Selfies!
No this is not about self portraits (thank Gods) ... Wait!!! This might be worse!
In all my lamenting about My Batman, I never really got into the nitty gritty of the epic adventure that was us.
Because of the nature of our relationship, which was 100% thru email ... No chat, no skype, no nothing - just email (what can I say? It just worked for us), we had to rely a lot on our imagination.
Anyway, I has never done the LDR before. I had always thought I couldn't do it because it would be too weird.... I was wrong. Right from that very first command:
"I think I want you to take a stocking from your drawer and gag yourself with it...next I want you to strip naked...then you may put any boots on of your choice...once you do that take a hairbrush and give yourself 30 strokes on your ass...I want you to count each one as you give them..I want you to hear your gagged voice. Once you have finished...lie in bed...keep the gag on...you may play with your pussy. I will be back in 20 minutes...You may ungag yourself once I contact you again."
O.O *blink blink*
... It was very real to me (us). It was as if He was right there with me and throughout our time together, thru daily tasks and rituals, commands, reports, punishments, non-play time, and just being us, I (we) learned to be very specific in describing experiences, feelings, sensations etc. You kind of have to learn, when words are all you've got. But it was very real .. More real than the words written on a computer screen.
I must say though it is VERY difficult to ask for permission to cum, when you are soooo ready & you have to try to type it out on your iPhone & then wait for the response via email - especially when the answer is "Beg for it, pet!" *GROANS*
The typos & autocorrect had a healthy role in those particular moments too ... Right Mommy?!?!? *giggles*
If there was anything lacking, it would have to be aftercare. Not that it wasn't there & it wasn't good because that is not the case at all. But after one particularly difficult "session" that had me using my safe word (it was meant to push me past my boundaries & it did) and left me in tears & very vulnerable, I NEEDED Him to be physically there. I wanted nothing more in those moments to curl up & let Him completely engulf me. He knew this though & we made do the best we could.
Oops!
There was a whole point to this post!!!
The point being that thru my time with My Batman, I learned the art of the selfie ... Ok I totally made that word my own! But I like it so :P
~~~~
gk's new definition of the selfie:
Masturbation, self-bondage, self-beating, self-nipple torture, self-gagging ... Get the picture? - no figging though! If He wanted that particular gem, I told Him, He would have to come here & do it Himself!! ;)
~~~~
Sure, My Batman, may have directed me to put toothpaste on my clit & have me use my wand until I would beg to have a firery orgasm .. Ultimately it was me doing it to me. Yes it does take a leap of faith (on both sides) because really how easy would it be to fake or simulate doing what you are directed to do? It was my conscious decision to submit to Him every time. To snap elastic against my skin, to crawl on my hands & feet over to my water dish for a drink of water before bed. To sleep with ankles cuffed & chained together - *giggles* klutzy only ever tripped out of bed once - YAY me!
I grew from each selfie experience. And it was so difficult (near impossible) in the beginning to even just flat out masterbate once My Batman was gone. Selfies were so connected to Him, that I couldn't even bring myself to touch myself, in for what seemed like forever. When I finally FORCED myself to masterbate - oh how I cried! But I did it & I slowly regained possession of my selfies.
Oh my goodness!
Another long post. It was not my intention to make this post into this ... It just kinda took on a mind of it's own ... *giggles* apparently it needed to be said.
My post was supposed to be about the selfie I had last night. I played for the first time last night .. I mean played! Nipple clamps, hair brush, vibrator, wand etc etc. another first without My Batman.
.... And it was good!
so glad last night was good for you...it is just another sign that though you miss Batman, you, as a person, had such growth from that relationship.
ReplyDelete"Yes it does take a leap of faith (on both sides) because really how easy would it be to fake or simulate doing what you are directed to do? It was my conscious decision to submit to Him every time" ..... so spot on! i'm asked all the time "can't you just fake out, he'll never know." that is true, but I'll know! if I lie it defeats the purpose of our relationship and what I want from it.
GK, great post, and thank you for sharing. ((hugs))
Thanks HS. I think you are right and it's just taken me longer to realize the growth.
DeleteIt has changed me. I am stronger now, more RELENTLESS. Better. Definately more confident in who & what I am. I can't say that the demons have been slain but they have definitely taken one hell of a beating! ;)
Bravo for your "selfie"! Being that Master is away for such a god awful period of time, i spend an exorbinate amount of time masturbating, training, punishing, and humilating myself on my own. i completely understand following instructions via email or message, having to ask for permission to cum this way, then waiting for for permission as well. i do have to say that as i record all my session for Him to view later, that it has helped some of my body image issues (some, not all).
ReplyDeleteYou are completely right about the trust too. TTWD isn't about being submissive when i'm in front of Him on my knees. It wouldn't be honest of me to fake it just because He's not home.
I have a hard enough time typing on my iPhone as it is ... without being utterly .. "distracted" . I am glad My Batman never really picked up on that because I know He would have taken GREAT PLEASURE out of exploiting that fact to His great amusement!!! ;)
DeleteWow ... recording your sessions huh? I never had to do that. I found writing detailed reports (for my daily tasks at work), were hard enough, but to tape!!! *BLUSHES* .... I did like to get creative though & I (on my own accord) use to take "suggestive" pictures, not actually showing "things" but showing things all the same. Like lying on the bed legs apart but ankles together as to show cuffs & chain ... with bottom of inserted vibrator just visible in the shot. ... Yeah... He liked that stuff! ;)
You keep putting one foot in front of the other, you keep moving forward. Proud of ya. You've made great strides!!!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Awwww thanks LMSS
DeleteI am moving forward, I have no choice. Life marches on. I still know what I know (I AM NOT WRONG ABOUT THAT EITHER) & that will never change. But I can live with that.
So yeah ... Onward we go! ;) ;) ;)
I am still thinking about you 'playing ' last night...;) Yum!!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? A single subbie's gotta do what she's gotta do!! ;)
DeleteThere's a position available .... just sayin' :P :P :P :P :P
LOLOLOL...Bad Kittie...;)
DeleteWhat?!?!??? Was just sayin, that's all! *pouts*
Delete:P
Point taken...;) No need for pouts...;) I have been thinking about your solo adventures and the long list of items you had out seemed, simply, delish :)
DeleteATTENTION! ATTENTION!
ReplyDeletePlease do NOT tease the kittie ... SHE BITES!!!!!
THANK YOU & HAVE A GOOD DAY!
:P
If this were a Facebook post, I would be inclined to hit the 'like' button...;)
DeleteNow you've done it !!! Making me *ROLL MY EYES* at you!!!!!!!!!!!'
DeleteIn the words of my favorite Geekie Kittie...Meow! :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as your eye- rolling goes, I think I would prefer to se them roll into the back of your head...hahaha :)
*throws hands up in defeat* Alright! Alright! You win ... Crazier than me Man!!!
Delete:P