OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!

... HE IS ON HIS WAY!!!!!!!!

T-5hours

*faints dead away* 

An Act of Desperation

One year ago today .. I was a lost kittie ... and a real fucking mess.

I was suffering from a pretty bad subdrop (of course at the time I had no idea what it was). It had been a couple of weeks since FormerD left me. When he first left .. things were fine .. just another vanilla break up right?

Each day, things grew a little darker. I would cry for no reason. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I tried to withdraw from my "social obligations" including my Star Wars stuff. When I was in a crowd, not only did I feel alone, I was almost to the point of anxiety attacks. I just wanted to run & hide. When I was home alone .. I felt so .. well alone.

I thought I was going crazy, I truly did.

So finally out of desperation, and I was feeling sooooo desperate. I wrote an email to a stranger ... who has an amazing blog. And what an email it was ... literally just poured everything out in that one email. Nice thing to dump on a perfect stranger!!!

And then I waited .. convinced that he would not email me back (he would have much better things to do than listen to a raving lunatic) .. terrified that he would

I did not have to wait long for his response. I was even afraid to open the email. So silly that!

What I read ... it made me cry even more. Not because he was mean or anything.

No.

This stranger .. this man .. this Dom .. validated me. Everything I was feeling, everything that I have become ... was all "normal". And he took the time to explain so much to me ... that once your mind has been opened it's very hard to close .. etc

In short this Dom became my hero .. still is to this day.

And I told him so this morning in a personal email .. thanking him for being there to help this "lost kittie" ...

I will be eternally grateful for Him & His guidance, for if it wasn't for Him, I would not be where I am today.

FormerD made have "created me" but it was this Mentor (so to speak) that showed me the way forward and that I didn't have to be afraid.

So again .. thank YOU Sir .. Your patience, help & guidance means more to me than You will ever know.
:D

(btw yes Light Sabers are still hard limits!) ;)

Out of the Ashes .... rose a Wolf

As yet another attempt at another doomed D/s came to a close .. arose MyWolf ... and of course, when I least expected.

We are trying not to rush, although it is very hard not to .. we talk about it though .. wanting to do things "right" and we are getting to know one another. Both wanting more .. trying to be patient.

We talk and we play and tonight we even skyped for 2 hours (no video feed though ... yet) ..first time for me!

He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he says the most wonderful things and I know I can believe him.

Right, we are trying to go slow ... but we are having fun.

