy Commanding Officer, with cherry branding. Then spending the rest of the day with the vets in the Legion, drinking too much, & just listening to their stories. It was so important to them to be heard.

I have played the Last Post (Canada's version of Taps), on many a Remembrance Day as well. Once aboard my ship in London's harbour. Hells I even had the supreme honour of playing it for those amazing men that are at rest on Vimy Ridge.  (I stood & I played my trumpet right there between the 2 towers & I was so honoured & proud)

One day I played the Last Post 5 times, in 5 small fishing villages on the Brittany Coast of France as those good people "celebrated" their harrowing night in April 1945, when a German Uboat sank one of my Canadian ships off the coast. What an amazing story ... those brave people, in occupied France, defying their captors - some even had guns pointed at them, to try & save a bunch of sailors, or at least try to give them a proper burial! One gorgeous 85 year old man Paul, almost burst into tears, apologizing to me that his family could not save them (he was 5 years old at the time).

Now, it is so much different. I now "celebrate" Remembrance Day in the weeks leading up to the ceremony (if you followed my facebook .. my wall has been FILLED with it!). 

But Rememberance Day is so much more now. We now have Silver Cross mothers again .. our fallen are again the younger generation.

I am a veteran. I am proud to be a veteran. It was always important to remember those who passed so long ago, always so important to keep their sacrifices alive. But it is so much more real to me now. The military IS my family and it IS my life.

I have not been to war. I have served in conflicts & I have kept the peace during times of trouble, but I am fortunate to not have gone to war. I have had many friend that have. I have had many friends that have been wounded and I have lost friends as well.

This video was sent to me by a friend of mine about a month ago .. I cannot sit thru it without crying. It is real & it is haunting & it is beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD873WrqyLg&feature=share&list=UU84zo1hojnhP8uBpqSOWTHA

In the early stages of our "war on terror" in Afghanistan, a tradition was soon born, when our fallen soldiers came home. They flew into our main Air Force Base in Trenton, Ontario to grand fanfare, their families, politicians, and high ranking military officials, were there to greet them. Then they would be loaded into the  hursts and the followed by limos for the families & dignitaries. They were driven to the Coroner's office in downtown Toronto. It is about a 3 hour car ride down the 401 hwy, forever now known as the "highway of heros"  from Trenton to Toronto. Each and every one of our fallen comrades that died in Afganistan was given this very special tribute. The "Highway of Hereos" was not a planned tribute, it was born from the people of this country, who just wanted to say "thank you for your sacrifice" This video is a moving tribute of many of these journeys. And it makes me so very very proud of the Canadian people. I hope you take a minute to watch it.

http://youtu.be/h3IutxvltBM

I do not have to work today. I do not go to the ceremonies anymore, nor do I go to the Legion and "celebrate" but I will remember in my own way. So please, at 11am, take a moment of silence and remember them for all that they have given up. Thank you!

http://youtu.be/S8gRx8tWJmI

---- oh & some useless trivia ---- my Grandmother is OLDER than Remembrance Day ... today she turns 101!!!!! Happy Birthday Nan - I love you!

She Always Was a Bad Influence on Me!!!

An old friend of mine, Evil Muffin, is in Canada for a week. She now lives in the Netherlands. We go waaaaay back.

Anyway, last night we decided to go out. We went to the Mr Leather Ottawa contest & had a blast!

A friend of mine, T, from the geeky community was quite shocked to see me there! *giggles*   I came out to him last night too. DOUBLE WHAMMY SHOCK.

''

My friend T - his husband was one of the competitors (he came in second) 

And SafeD was there. He & his wife are part of the Leather Group that organizes the event. I got to meet his wife ... yup she is definitely a Domme (I have a thing about Dommes ... I HATE them!!!!!) She was pleasant enough .. in her cold Domme manner. It was good to meet her though because if SafeD & I ever do decide to play .. then I won't feel like it's some sort of betrayal. He has always assured me that it is not, but it was still nice to see face to face. - I guess that is the newbie that is me, coming into play. SafeD does represent a different side to this lifestyle .. one that I am only just now starting to get use to & exploring.

Evil Muffin was impressed that I knew a couple people at this very obvious gay fetish event. By the end of the evening ... we knew quite a few more people. She was overheard several times saying to various leather clad hotties "You don't know how much I wish I had a dick right now" ... Yup, that's my buddy! :D

We even had a 24 year straight dude, wanting to take us both on. "oh Baby, sorry but we would KILL you!" 

