A Long Way to Go

I have been giving  a task today ..... well tasks I guess.

And the first thoughts out of my lazy brain?

...... I don't feel like it.

What? Really?

But I complied..

And I am doing it but ... my mind *sighs*

He kinda called me on it and asked .... "am I irritating you/"

"Am I irritating you?" hmmmm ... good question.

No, He is not ... but I am irritating me.

Well I am not mad or resentful or anything like that. I am just being lazy

And it really has gotten me to thinking about my submission.

Not that I don't want it because I do .. I absolutely do. And I want to be the best sub I can possibly be for him (no, I know that nobody is perfect & there are always going to be "those" days)

But I need to school my mind.

To always try to be more pleasing ... to be more submissive.\Not just during play but all the time.

And I realized just how far I still have to go.
(but I will always keep going ,,, I am perpetually a work in progress!)

Remember the Alamo ... & other things I learned in Texas!!!!

Davy Crockett fought & died at the Alamo!

Everybody died at the Alamo!!

WTF?!?!?!? I didn't know!!!

... Sorry, I'm  Canadian! ... It's NOT my history.  Fascinating but not mine.

Texas IS big & it's very beautiful. Hot ... True but unique as well. I fell in love with the River Walk in San Antonio! And I had some of the best seafood I have ever had, in Corpus Christie (mmmm freshly caught shrimp!!!)

I have also learned that I get defensive & a little bratty, when I am feeling vulnerable.

Seriously? Sticking your tongue out 3 times in one day?!?!?!?

I have learned to live in the moment more. Our time together is precious ... Whether we are playing or just enjoying each others' company. No need to waste a moment of it on pettiness or inconsequential things.

Miscommunication is bound to happen, even when you communicate so well with each other. The trick is to tackle it head on, overcome it & get back to the good stuff!! (it goes with the above point about pettiness)

I can be very bossy. When it comes to health & well being? Too right I am bossy ... Or as I like to call it ... nurturing  & caring. I can live with the bossy term though. He is learning to let me be, too (somewhat anyway).

I got rid of a lot of preconceived notions while in Texas. I try not to have expectations. I think that before Texas ... I was looking for something from Sir Wolf ... I am not sure what exactly. Maybe more spanking? Maybe more bondage? Facefucking? Doming? I really couldn't say ....

But I am not looking for whatever it was i thought to expect.

I am learning more about Him everyday.

 He will do things in His own time, in His own way& I am happy to let Him. 

Hmmm? Maybe just a little bit?

Sir Wolf is a Dom ... My Dom. He is a DaddyDom ... A nurturer & yes I call Him, Daddy (I would say I have little tendencies but would NOT consider myself a little, def no age play). He is also a Wolf ... Very primal in His needs. He loves to mark what is His ... I have worn His mark in many places & He bites hard!

If asked, He would say that He is NOT a sadist. He would tell you that He gets pleasure from spanking me because it gives me pleasure.

 But I am not so sure.

 I am not denying that His spanking doesn't turn me on ... It makes me very hot, horny & dripping! 

I just think that He is learning to embrace His inner sadist. He is quite happy with His newest toy - a $5 ping pong paddle. He says He can get a bigger impact with less effort. and He does like the rosy checks that He creates.

He has also discovered (or more likely introduced) the joys of edging into our play. Especially over kik (vs Skype or in real life).

Edge play & orgasm denial, is not something that I have a lot of experience with. And it's HARD!

Being plugged & Ben Wa balls in, and having to play with your wand on your clit for 30 mins without cumming!!!!! All the while trying to take pictures & sending them to Him, while He keeps counting the minutes down?!?!?!?

Oh no ... Not a sadist at all!

*wink wink*
(yes I realize I write this at my own peril but isn't that half the fun?!?!?!?)