And I am even getting a brand new collar ... HIS collar. *swoons*

~~~~~ And btw blog curse ...

fuck this up & this WILL be you! 

Polar Opposites Anniversary!

his slut & I share this date.

Today is her DomDay ... the first anniversary of the beginning of her D/s  and today is my one year anniversary since ...

The Last Kiss

Yup .. one year ago today marked the end of my D/s with FormerD. The end of my first foray down the rabbit hole.

I was actually talking with FormerD last night. I wished him a very HAPPY LAST TIME WE FUCKED OUR BRAINS OUT ANNIVERSARY!

*giggles* I could almost see the expression on his face .. that look of bewilderment ... I think I am quite
possibly the strangest person he has ever met!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Anyway, he said he likes my blog!! Although he has only read a very little bit (probably only the Last Kiss post cuz I sent him the link quite a while ago) ... I told him he should comment as anon.

He is like the hero of this blog ... he created me. I would not be "here" if it weren't for him. Literally!!!!

(He won't ever comment though because "I am much too private a person for that" - yeah yeah .. it would be fun if he did though)

So happy DomDay to you HS and no I am definately NOT sad about my anniversary because as my very first post says it's the anniversary "Beginning from the End"

Just a really good read.

The Chief found this article yesterday ... I think it's worth sharing. 

For all those, that didn't know & are curious (I know I learned quite a bit) ..... 

being her Daddy-being his little girl

It's the Little Things - An Answer for Tiklish

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but above you described how hot and sensual and different from how you ever imagined it would be it was the first time with FormerD. Can you give any more specifics in your description, or, do you have any idea if there's any video out there of it being done this hot sensual way? Because, like you said, there's porn, but if there's a better hotter more sensual way to do this, I'd love to know what it is, so I could show Master. Hee

Oh, Tiklish .. you don't know how much I love this question! I don't think it is odd at all!!! (you might even be sorry that you asked, because I will probably babble on forever)

About the details of the hot & sensual of my first time, I have it all written down in this post first night pt 1, this post: pt 2 and finally this post: pt 3

And you can read about our last night together here: the last kiss

I go into quite a bit of detail about two very significant nights that I had with FormerD. 

It was not always like that though .. sometimes time got in the way and sometimes without meaning to ... you just need a good hard fuck. 

Both FormerD and subsequently MyBatman controlled the play/sex. They were the Dom's after all .. I just held on & enjoyed the ride. I was very lucky that they were both very sexy&sexual (meaning they loved sex), albeit in vastly different ways. 

Nope to me, it's the Dom/Master's responsibility for the physical acts. To me, I liked to create the little things. 

Before our first night together FormerD had a very specific list of instructions he wanted me to fill. He wanted candles, background music, my favourite toy as well as my collar out at the ready for his use, and condoms (we almost forgot the condoms!!!). I wanted to create the mood. So as I embellished where I could. I had a nice "table cloth" laid out on the coffee table to hold my toys etc, I put the condoms into a pretty dish vice leaving them in the box or just lying on the table, I made sure that my wand was plugged in to an extension cord. I made a special play list of soft music (I like to call it mush music .. soft, romantic type of stuff), all the candles were strategically placed to throw off the proper amount of light. The little things. 

 everything laid out, in a pleasing manner & ready for His use. 

For subsequent dates, I kept everything the same, only embellished more. Our second date he had requested food, a "sandwich", as he would be coming to my place directly from work & would be hungry. Again, I embellished .. the sandwich was put on a plate & covered with a pretty napkin so it wouldn't dry out & also a plate, with cheese, crackers & grapes to give him something to nibble on (besides me). And water, we had forgotten water the first night & considering neither of us spoke that entire night, I couldn't ask. So I also put out two glasses of water ... in wine glasses, just to add to ambiance. (he would give me water throughout the evening as I was still blindfolded & I think I actually wore more than I drank). 

And for his part, FormerD did not like to plan out scenes in advance. He might have a general idea about what he wanted to do but usually just let instinct guide him. But he is a sensual man & he had also known through our many many conversations that I am a very touchy feely type person. I crave touch .. whether it be hands, mouth or whatever .. skin on skin is the best. And I love to touch as well. But he knew this about me and he used it to his advantage. Even when he was leaving me that first night .. still blindfold, exhausted & hurting (in a good way), kneeling, with my ass in the air & forehead on the floor, naked, he slowly got dressed, stopping often to caress my butt, stroke my hair, kiss my shoulder. At one point, he even got down on the floor in front of me,  lifted my head & gave me one last kiss on my lips before he left. There were lots cuddles and hugs throughout that  first night & subsequent nights that followed. 

And when I was given free reign to worship him .. I would not settle for just a blow job. Nope, I wanted to explore all of him, to worship his whole body & not just his cock. Like I said when I was allowed free access, I took advantage to feel, touch, and taste his entire body .. to explore & get to know him.

Of course, not all  sessions were like that. We had some quickly scheduled quickies" when he was able to find a spare hour between work & picking up his kids. Those times we just got down & dirty .. but still there was lots of giggling & playing spread throughout. 

One time he even surprised me by showing up at my house unannounced. Of course I was in a pair of junky old sweats & a ratty t-shirt too. But he was really frazzled ... work was exploding, his kids were still having a hard time adjusting to the separation and his mother had just fallen & hurt her knee really badly. He was so frazzled. "I just wanted to see you" was what he said to me. We sat on the couch and chatted for about 5 minutes before he went all Domly on me & asked me why I had clothes on! *giggles* .. we resumed talking & it didn't even bother me that I was now completely naked!!! But it wasn't too long before I was kneeling on the floor before him because he NEEDED a foot message, & I should fuck the foot that was not getting messaged! O.O ... that was an interesting experience. It wasn't too long that I was draped over the back of the couch & his belt was out! And finally have a good hard fucking from behind (I remember he didn't even take his shirt off!!!), he had to get back to his mothers. When he was leaving, he looked kind of bewildered & sheepish ... "honestly I DIDN'T come here for that" ... to me though, he really looked like he just wanted to crawl up into the bed with me & sleep there for the rest of the night!