And we had fun ... getting stamp tramped every time we walked by the door guy! 

There are many more but I cannot show them off in public *blush* 

We did go to the after party at the local gay bar but we only stayed for one more drink then it was home to pass out!!! I am hung over today!!! O.o   The first hangover I have had in almost 10 years too! Come to think of it the Evil Muffin was responsible for my last hangover too!!!

Made it home safe & sound. From 18-hole Dr Martins & into some very comfy feet! :D 

Fun fun fun & just what the doctor ordered! Now ... back to bed for me!!! *groans* 

The Last Kiss (very long post!)

He was leaving me. He felt He had to go back to His wife, especially for the sake of the children. He wanted to talk to me about it but no, He didn't want to talk about it online, as He distrusted the security and felt this needed to be done face to face. The only problem with that is we never seem to be able to just talk when we are alone together. *giggles*

It took about a week before He was able to find a free evening. He was coming over and wanted me to be in the "present position" (kneeling, ass up & face down - His favourite).

"But i thought you wanted to talk Sir"

"Until such time that it is done, you are still Mine!"

- alrighty then.

That morning, i was on TV ... we (Star Wars gang) were promoting an upcoming charity event. It's one of the few times i will wear make-up ... when i do the Star Wars - it's better for the pictures. And TV too!

Anyway, i decided to keep the make-up on for our "talk". Former D had never seen me with make up so i thought .. what the hell, right?

He was coming at 6pm. i was ready ... candles lit, lingerie on, the lace top & matching panties with the fishnet stockings. (he loved that set so!!), .. the usual (no music though).

It was a weird feeling .. knowing this would be the last time we were together. He hadn't actually come out & said that He was going back to His wife but i knew ... of course He was going. Anyway, i was full of all sorts of emotions.

But i was waiting ... on my knees, ass up & forehead kissing the floor. We had actually not had a chance to practice this, our favourite ritual, in a long time, because time always seemed to be a factor. Oh well it seemed a fitting end.

He arrived, like He always has, quietly moving into the room. I had my collar out on the little table, waiting for him.

He always insisted, He be the one to put my collar on me .. i don't know why .. i guess it made Him feel more Domly? *shrug* i thought it was cute anyway.

Ooops I digress ... where was i? Oh yes, FormerD HAS arrived. He stands in front of me so i may kiss His socks .. just a couple of light kisses to say hello. :)  .. then He moves off to the side of the bed where he proceeds to undress.

I am quiet as I await his pleasure. I always got so wet, while I waited & my body would always start trembling before He even touched me.

He is in front of me again .. naked now. He bends down & grabs my pony tail & pulls me up to kneel before him. I am staring at a raging hard on. I know better than to go for it but my mouth is watering. He has my collar in his hand and he reaches around to buckle on. I did sneak a kiss ... just below his belly button. One of those nice soft butterfly kisses, that can tickle & soothe.

*SMACK* ... he slaps my face for my sassy little kiss. *giggles*

He then lifts my arms up over my head so he can remove my lace top. Once done, he grabs the o-ring of my collar & stands me up ...

*SWOOSH* off come the panties & he has grabbed his tie. He binds my hands behind my back & turns me 180 degrees.

There we are, eyeball to eyeball as he stands ooooh so close to me. Our breath mingles.

He takes a step back and with all the sincerity & seriousness in the world says to me ....

"Do you want to talk?"

WTF ... NOW??????

.. with your raging hard on & wetness literally running down my leg??

"No Sir"   after a pause I add ..

"Do you?"

"No!"

.. well ok then.

He steps away & walks behind me to the "tickle chest" - after the second "date" I made shelf in my armoire for his use.

I don't know what he grabbed but it didn't take long to find out ...

*SWOOSH* .. right across my back!

ahhh, the flogger I had made for Him (my favourite!)

After a couple of strokes across my back & ass .... he was in front of me again. I am still standing, in the middle of the bedroom. He stands about 3 feet in front of me. This is all new ... usually when he flogs/spanks/paddles etc me, I am at least kneeling and on the bed. And I have never been struck from the front before.

Hmmmm ...

So I stand there & I am looking at him. We just look at each other for a couple of minutes and then he begins. The flogger flies, it's a steady barrage ... up & down my body, to the side, around back & then back to the front again. He takes several trips, walking around my body, the flogger always in motion.

I am not sure what came over me, I don't know if was a need to please, or knowing that it would be the last time. I made an subconscious decision  .. I guess.

