An Act of Desperation

One year ago today .. I was a lost kittie ... and a real fucking mess.

I was suffering from a pretty bad subdrop (of course at the time I had no idea what it was). It had been a couple of weeks since FormerD left me. When he first left .. things were fine .. just another vanilla break up right?

Each day, things grew a little darker. I would cry for no reason. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I tried to withdraw from my "social obligations" including my Star Wars stuff. When I was in a crowd, not only did I feel alone, I was almost to the point of anxiety attacks. I just wanted to run & hide. When I was home alone .. I felt so .. well alone.

I thought I was going crazy, I truly did.

So finally out of desperation, and I was feeling sooooo desperate. I wrote an email to a stranger ... who has an amazing blog. And what an email it was ... literally just poured everything out in that one email. Nice thing to dump on a perfect stranger!!!

And then I waited .. convinced that he would not email me back (he would have much better things to do than listen to a raving lunatic) .. terrified that he would

I did not have to wait long for his response. I was even afraid to open the email. So silly that!

What I read ... it made me cry even more. Not because he was mean or anything.

No.

This stranger .. this man .. this Dom .. validated me. Everything I was feeling, everything that I have become ... was all "normal". And he took the time to explain so much to me ... that once your mind has been opened it's very hard to close .. etc

In short this Dom became my hero .. still is to this day.

And I told him so this morning in a personal email .. thanking him for being there to help this "lost kittie" ...

I will be eternally grateful for Him & His guidance, for if it wasn't for Him, I would not be where I am today.

FormerD made have "created me" but it was this Mentor (so to speak) that showed me the way forward and that I didn't have to be afraid.

So again .. thank YOU Sir .. Your patience, help & guidance means more to me than You will ever know.
:D

(btw yes Light Sabers are still hard limits!) ;)