With MyBatman, things were alot different. Although he was alot more experienced, way more Domly, and certainly vastly more more hands on than FormerD ever was, we did not have the luxury of physicality. Nope, we pretty much only had email, so our words became essential. We spent alot of time "together" MyBatman & I ... way more than I could have ever hoped for with FormerD. We talked pretty much from the moment we would wake up til it was time for bed. We had a really big connection to each other that was both easy & electric .. you could literally feel it thru the web. *smiles*

MyBatman had rituals ... I was to send him emails every morning, with a picture of the panties I was going to wear for the day. And he also wanted me in my collar & cuffs while I was at home (I allowed to remove my collar to sleep in). I had an assigned task everyday (a specific time was never really established but it kind of evolved into an 11am private bathroom at work task). The tasks were hard ... always new territory for me, and I was required to write him a detailed report on how I made out. As with FormerD, I wanted to put my own little touches into this dynamic and one of the ways I found to do it was with pictures. So when i was doing my daily task .. I would always snap a few pictures of the 'results". Without it being required, I would send Him, a couple of the photos .. never too revealing though, but he seemed to like the added visuals that accompanied my required reports. Again as with FormerD, it's the little things that help to keep things refreshing.

the very first task

But I did not just leave it to the tasks. We were very visual ... and sent many a photo back & forth, usually something hot & dirty from tumblr. But again, without ever being asked .. I would send some selfies ... especially if he had me doing "unscheduled" tasks that he would come up with on the fly. It got to be a fun challenge for me, to take "naughty' pictures without actually revealing anything "too revealing". I even tried to get artistic about it. *giggles* 

Ooops, IT'S not working!!!!! 

*giggles*

So when all you have is email, communication becomes even more important than in RL. It requires alot of faith & imagination to keep things from becoming mundane or even silly. And HOLY HANNA, it's so difficult to type,  when you are fair to bursting, and you need to ask permission to cum ... THANK YOU AUTO CORRECT, you are both a blessing & a curse! 

cuffs & chains were the must have fashion accessory of the season! 

Before I met MyBatman I never thought I would be able to do the whole Online thing. I thought it would be weird & I would feel silly. But not once did I feel that way. It was just as real as my time with FormerD .. even when I was ordered to walk around my house with nothing but a shirt, collar & cuffs on. Or to crawl over to my water dish for a drink of water in the middle of the night. 

possibly my favourite picture I ever took for him. 

Those cuffs became like a second skin & I missed them whenever I had to take them off.

So Tiklish, I hope that I managed to answer your question. Of course, each relationship/dynamic is different .. the connect & chemistry, wants, desires, are all dependant on the individuals. I like to play around & figure out what my partner likes & dislikes. Like I said, they are Dom, they like to control (duh) but the little things that you can inject into your dynamic, might enhance what you already have. And don't forget to ask him, what he liked .. what he didn't like. Communication is key! 

I do not have any really good video sites that I have come across, that really delves into the more sensual side of things ..PORN *sighs*. I do recommend you read my posts that I have linked, for a thoroughly detailed accounting of just how those 2 nights went down. And you can check out my tumblr .. I tend to post alot of sensual pics, & gif (as well as the more hardcore fantasy type stuff). 

Thank you for the question. I have enjoyed babbling on & on about the little things. 

Not Qualified

So March is question month huh?

I don't really feel that I am "qualified" to answer any questions.

How to people even ask ... thru email? I do have my email linked onto my page but here it is anyway ,...

lostkiittie13@gmail.com

*shrug* ask away and I will try to answer.

These are Not the Droids you are looking for ... move along

Well now .. what to say?? It's been a while ...

.. but I've got nothing. Life is just rolling ever forward ... I have been here but there is nothing. The give a fuck factor is almost non-existent.

I am so fucking bored & restless. I have been battling my demons (mainly depression) for weeks now. Some days are good .. some days are not. Most days though, I just exists.

I have started 4 or 5 new blog posts .. some even have some words in them. But I can't form two coherent thoughts together.

I know most of this is caused by this hellish & never ending winter - another 10 cms on Saturday & the temp dropped today, so another day of dressing like the fucking Stay Puff Marshmallow man. *sighs*

And never mind BDSM or even a sex life .. what the fuck is that??? I can't even muster the energy to care, Selfies? .. meh .. why bother.

Okay wow ... Happy Monday to you all .. fm Debbie Downer

Sorry.

Things will pick up .. I know ...

they always do.

And until I find my happy place again I shall bid you all happy kinkiness!

ALL TOGETHER NOW!!!

Phillip will probably get mad at me for this but it will be worth it.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU! 

Our good darling friend Aurora over at http://notyoureverydayfairytale.blogspot.ca/

is having surgery tomorrow. Please join me in sending prayers, blessings, gregorian chants, olms, good tidings, well wishes, best of lucks, speedy recoveries, the force, positive vibes, good vibrations & everything else positive out to her, Phillip & their family. 

I know I speak for everybody here that we all thinking of you today. 

Good luck, & success & a speedy recovery!!! 

We are all with you!!!

(and miss you)

(((HUGS)))

Hard Limits

This is one area where I do have a lot of trouble with.

Apparently Doms don't like it when you tell them you don't really have a "hard limit list" ... who knew? I sure has hell didn't!! It's a good thing I am a quick study.

FormerD had wanted me to fill out a BDSM activity form, when we first started talking about this lifestyle. I said okay .. I will take a look.

I think I got to the third activity (can't even remember what it was - maybe spanked with a hair brush or a cane .. something like that anyway) ... and I shut down that window & sent him a message.

"if you want my mind to snap shut & have me ending up with a VERY big hard limit list, you will not ask me to fill this out" 

