Wolf Speak

On Friday, my new collar came in ... my "real" collar (as opposed to my temporary one). I was so excited to get it & couldn't hardly wait til I got home so I could put it on. (still on the hunt for the perfect day-collar, btw)

My Wolf did not have another "ceremony" for this new collar but he did write this (for all of  the tumblrvse to see). He allows me to share it here:

The Collar

A symbol of the submission that YOU give to me. Seems such a simple thing at first glance, but in reality so much more to us both. A sign for all to know that you belong to me, pet. Truth, but still so much more. It's a Mark, little one, a mark of mine that you carry proudly. It's also a Mark on my soul. When you willingly submitted and chose my Dominance and collar, you bound me to you in so many ways - as a caregiver, as a teacher, as a nurture and provider, as your disciplinarian and lover, as the person responsible for guiding our relationship. The pride you feel in wearing that collar is matched by my own pride in knowing you chose me to be worthy of your gift of submission. I, who could never stand the thought of wearing, have been collared by you my kitten.

*swoon*

 I have never had any write such beautiful things to me (this ISN'T the first one!). It is true, I do wear His collar proudly. And everything he writes to the truth. He has become my protector -  sometimes he having to protect me from myself.

In my Wolf, I found everything I have been looking for, since I began my journey down the rabbit hole, well most of my life, if I am being completely honest.

He is all that he has written above but so much more. We just seem to click on every level. And he has fast become my rock.

It is an amazing feeling that there is somebody out there, that is there for me .. no matter what - 150% there ... FOR ME!

And the very best part .. is that he is ALL MINE .. I don't have to share him, & I don't have to fear that he will leave me for another. And that is the best feeling in the world!

I'm 1 Year Old!!!!

I am so excited to have my 1 year Blog-aversary!!!

What a year it has been! I look back thru everything & it's like "WHOA!!"

What a ride it had been!

I want to take the time to thank everybody, who has taken the time to lurk, to read, to comment!

The support I have received from this community has been invaluable. I have learned so much here in blogland, not just about the lifestyle & TTWD but about myself as well. I consider myself lucky & honoured to be amongst such amazing & remarkable people. 

And to my friends, what can I say, it has been a pleasure to get know know you. You just ROCK!!

So much has changed since this blog began! And in year 2 ... It is my blogsversary wish, that, in my BDSM/sex blog, that I will actually get to talk sex!!!!

*giggles*

(And to my wonderful Sir Wolf ... You make every day 

An Act of Desperation

One year ago today .. I was a lost kittie ... and a real fucking mess.

I was suffering from a pretty bad subdrop (of course at the time I had no idea what it was). It had been a couple of weeks since FormerD left me. When he first left .. things were fine .. just another vanilla break up right?

Each day, things grew a little darker. I would cry for no reason. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I tried to withdraw from my "social obligations" including my Star Wars stuff. When I was in a crowd, not only did I feel alone, I was almost to the point of anxiety attacks. I just wanted to run & hide. When I was home alone .. I felt so .. well alone.

I thought I was going crazy, I truly did.

So finally out of desperation, and I was feeling sooooo desperate. I wrote an email to a stranger ... who has an amazing blog. And what an email it was ... literally just poured everything out in that one email. Nice thing to dump on a perfect stranger!!!

And then I waited .. convinced that he would not email me back (he would have much better things to do than listen to a raving lunatic) .. terrified that he would

I did not have to wait long for his response. I was even afraid to open the email. So silly that!

What I read ... it made me cry even more. Not because he was mean or anything.

No.

This stranger .. this man .. this Dom .. validated me. Everything I was feeling, everything that I have become ... was all "normal". And he took the time to explain so much to me ... that once your mind has been opened it's very hard to close .. etc

In short this Dom became my hero .. still is to this day.

And I told him so this morning in a personal email .. thanking him for being there to help this "lost kittie" ...

I will be eternally grateful for Him & His guidance, for if it wasn't for Him, I would not be where I am today.

FormerD made have "created me" but it was this Mentor (so to speak) that showed me the way forward and that I didn't have to be afraid.

So again .. thank YOU Sir .. Your patience, help & guidance means more to me than You will ever know.
:D

(btw yes Light Sabers are still hard limits!) ;)

Well, Colour me Collared!

