True North Strong and FREE!

Phew what a day! What a week! And it's only Wednesday.

It was a long day. As I stated, we were in lockdown for most of it. I was the last to leave just around 5pm. Taking the bus home thru the downtown core .. just 2 streets down from where all the "action" is. Sooooo many cop cars & emergency vehicles. I drove by the Memorial where this beautiful young man was brutally shot 4 times in the chest at point blank change. It was completely encircled by RCMP vehicles.

Cpl. Nathan Frank Cirillo

24 years old and a new father

My bus also took me by the National Defence Headquarters (or as I like to call it Disneyworld on the Rideau) ... no less than 8 armed military police officers standing guard at that one entrance. I know that they were at every entrance. Like there are now more than likely armed guards at every entrance to every military base we have .. here & abroad.

I feel so helpless. I work for the military. I am the military. I have been military since I was 16 years old. It is in my blood. My blood is boiling. I want nothing more than to grab my uniform, get a weapon & hunt down all these new fangled "radicalized" citizens. Teach them what being Canadian is really all about.

It is my job, it is my duty ... to protect this country. Just because I got sick & I "retired" ... that doesn't go away. It's ingrained in me .. it's what I lived most of my life for. 

But no I sat in my office, locked down, safe and helpless. 

(hmmmm it's too bad that whoever made that  gif of the flag didn't know how to spell cuz in Canada we HONOUR our soldiers not honor them) *sighs* 

I know I am ranting .... I am exhausted. 

I am very grateful though .. for my family & my friends who checked in on me and who worried about me. But I am especially grateful for my Wolf. He is my very protective Daddy & I am soooooo lucky to have Him in my life. To worry about me, to protect me ... to love me. I would still be lost without him. 

Bring It Motherfuckers!

I am mad now. It's hour 6 of our lockdown. The shock is over, the adrenaline rush has crashed away & I  am contemplating going home now. The lockdown is still in effect. They are still looking for suspects. I am sitting at my desk, in my Bldg ... Working for the Department of National Defence. Been sitting here all day ... Not getting any work done, stuck in my building as the events unfold a mere 2 blocks away from me. 

This  is the second soldier that has been killed by some wannabe terrorist fucktards! On Mobday a converted Islamic follower of Isis lay in wait for that target of opportunity & when he saw it he took it ... Ran over 2 Canadian soliders in a parking lot & took off. He was shot & killed ... Good fucking riddance.

One of the soldiers died

And then today ... Out of the blue, a solider who had the honour of standing guard over our War Memorial and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was shot ... In the chest ... At point blank range. By a mother fucking coward. 

He did not survive.

And the day unfolded from there ... Bedlam, lots of conflicting reports ... 1 shooter, 2 shooters 3 shooters ... More. 

We have been lucking ... 5 victims ... Including one dead soldier ... 1 dead suspect.  And still we don't know. The whole downtown corridor is on high alert ... No way to know if it's over, no way to know how many we are looking for. 

And I fear it is just the beginning .....

as promised .... BUTT PLUG OF THE MONTH CLUB!

When Sir Wolf & I really started to get "into each" other, we maybe went into a kind of a frenzy of sorts. Lots of toys & lingerie and (my favourite) boots were bought! Thankfully we have slowed down a bit.

Anyway, I got to joking around with a friend about having butt plugs & she agreed .. we started comparing notes etc etc  .. & I sort of said something along the lines of "geez, I feel like I have been enrolled in the butt plug of the month club" .. thus the joke was born.

It all started with one. The little purple fella up there (pic). The one that was bought so long ago & never used. Sir Wolf changed that rather quickly and I found myself back in the world of ... anal exploration (???). Previously I had been a born again anal virgin. I had dabbled when I was younger but illness just sort of took THAT away. I literally did not have anything to do with anal for about 8-10 years .. it just wasn't worth it.

Well, Sir Wolf was having none of that! And quite frankly neither was I .. I believe I actually pushed him a bit to open that "door" again. FINALLY.  (note: I can't do anal all the time but when I can .. I am, shall we say ... all in!)

Next came the vibrating plug ... the black one with the bullet sticking out. It is not the original bullet as that requires watch batteries ... nothing I hate worse that having to buy watch batteries. So I improvised. I like this turbo charged fella, although I hate black toys .. they are very cold & industrial to me, and it is the biggest of the "collection" ... then came the princess plug. We MUST have a princess plug. I actually have 2 ... the other is in Texas with Sir Wolf .. I have yet to see it but he says it is HUGE! O.o

I should also mention there is another at Sir Wolf's - a small, black one. I can't even say I remember seeing it but I do remember feeling it! ;)

And lastly we come to my newest & most favourite. My kittie tail. Surprising comfortable but I have yet to learn how to walk without tripping over it & yanking it out in the process!!! Hmmmm, maybe 4 feet is a tad bit too long! :D

So there you go ... 6 butt plugs ... and on 15 October we will be celebrating 6 months! OMG!!!6 months already!!! Time really does fly!!!

.,,,, now about that boot of the month club .........................  ;)

Not All Doom & Gloom ..

In 2 days I am leaving for Texas!!!!

YAAAAY!

This weekend is my Thanksgiving long weekend (we only get 3 days in Canada) ... I am making it an extended 6 day weekend.

I haven't seen Sir Wolf since the end of June.

It's time for some bonding, cuddles, spanks, and conjugal visits!

