We now interrupt this life ....

This just sucks.

Before I met my erstwhile Dom, my life was pretty damned good.

I was social very active, belonged to a group that I love (we do lots of charity work for children), I was self confident and happy.

Now, I just can't seem to get it together. I am so busy in my so-called life .. so much coming up & so much to get ready for. Yet I feel like I am frozen in time. I am stuck. I haven't gotten a thing accomplished in a month. I have not gone out socially, I have cancelled many work projects and scheduled appearances. My friends are all wondering where I am, ... I haven't even posted on facebook *gasp* in like 3 days (some sort of record I swear!)

It's like my "give a fuck factor" is gone. I have lost my mojo.

I have tried not to be like this, tried going out, doing my normal things but I just don't want to be there.

I think maybe because nobody knows what I have gone thru .. what I am becoming (embrassing the real me?)? I have only told one of my friends about my foray in the world of D/s. But of course she doesn't understand. And although she is somewhat sympathetic to my plight, she has no idea why I am so depressed .. how can she when I barely understand myself?

I feel so empty. I can't even honestly say that it's my Dom that I miss or if it's the dynamic of the D/s relationship. I just don't know.

I have been trying though. I am looking into things. Reading lots of blogs (which I find much more honest & reliable to learn from then other places on the Internet), looking into the local community and I have even joined Fetlife.

It is all very daunting though .. trying to move forward. I am basically a very shy person & the thought of going out there, on my own ... to a munch or even just contacting somebody online, TERRIFIES me  to no end! I can't even seem to make an interesting profile for fetlife.

I know this won't last forever .. this uncertainty & fear. Blogging is helping. But HOLY FUCK .. I would like to get on with my life please!!!!

... end of rant!