How so?

I have stated before on this blog (probably several times) .. when I think too much, THAT'S when I get into trouble. When I was looking at that checklist ... I swear, my head was saying NO FUCKING WAY .. to literally everything!!!!!

Most of it wasn't even that bad but my mind just couldn't grasp it. I am a very literal person ..and a visual one rather than technical, analyticil one.

I would much rather keep my mind open & be willing to try almost anything ... once.

Now that is not to say that I don't have hard limits because I do ... it may be a small list but it is rock solid.

Of course there are the standards ... no children (eww) or animals (triple ewww), no bloodletting, no guns, no knives, (why does that even have to be stated!!!),  needle play (although under the right circumstances) ... no medical play!

If I even hear the "E" word ... I would be out of there so fucking fast!!! And not be held responsible for any violence that I may incur. ... 'nuff said about THAT! *shudders*

But also on my little list (and this TRUTH!!!) :

My 4 lightsabers are NOT spanking implements!!!! 

COFFEE

MyBatman suggested ONCE that he should deny me my morning intake of caffeine  .. It immediately went on my hard limits list .. much to his amusement/bemusement! 

I had/have photography on there as well ... although I think it is more of a soft limit now. FormerD kinda encouraged me to take pictures for him .. not alot or not often but I didn't mind if I had "creative" licence. 

With MyBatman, I actually had alot of fun taking pictures of various tasks I had to do for him. They were very selective shots .. never revealing anything naughty or even what I looked like. He never asked for them .. I did that on my own. He only ever asked for (well ordered me to take) one photo and it was not anything bad. 

SafeD loves taking pictures ... and posting them on Fetlife & tumblr ... I know because he loves showing them to me when we are at coffee. Not something I am too interested in doing! 

Yes taking photos is definitely something that I will keep a certain amount of control over or it will go back on the hard limits list. 

So yup .. that's literally pretty much it. People are surprised with how small it is. I do have to usually add the codicil, that I am still relatively new to all this & bear that in mind BEFORE you decide you think you can go hog wild .. that will definitely result in a safe word to end the "play" more than likely permanently. Fortunately that has not really been an issue (well once with MrD) but it worked out. 

Of course, as always alot also depends on who you are with too! As always .. it is key .. chemistry, honesty & trust!!! 

It will grow .. my little hard limit list. I know I will add things as I go further down the rabbit hole. 

Gods only knows what other quirky things I will put on there.

 Hmmm, I wonder if I will have to put my ewok on there too! 

YUB NUB!!!!!  o.O 

The Thing About Sir

I have spent my entire adult life with the military, 24 years as a solider/sailor (yes I was both) and the past 5 years as a civilian. "Sir" should be (and is for the most part), second nature to me. The problem with that is the matter of "respect"

In the military, officers are called Sir or Ma'am as a mark of respect. Respect for the rank or the "commission". Very rarely is that respect extended to the person wearing that rank. Sad fact is, most officers are a joke. Idiots. Arrogant fucks hardly deserving of such respect.

When it comes to BDSM and D/s, it's hard for me. I cannot just call anybody Sir ... it's like my military days .. it just doesn't mean anything. 

Most people are cool with that. I find that, the type of Doms I like & follow, ... do not want you to call them Sir or they at least respect the fact that you don't want to call them Sir. That you reserve the right to save it for your Dom or the Dom of your choosing (mythical in my case, of course :P  ) 

I have a friend that I email/text with regularly. When we first started to talk .. he said something to the effect ... You're pretty cool. I am not even too mad that you don't call me by my PROPER TITLE. 

HA!!! I disabused him of THAT notion pretty quickly and luckily he "understood" and we have since become good friend. 

Others, well, if they don't like it ... not my problem.

But still, there are a couple of Doms out there .. both on blogger & tumblr, that I do have mad respect for and I can't help but think of them as Sir. There are not many that I do hold above most others but there are a couple. I do not really talk to them so it's not an issue. I consider these Doms as almost gurus, high priests of Dom-dom almost.
And they will even say, "I am not your Dom, you do not have to address me as such" (said in the nicest way possible)
 MAD RESPECT.

When MyBatman laid down that "first order" as my Dom "I think maybe I want you to go upstairs ...." , my immediate reaction was 

O.O .. WOW! 

Yes Sir!!! 

There was no hesitation ... my mind just immediately went there. That had never happened before. The subbie in me just woke up & snapped to attention!!! (mind you there had been an incorrigible amount of flirting & innuendo between us, leading up to that moment) It was a defining moment. The first time (and only time) that I just went there. Sir just slipped out of my mouth, naturally (well out of my computer, technically) 

And now, being back in communication with FormerD, it posses an interesting dilemma for me (and probably the whole basis of this post). The night we had our long talk, he "laid down the law" 

"no more FormerD, little one. I have earned the respect & now expect it" 

I understand where he is coming from, I really do .. I get it. But I am finding it so hard. He is NOT my Dom anymore, & although I will gladly (hopefully) submit to him anytime (soon please), it is difficult to wrap my head around calling him Sir again. 

I don't mean any disrespect by it but I guess I am probably at my least submissive self right now. And it's hard to call somebody Sir who is not my Dom. Even MyBatman stopped being Sir the day he stopped being my Dom. 

SafeD says he has not "earned the title Sir" .. in referring to some ancient BDSM/Leather Community ritualistic protocol that I couldn't even begin to understand. The more I see him on our "coffee dates" the harder I find to picture him as this big bad sadist - OH, I KNOW it's there but until I get to see it .. it's just a big old blank. And I have no idea what I will be expected to call him either. Totally different experience being bottom to a top (or masochist to a sadist) versus a sub to a Dom.

And then there is Maverick. He has not come out & said call Me Sir .. but it is hanging in the air. I think he just expects it from everybody, he doesn't demand it but still he expects it. 

I  have done so tho, called him Sir ... a couple of times, but more because I didn't know what else to call him & there seems to warrant a name calling at the point in the particular conversation. 

 We have not exchanged names in our little "chats"  &  I usually avoid calling him anything. 