Sneaks a peak to make sure the coast is clear of all curses ....

Well it's been 4 days since I wrote about my Wolf and still no curse ... oooh .. maybe the curse has been broken???

It's been a whirlwind of a week for us. So much is happening. His work is keeping us both guessing .. things change rapidly within his work schedule ... sometimes it leaves me dizzy! But hopefully that can't last forever ... or maybe it is the nature of the beast. I don't know.

And as for us ... we are going strong. Learning more of each other everyday .. and liking more & more each day as well. The whole "rushing" thing is there but the fact that we can talk it out, really does not make it seem all that important of a "thing" . It is what it is & that fits us both perfectly.

I am now his collared kittie ... and very proud to be so.

Wolf has never collared anybody before and it was important to Him to make it special. This was also new & special for me as well. I have worn my collar for both my former Doms before, but it was just that My Collar .. one I had had back from my "goth" days.

But the fact that my Wolf wants me to wear HIS collar???

*swoons*

We ordered a collar that we both liked (from my local shop) but it is going to take a whole week to get here (hopefully by this Friday)

But this was not soon enough for Sir Wolf. 

Nope .. I had to go to the shop & pick out one for immediate use. There really wasn't alot that caught my eye but we finally did find one that would suit us both until my permanent collar arrives .... 

I like the spikes but they do come off if need be! 

I was very excited to get home & try it on but Wolf wanted to do things right. I could try it on but only for a minute. He waited until with Skyped that evening. He wrote the most beautiful speech & read it to me. And with that I donned my collar & became his happy collared baby girl. I count myself both blessed and lucky

to be his.

We are currently looking for a day collar so that I have something to wear all the time. It has been a little bit harder to find. I prefer something for my wrist because I am not really a "necklace" kinda gal and I like simple and small. 

If anybody has any suggestions on where to look ..  any assistance would be greatly accepted. 

Out of the Ashes .... rose a Wolf

As yet another attempt at another doomed D/s came to a close .. arose MyWolf ... and of course, when I least expected.

We are trying not to rush, although it is very hard not to .. we talk about it though .. wanting to do things "right" and we are getting to know one another. Both wanting more .. trying to be patient.

We talk and we play and tonight we even skyped for 2 hours (no video feed though ... yet) ..first time for me!

He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he says the most wonderful things and I know I can believe him.

Right, we are trying to go slow ... but we are having fun.