But I just stood there, my eyes locked onto his. I would not close my eyes for anything. And I would not flinch, I would not move .. and I would give him everything, like a parting gift.

I do not know how long the flogging went on for ... 30 mins maybe? 3 hours? I have no idea. Time stood still for us. It was amazing!

At one point, he threw the flogger down, came up beside me, grabbed me by the neck, pulled me in & kissed me with a force like I have never been kissed before. I have never, ever seen anybody with such a look in his eyes! It was so raw, so impassioned & so primal. That look is forever etched into my mind for eternity. It was incredible.

And he wasn't done! He picked the flogger back up & had another go. Up & down, all around, side to side. Harder & harder. And I stood there & I watched him. It was almost like I wasn't there at all (maybe this was the fabled subspace I never heard about at the time???) But finally, it got to me. I took a quick step back at one point but quickly recovered. It finally got too unbearable & I gave him what He wanted.

"Red Sir!"  .. but that wasn't good enough.

Where?

"My nipple Sir"

Which one?

"The left one Sir"

Ok.

He went on a little while longer (making sure to avoid the tender bits now). Fuck, how long had he been at it? I have no idea. Finally he threw the flogger away and came to me.

Fuck you can take alot!!!!!

"Thank you Sir" (I was actually quite proud of that!)

He cuddled & kissed me a bit, making sure that I was still with him before he pushed me to my knees and fucked my face. Another boundary He always liked to push. I am a very bad gagger but that never bothered him ... "Breath, precious!" I had actually gotten pretty good at deep throating him & didn't dread it nearly as much as when we first started. No dread isn't really the right word .. It didn't scare me near as much as what it use to.

But he was not content with that for very long. He pulled me up by my collar & brought me to the side of the bed where I was pushed down and laid back so I was across the bed with me butt at the edge & my feet over the side.

"Are you ready to suffer for your Dom?"

You mean I haven't been????? o.O

He went to the armoire & got something out of it.

Sit Up!

He tied one of the scarves around my head as a blindfold & pushed me back down again. Then he positioned himself in front of me between my open legs. Suffer? Hmmmm???

Then I felt the clothes pin close on my clit.

OH MY! (never had this happen before)

I can honestly say it didn't really hurt too much. I could feel it pinch but it only really hurt when he pulled on it or tapped it a couple of times.

Then he brought out the vibrating egg. All the while he kept talking to me. Reminding me about the assignment he had me do awhile back - find 10 videos of cunt torture & send him the links.

How many of those do you think we can do, my precious fucktoy?

"I don't know Sir"

You don't know???

"No Sir"

Well let's find out, shall we?

"moans"

The vibrating egg on the clothes pin was having quite the effect on me & apparently my legs were trying to close (I didn't even notice)

Open your legs!!! *SMACK* across the thigh!!

He's fingers started to work there magic & he started to finger fuck me.

Are you going to cum for me, precsiou?

"Yeeeeeeeees Sir"

Not without asking me you are not!

"May I cum please Sir?"

Not yet.

bang bang bang, ... vibrate the clothes pin ...bang bang bang

"Ooooo Sir!!!"

Yes precious??

"may i cum please Sir"

Are you ready to cum for your Dom??

"yes please Sir"

Okay, on the count of 10 ... 9 ... 8 ....

... 1 cum!!!!

squirt, squirt, squirt ..... O.O

Again!

10 .. 9...  ..... 1   ... CUM!

squirt, squirt SQUIRT!!!

fingers never stop fucking me ... I am making my way across the bed ... my feet are no longer touching the floor ....

Again!

10 ... 9 .... 1 ... NOW!

squirt, squirt SQUIRT .... skooch across the bed some more.

Again!

and Again!

and Again!

OMG! Where does this man get his stamina ... his fingers never stop .. not once.

meanwhile my head is now at the other edge of the bed & starting to tilt back. I am a whithering, moaning mess by now ... trembling & shaking like a leaf! He stops (finally) but only to pick up the vibrating egg again and concentrate more on the clothes pin.

Does my precious slut like that???

"mumble mumble?"

What a mess you have made!!! Your bed is soaked. Shame on you

"mumble, sigh"

Fingers go back to what they were doing ...

Again!

*groans*

AGAIN!

10... 9.... 1 .. CUM!!!!

gush!

AGAIN!

(holy fuck!!!!!)

"NOOOOOO" head tossing from side to side.

