(and not in a good way).
The summer was hard on me. Well this is actually been a pretty hard year for me, health wise.
It seems like every day now, I have to fight with myself, just to get up & go to work. I think if I could I would just sleep my life away at this point. Yeah it's sucky.
I am not really sure what is wrong. My fibro has been a bitch.
Food & I are not friends anymore. I hate it, in fact. I usually have to force myself to eat, and then half the time, I am in agony afterwards.
I went to the Dr. a couple of weeks ago. He has me on monthly B12 shots and I have had to get extra blood work done because he was not happy with my thyroid. I am also waiting for a referral to go see a gastro specialist. And my rhuemotologist.
Fun times.
Really great times within the D/s realm too.
But this post isn't meant to be about my whining (honestly)
Through it all, I have been so grateful & lucky that my Wolf has been so patient & understanding.
The thing with being sick all the time is that it really gets into your head. The ultimate mind fuck? You stop feeling sexy, womanly, hot, submissive or whatever and more and more you just feel like an it. It is very easy to slip into depression.
But through it all my Wolf has been there. Learning & dealing. He has been amazing & I don't know how I ever got so lucky. Believe me, it's not easy to find anybody who is willing to try to understand what you are going thru let alone, help you thru it.
Poor guy got alot more than He bargained for when He gave me his collar *sighs*. He says He is NOT patient but ... well he is wayyyyyy more patient than I could ever be. He has kept the depression at bay & makes sure that I eat, sleep, get up in the morning (He even had to call me from Texas several times yesterday to wake me up). He never lets the pity party get out of hand.
And most importantly, He is just always there! No matter what. Even when I think that He would be so much better off without me. He is always there!
And for that I am the luckiest woman alive!
I love You Daddy! You ARE my awesome sauce!!!!!
This post makes me happy and sad! I'm so glad Wolf is there to help you. That makes me happy. I'm sad by ask the health issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it is taking in you.
ReplyDeleteI understand. My body is just not wanting to accept anything with this damn plug and I'm about ready to call a spade a spade and say I'm done. I can't give Him what He wants or needs.
Wolf loves you. He cares about you. He wants the best for you. Let Him take care of you. The rest will work itself out.
(I can't believe I forgot to respond to this) ... the health issues are so annoying. I am tired of just working & sleeping .. of expending my energy at work and never having anything left for anything else. But it is what it is .. I just have to roll with it.
DeleteYay, you're posting!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the health issues. August is always a killer for me. Humidity and inflammation don't get along. Hopefully the gastro doctor can help give you an idea of what is up.
On the other side, I'm super happy that Wolf is treating you well and being there for you. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, regardless of what your mind may be telling you.
thanks Darlin' .. it has definately been a rough few months. I can only learn how to deal with it. It's definately been a new phase in my illness. I am very fortunate that my Wolf is so understanding & patient because I am sure he didn't sign up for this when we met. But he IS amazing. ;)
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