And I am even getting a brand new collar ... HIS collar. *swoons*

~~~~~ And btw blog curse ...

fuck this up & this WILL be you! 

My Blog .. is CURSED!!!!

As soon as I write anything about somebody I am interested in or in the beginnings of something. It ends!

Like I jinx it, as soon as I commit it to  this blog .. BOOM!

It happened again ... with the Chief. It's not my fault ... he "forgot" to mention that he already had a sub. Ooops! That is understandable ... to forget such a trivial thing as another. I to had to wait 2 days for an explanation due to a pretty significant incident that the Chief had to deal with. The timing could not have been better *rolls eyes*

All I was thinking was, Oh this is fucking great .. here we go again. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was her or me. I wasn't sharing. He had to decide ... "I know, I know" And, I am not going to lie .. I wanted it to be me. I was sick of being second best ... & I was done with being not good enough.

Besides, we just sort of happened. We were meant to be friends but he couldn't help himself. Exactly, so if I am "so amazing" that you just have to go for it (unintentional or not) .. then I should be the one he chooses.

He avoided .. for 4 days, he avoided choosing. The crisis was doing his head in.

It wasn't til I was talking to FormerD the other night.- I was in less than a grand mood & poor FormerD, got the brunt of it I am afraid ... but in grand FormerD style he had me calmed down before I knew it .. he was always pretty good at handling my rages. And then this

Me: .... And thank you for ALWAYS being totally honest with me too. Very fucking rare indeed

FormerD: What do you mean little one?

Me. I can trust you to always tell me exactly as it is .. no matter what. Even now after all this time

FormerD: You deserve it
what is the reason to lie behind other things

There it was ... the one thing I was trying to brush aside .... The Chief ... forgot to mention ... omitted ... left out .. lied .. whatever you want to call it, the bottom line is that he was definitely less than honest with me, And after talking with FormerD .. the answer was clear. Why would I even want to be with somebody who lied to me??? And could I even trust him again? He did explain why he "omitted" all the facts, getting caught up in the moment & swept away in the excitement .. I understand that all too well but the bottom line is, he lied. End of story.

Once I admitted that, to myself ... and hearing FormerD say I deserve the truth ... Yup, I knew that was that. But I could feel good about it & not like I was going to end up being "not good enough: .. yet again.

And better still ... I could be the one to control this circumstance I had found myself in yet again.

So I told him .. bottom line .. you lied and that is unacceptable. And I sent him back down to the friend zone. Which, to be perfectly honest .. was probably what was going to happen anyway .. but it just felt good that it was MY DECISION and not his.

We are still friends .. I talk to him as much as I had. I still got to support him thru this crisis that was really quite bad & extremely stressful for him ... and best part I kept my head held high.

But seriously though BLOG .. enough with the curse already!!!!!!!

Polar Opposites Anniversary!

his slut & I share this date.

Today is her DomDay ... the first anniversary of the beginning of her D/s  and today is my one year anniversary since ...

The Last Kiss

Yup .. one year ago today marked the end of my D/s with FormerD. The end of my first foray down the rabbit hole.

I was actually talking with FormerD last night. I wished him a very HAPPY LAST TIME WE FUCKED OUR BRAINS OUT ANNIVERSARY!

*giggles* I could almost see the expression on his face .. that look of bewilderment ... I think I am quite
possibly the strangest person he has ever met!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Anyway, he said he likes my blog!! Although he has only read a very little bit (probably only the Last Kiss post cuz I sent him the link quite a while ago) ... I told him he should comment as anon.

He is like the hero of this blog ... he created me. I would not be "here" if it weren't for him. Literally!!!!

(He won't ever comment though because "I am much too private a person for that" - yeah yeah .. it would be fun if he did though)

So happy DomDay to you HS and no I am definately NOT sad about my anniversary because as my very first post says it's the anniversary "Beginning from the End"

Just a really good read.

The Chief found this article yesterday ... I think it's worth sharing. 

For all those, that didn't know & are curious (I know I learned quite a bit) ..... 

being her Daddy-being his little girl

The Promise of a New Dawn

FINALLY!

 THANK THE MAKER!!!

We are out of that seemingly never ending deep freeze. The thaw has started & spring is in the air! (Not to mention that the skunks are awake! O.O)

It is time to wake up ... Shake away the cobwebs & start enjoying life again.

With spring brings the promise of new life and renewal. I totally embrace this ... I NEED IT.

A time to shed the old and embrace new adventures ... new possibilities.

It's time to have some fun ... Long overdue fun. And I intend to do exactly that!.

IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME TOO!!!!!!! 

And I am off to a good start. An "new season" of trooping, new costumes & cons is well underway.

AND ...

I have met someone!

SQUEEE!!!!!!

Ok, I am not going to say too much .. It's still early days. But the Chief is fairly AMAZING!

He is a Daddy/Dominant which is something completely new & different.
I am NOT a little in the "standard" definition of what a little would be. Nor would I ever want to be.
But fuck it - I hate labels anyway.

We are on a path of discovery ... discovering each other, things in common, likes and dislikes, wants and desires, hopes and fears, futures and pasts. All the shiny new stuff, that always makes you want to dive right in, run head first, to taste and experience everything all at once and as fast as humanly possible.

Thank goodness, the Chief is way more level headed than moi! He will keep a firm grasp on my leash to be sure

And we are discovering things within ourselves, that maybe were just waiting for the right time or the right person to bring to light or just maybe trying something new on for size?

Or as the Chief told me this afternoon "We may find that we both are filling each others needs already"

I dunno .. maybe but ..

"We are telling the story of us" ... it's growing and it's evolving, changing direction, slowing down, speeding up, playful, serious, sensual, or rough. We are both very open minded and are happy to follow whichever direction the wind blows.

.... the possibilities are endless!!!!

 

One last thing. That post .. the question about the Fantasy Spanker that joeyred asked??? I said that I had 3 "fantasy Doms" that I thought of as perfect examples of what great Doms should be (in my opinion). Well, anyway, when I wrote that I never EVER would have imagined, that ONE OF THEM would actually choose ME!!!!!    O.O