My Blog .. is CURSED!!!!

As soon as I write anything about somebody I am interested in or in the beginnings of something. It ends!

Like I jinx it, as soon as I commit it to  this blog .. BOOM!

It happened again ... with the Chief. It's not my fault ... he "forgot" to mention that he already had a sub. Ooops! That is understandable ... to forget such a trivial thing as another. I to had to wait 2 days for an explanation due to a pretty significant incident that the Chief had to deal with. The timing could not have been better *rolls eyes*

All I was thinking was, Oh this is fucking great .. here we go again. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was her or me. I wasn't sharing. He had to decide ... "I know, I know" And, I am not going to lie .. I wanted it to be me. I was sick of being second best ... & I was done with being not good enough.

Besides, we just sort of happened. We were meant to be friends but he couldn't help himself. Exactly, so if I am "so amazing" that you just have to go for it (unintentional or not) .. then I should be the one he chooses.

He avoided .. for 4 days, he avoided choosing. The crisis was doing his head in.

It wasn't til I was talking to FormerD the other night.- I was in less than a grand mood & poor FormerD, got the brunt of it I am afraid ... but in grand FormerD style he had me calmed down before I knew it .. he was always pretty good at handling my rages. And then this

Me: .... And thank you for ALWAYS being totally honest with me too. Very fucking rare indeed

FormerD: What do you mean little one?

Me. I can trust you to always tell me exactly as it is .. no matter what. Even now after all this time

FormerD: You deserve it
what is the reason to lie behind other things

There it was ... the one thing I was trying to brush aside .... The Chief ... forgot to mention ... omitted ... left out .. lied .. whatever you want to call it, the bottom line is that he was definitely less than honest with me, And after talking with FormerD .. the answer was clear. Why would I even want to be with somebody who lied to me??? And could I even trust him again? He did explain why he "omitted" all the facts, getting caught up in the moment & swept away in the excitement .. I understand that all too well but the bottom line is, he lied. End of story.

Once I admitted that, to myself ... and hearing FormerD say I deserve the truth ... Yup, I knew that was that. But I could feel good about it & not like I was going to end up being "not good enough: .. yet again.

And better still ... I could be the one to control this circumstance I had found myself in yet again.

So I told him .. bottom line .. you lied and that is unacceptable. And I sent him back down to the friend zone. Which, to be perfectly honest .. was probably what was going to happen anyway .. but it just felt good that it was MY DECISION and not his.

We are still friends .. I talk to him as much as I had. I still got to support him thru this crisis that was really quite bad & extremely stressful for him ... and best part I kept my head held high.

But seriously though BLOG .. enough with the curse already!!!!!!!