I have not felt like writing in such a very long time .. I didn't really have anything to write about.
Life was good. I had my Wolf & we were very happy .. not really D/s but really happy. Or so I thought ....
Early in Sept ... I was tossed out like yesterday's trash. Literally just like that.
September was the worse time in my life ... one catastrophic event after another. There were times I didn't think I would survive .. there were other times, when I didn't want to.
But I did ... thankfully, I have a great support network with my friends. They were not going to let me go down. And slowly I started getting back to the things I love (Star Wars SAVED me again).
Enough of that bullshit though. He did break me ... I will never be the same again but I am a survivor.
I have survived & I am out for fun! Fuck all that other shit. I am sick of letting myself get hurt ...
But that being said ... weird things have happened.
As the title suggests ... Everything old IS new again .....
In these past 3 years (GADS! It's been 3 years?!?!?!?!?!?!) since I stumbled down the rabbit hole .. there are only 2 men I have truly considered my Dom(s) ... that's right FormerD and myBatman.
I only recently, this past May, made my peace with myBatman. It's kind of funny looking back though ... we have had very infrequent but nonetheless, did have communications with each other. I remember during the whole lockdown/terror attack in my city, He emailed me ... worried that I was in peril. I did thank Him but in the end told Him to leave me alone. I know .. what a bitch ... seriously.
And FormerD .. we check in with each other occasionally. The last being last April when He just happened to be online at the same time as me. There has never been any ill will between us. About a year after He went back to His wife, I sent him a big email .. thanking Him for "introducing" me to the lifestyle & I told him all about my trials & tribulations after He was out of the picture.
In my delirium of September, I was at my cottage alone when I emailed formerD .. it went something like this ....
"I am free .... if You are still interested"
I am kinda dumb like that in my grief. (Did I mention my Grandmother died exactly one week AFTER I got so ungraciously dumped? ... like I said, HORRIBLE time in my life).
I really could have used a good session with FormerD! He sent a quick email about a week later ... "not a good time but maybe soon" .. typical.
I digress .... suffice it to say I have had communications with both of them in the past.
In early, December I was Facebooking (at work as usual), when I read something that struck me as really funny & immediately made me think of myBatman ... so as joke & it had been a while ... I sent him the link.
Much to my surprise, we are still talking today .... lots of talking, lots of horrible teasing (from both of us) ... the occasional Domming of the kittie as well. But His life is the same, & He does not that to change. I can't fault Him for that. But it is sooooooo good to have Him back in my life, in any capacity. I would be hard pressed to lose that friendship again! It's worth fighting for.
A couple of weeks ago (I don't know WTF was going on) .. in the space of 3 days I got 6 new messages on Fetlife. I have been pretty much inactive on Fet for the past couple of years. It's not really my thing .. at least when it comes to the locals & their scene. It felt like I was getting punked or something. I couldn't understand. Of course, all the while I was telling myBatman all about it & how odd it was that it was happening now ... He was laughing at me & saying that He would need to take a number just to be able to talk to me. Ha! Unlikely.
In the midst of this ... who decides to pop in for a chat (online of course) ... FormerD!!!
HOLY HANNA!
Geekie had hit the jackpot! Her two most favouritest Doms & 6 "spares" all at the same time.
Wooo Hooo .. the Ego has landed. ha ha ha
... seriously though, it was so nice to have all that attention heaped on me all at once, for a change.
And fuck it .. I DESERVED IT!
I was honest too (at least with my 2 Doms) .... telling Batman about FormerD & vice versa. Poor Batman must have gotten bit by abit of jealously though cuz almost immediately He went all Dom on me. That lasted for over a week & then He got slamed with work & then went away for the long weekend. But it's a new week & we are golden.
FormerD ... well, He does talk the talk but unfortunately His biggest obstacle in time .. He never has any! And I have had the added stipulation that my house is off limits for the unforeseeable future (another issue from the dreaded month of September) ... So if He wants to get together He has to give me about 24 hours notice so I can book a hotel etc. So yeah .. some day .. maybe. But whatever!
As for the 6 strangers from Fetlife ... 3 I actually messaged back. One is a definite no .. I am just sorta, playing along with his little game, but not interested. One I haven't heard from in about 4 days ... he is a little bit too much like myBatman (He agrees too) and the third .. well we are working on setting up a coffee date in the near future. *shrug* he seems like an ok dude. But I have no expectations & really .. he would have to be pretty amazing to make me want to go down that road again.
At least with FormerD & myBatman ... they know me & I know them. I trust them. I don't know .. it's established (I don't know how else to describe it)
And I won't allow either of them to hurt me. (not that they would intend to, I know)
Now if only I could roll them both in to one person made especially for me ..... *sighs*