No? NO?!?!
YES!!!
AGAIN!!!!!

Fingers slamming relentlessly into me now .. the pinch of the clothes pin is now almost searing pain.

10 ... 9 .... 1 ... CUM!!!

GUSH!!!

(how am I even doing this?????)

OMG! I am surely dying ...........

AGAIN!

"Nooooooooooooo" .........

"Yellow"  ...as I am twitching uncontrollabey and now my head and neck are completely off the bed!

One more!

slam slam slam ... flick the clothes pin ... see the pain slut jump!

NOW!

GUSH GUSH GUSH!

GOOD GIRL!

*sighs*
"Thank You Sir"

AGAIN!

"Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk"

One More.

(why has his arm NOT fallen off by now? all that flogging & now all this banging! - seriously) O.O

Ready?  ... 10 ... 9 .... 8 ....1 ... CUM!

squirt squirt squirt!
thrash, spasm, buck,

One More!

"No Sir pleaseeeeeee ..." tossing head side to side

Awww, poor baby ... AGAIN, ONE MORE!

Reaaaaady?  ...... Cum
and I did! I don't know how the hells he did that. I could barely cum before I met him & now he had me squirting right off the fucking bed!!!!!

But it was finally over ... he removed the clothes pin after giving it one final twist & shake (I screamed at that one) & turned the egg off.

I was a trembling puddle of goo, with my shoulders & head completely off the other side of the bed at this point. He walked around the bed, pushed me up a bit & his cock again found the back of my throat. He face fucked me for a very little bit & then he took the blindfold off and helped me turn around .. scurry across the bed and get on my hands & knees.

He proceeded to fuck me from behind. Hard & fast & it was soooo good ... I was really sore but it was like he rock solid cock was soothing as it slammed into me. Weird how that works?!?! And by this time I wanted him to cum ... I was sooooooooooooo tired. I never wanted the night to end but my body was a wreck.

He didn't fuck me for long though.

Holy fuck, I am tired .... as he pulls out of me for a final time & flops down on his back with his head in the heap of pillows at the head of the bed.

I think it's time you took care of me, don't you think precious???

"Yes Sir" I replied eagerly ... all my tiredness seemed to magically disappear!

So I settled down between his legs & eagerly begin to work on his cock. I love worshipping him .. esepcially when he let me do it MY WAY! I played with his cock for quite awhile .. with my hands, my mouth, my tounge as he lay back & watched me. He knew enough by now that he didn't NEED to direct me & that I would do a "good" job. So I teased & sucked & nibbled to the point where he started to moan slightly. Then I moved down a bit more so my face was buried.

Now the man knows what he likes & is not afraid to admit it. Which suited me just fine. I started to go lower, sucking in his balls, and swirling them around with my tongue, keeping a firm grasp on his shaft & never taking my eyes off his. And then my tongue licks lower to his ass. He LOVES this most of all. And quite frankly it made me sooooo hot. My tongue darting in & out of his ass while my nose tickles at his balls. I am looking up at him, my hair all a mess in front of my face ... peering past his cock. It really sets him off when I do that. He tries to keep his eyes focused on me but he is a goner. So soon, I replace my tongue with my index finger ... it's so wet down there from the constant "tongue lashing" I have been giving him that lube is not even required. My finger has no trouble finding his prostate & if there was any doubt the huge growl he emits lets me know I have found my mark. My finger is happily messaging his prostate, and my other hand is stroking his cock ever so leisurely and my tongue is bathing his balls. He is almost to the point where he is now the thrasher on the bed!! I was so lost in this dreamy existence that I almost missed it ... almost without warning, his moaning had become quite guttural so that when he started to cum the "OHHHHH FUCK!" was barely recognizable! But I managed to "catch it" in time. Once he started to come .. my mouth quickly sucked his whole cock in & I managed not to miss an incredible drop!!!

I lay there for a few minutes basking in the afterglow, just nuzzling & giving butterfly kisses around his crotch & inner thighs, as he floated back down from his orgasmic high. Once he was back down to earth I slithered back up into the comfort of his arms and that's when he said it ....

"that was the best fucking orgasm I have EVER had!"