Quality time. ;)

And after the summer I have had (we both have had really) ... I need this ... he needs this.
(I only hope that my health issues don't fuck things up) 

When Your Body Betrays You

(and not in a good way).

The summer was hard on me. Well this is actually been a pretty hard year for me, health wise.

It seems like every day now, I have to fight with myself, just to get up & go to work. I think if I could I would just sleep my life away at this point. Yeah it's sucky.

I am not really sure what is wrong. My fibro has been a bitch.

Food & I are not friends anymore. I hate it, in fact. I usually have to force myself to eat, and then half the time, I am in agony afterwards.

I went to the Dr. a couple of weeks ago. He has me on monthly B12 shots and I have had to get extra blood work done because he was not happy with my thyroid. I am also waiting for a referral to go see a gastro specialist. And my rhuemotologist.

Fun times.

Really great times within the D/s realm too.

But this post isn't meant to be about my whining (honestly)

Through it all, I have been so grateful & lucky that my Wolf has been so patient & understanding.

The thing with being sick all the time is that it really gets into your head. The ultimate mind fuck? You stop feeling sexy, womanly, hot, submissive or whatever and more and more you just feel like an it. It is very easy to slip into depression.

But through it all my Wolf has been there. Learning & dealing. He has been amazing & I don't know how I ever got so lucky. Believe me, it's not easy to find anybody who is willing to try to understand what you are going thru let alone, help you thru it.

Poor guy got alot more than He bargained for when He gave me his collar *sighs*. He says He is NOT patient but ... well he is wayyyyyy more patient than I could ever be. He has kept the depression at bay & makes sure that I eat, sleep, get up in the morning (He even had to call me from Texas several times yesterday to wake me up). He never lets the pity party get out of hand.

And most importantly, He is just always there! No matter what. Even when I think that He would be so much better off without me. He is always there!

And for that I am the luckiest woman alive!

I love You Daddy! You ARE my awesome sauce!!!!!

Still Waiting for Summer!

WTF do you mean it is the 2nd of September?!?!?!  How the hell did THAT happen?

As always summer goes by in a flash. Why can't it be the opposite .. winter comes & goes & summer "drags out"?

*sighs*

I have spent most of my summer going back & forth to the cottage, every other weekend & the weekends I spend at home .. I seemed to have slept thru.

There was no big Fan Expo comic con at the end of summer for me this year. They had it on Labour Day Weekend & that is definitely COTTAGE WEEKEND .. not even Star Wars can outshine that.

I have been very negligent with my blog .. certainly not my intention at all. In fact .. I have lots of "in the works" in my drafts.  ... such titillating titles as:

butt plug of the month club
dirty little secret
living online
the fine art of reflection

I need to learn to manage my time better but I am working on it slowly ....

I WILL BE BACK! 

A Happy Schmoopey Kittie

I have been given a task today:

"I want you to put what you are feeling right now, today ... put into words"

I have been given the choice to either blog it or email. I figure since I have subjected you all, to months of maudlin, whiny stuff that, I figured this would be a nice change of pace ....

Things have been going so well for us. We have been together for roughly 4 months now ... WOW! .. four months ... it seems like yesterday and forever, all at the same time.

We kik all day long & we skype almost every night. We don't always play & I am not always given tasks. Alot of times we just talk .. about what is going on in the moment, the future, the past, whatever. Like two "normal" human beings! O.O

Today is a heavy task day ... not heavy stuff but tasks\at regular intervals\throughout the day .. with pictures *wink wink*

It has made me reflective ... about my submission. I try to be submissive every day but really I don't know that I THINK about it every day.

Today, I am thinking about what it means to me ... being His submissive, it is what I am to write about.

I am happy .. I am schmooepey*.

Every day, we grow closer ... as a couple. And we grow closer as a Dom & sub.

I want to make Him happy .. I want to make Him proud, even if it means doing things that I am not necessarily too keen on doing. It's about pleasing Him and that makes me happy.

I am very attuned to my submissive self right now. I couldn't be happier. It almost feels like being enveloped in a warm blanket .. I feel cozy, warm & safe. And more contented and happy than I could have ever imagined.

I am loved and I love in return.

There are no outside forces pulling either of us apart (distance & time are but minor nuisances).

We are very protective of each other ... He makes sure that I am taking care of myself. He lets me be "bossy" when it comes to Him taking care of Himself as well.

I inspire Him and He plays with me.

The fact that we can talk about everything & anything is amazing too. There is such freedom in knowing that the person you are with, wants to know what you have to say ... wants to know how you are feeling .. even if it is not so good. And we are really developing excellent communication skills when misunderstandings happen .. and let face it, they will happen. But we nip in it the bud pretty quickly & move on.

I feel so free right now ... like there is nothing I can't do or I can't say. It's so amazing. I don't have to hide. There is no shame. I am me!

And the best part is that He is just as much mine as I am His ... And He makes sure I know it, every hour of every day. That is the best feeling in the world. Knowing without a shadow of a doubt that He is not going anywhere.

So I am, right now, feeling FULL ... full of Love, of submissiveness, pride, faith, joy, contentment, anticipation, wonder, awe, & schmoopiness. I am fair to burstin' !!!!

(not to mention very aroused & excitable as I have been edging every 2 hours too!!!)

We are learning and growing ... together. And there is no greater feeling in the world. 

(PS .. I am VERY schmoopey right now! *giggles*) 

****Schmoopey is a word I stole from my bestie .. it pretty much means all the lovey dovey romantical stuff., all rolled up into a single word. Sir Wolf likes it too *winks*