*blush* & *giggles*

And as it must, reality started to set back in and we FINALLY had our talk. Yes, it was almost for certain that he was moving back home. His kids were having such a hard time adjusting and were not doing very well at all. And of course he still had feelings for his wife. ... yadda yadda yadda, There really wasn't much for me to say .. what could I say? I really just listened. My concern was that he was given up a very important part of his life (not me per se but the dominant side of him - his wife was DEFINITELY not interested in that sort of thing) and that he was going back for the right reasons because kids are smart & will pick up on negative vibes & resentment .. yadda yadda yadda. But really we both knew what he was going to do.
The funny part of the whole conversation was his assumption that now that I had had a taste of "bdsm" I would go back to vanilla lifestyle.

"Who said I would go back to that Sir? I replied jokingly.

HAHAHAHA! The look on his face was priceless. I told him just because he had to go back to vanilla didn't mean I had to! Admittedly I said that just to be a little bit mean because of the fact that he was leaving me. (who knew what I would actually become!).

All too soon it was time.

"Come shower with me!"

d'uh okay ....

I liked showering with him ... you wash my back & I'll wash yours. There is always something so ... intimate about showering together. The only other time we did that ... he asked me if I was ever going to be comfortable enough around him to pee in front of him (it was a thing with him ... *rolls eyes*) .. I told him that I was too shy ... to which he responded

"I'm not!" and he grabbed me .. pulled me close & peed on my hip and all down my leg! To say I was shocked would have been the world's greatest understatement! But in reality it wasn't all that bad. It certainly didn't seem that way anyway.

But now here we were again .. shower for the last time. And he told me to get on my knees & "Make me hard"

"Yes Sir!"

It didn't take long ...

Now stay still, keep your eyes & your mouth closed .... ready?

And he grabbed his cock & peed ... all over my neck, my shoulders & my chest. When he was done .. he bent down, kissed me ever so sweetly .. a long lingering kiss & said "Now I have marked you .. You're mine!"  and then proceeded to wash me up.. squeaky clean.

 At the time ... I was in awe over the symbolic gesture & all  ... but really, that was just a mean thing to do to somebody you are leaving! *pouts*

And that is pretty much it. We got dressed, chatted lightly about nothing really ... giggled & kissed & hugged alot. And then it was time ... time to say good bye .. empty promises

We still haven't watched Star Wars together!

"No Sir"

Soon ...

"Yes Sir"

Then one last loooooong sweet, passionate & urgent kiss goodbye & he walked out the door!

~~~~~~
I was sad to see him go, of course I was, .. we had a pretty good thing going on ... it wasn't perfect by a long shot & it was certainly still in its infancy stages. I cried a little as I shut the door & went back upstairs. But I didn't think anything of it ... I just thought it was like any other vanilla type break up ... you get sad, you might cry a little & then you move on. Right?

Well it only took a couple of days for, what one could assume to be major subdrop to set it. The anxiety & the loneliness soon set in & ... well you know the rest of the story ... 2 weeks later lost kittie was born!

(phew! that took a long time to write ... still alot of emotion mixed in there ... happy emotions though!)

=^.^=

The SafeD Net

I haven't really talked too much about SafeD so I thought I would give a bit of an update ....

We do talk a little bit everyday at work via email. We don't really run into each other very often .. Which I think is kind of funny since our building is not that big. But we are both really busy with our respective jobs & I start my day 2 hours earlier than he does. Usually a couple of emails back & forth complaining about our jobs is usually the daily norm. (That's civil servants for ya!!)

We are becoming fast coffee buddies though and we do usually go out for coffee once a week. We talk about a lot of things. He has totally gotten me hooked on Game of Thrones! Today we met for coffee & I gave him back season 1 & he lent me season 2 *giggles*

There is not much talk on whether or not we will ever play together but I am okay with that. I do know that he has expressed an interest. Which just never seem to have enough time to actually sit down & discuss it.

Me? I am just not too sure. Not that I don't like him or anything like that because I do. It's just that he is very different than anything I have experienced before.  He is more what I would classify as a pro Dom & "into impact play". I don't really know what all that involves or what he would expect of me or what I should expect of him or if it would be a recurring thing, done at a play party (another thing I am not sure whether I want to get into or not). So many questions and we have touched on the topic lightly but ...

And as I mentioned he is happily married & has a sub as well & says that's "enough to handle" Besides I don't like to share.

But am I ready to play casually? (I have had alot of casual vanilla sex before but I am not sure if I trust my submissive me to not get emotionally involved & that's the last thing I want).. Anyway, that seems to be the million dollar question ... can I "do" casual???

So for now we appear to be content being coffee buddies.

I can live with that. :)

It Won't Be Long Now.