~~~~~

Just a note: 

I have used the term Sir here in this post because it is like the "universal symbol" of Dominants/  but you can easily switch it out to: Master, Boss, Daddy, or any other title of respect. It all amounts to the same thing in context with this post 

(And this concludes another rambling post of the wayward things my mind gets up to when it has too much time on it's hands) 

The Double Standard

Wow, this is the third post I have started today. I am on some kind of a roll here. This one is a bit of a rant though started because of something I saw on Tumblr this morning ... A rant or even a PSA if you will. And I did agree with it 110% but I just had to add my own caveat to it. You can read the post here:

http://geekiekittie.tumblr.com/post/74825493258/thelureoffantasies-ms-woodsworld-i-hate-to

The post was about random men sending sexually explicit messages to female bloggers. BAD! And I agree ... There is something truly awful about some no-name scumbag wanted to tie you up & rape you til you pass out (yes I made that one up).

It's gross. It's creepy. And yes it can even be scary.

 I have been really lucky as I have not every really been targeted like that. But I do have "fun" making these types of creeps feel really really "small"  ... I told one guy on fetlife that he should be the poster child for condoms ... hmm, he didn't really talk to me after that ;)

But no that is not the caveat I added.

I added that it's not just women that are "targeted" by sexual "predictors" quite a few of the Doms I follow also get very highly inappropriate invitations as well. I am very happy to report that they, for the most part, equally disgusted,  by this blatant misconduct, as their female counterparts.

So, anyway, all that got me thinking about all the double standards out there on tumblr, in BDSM, & hells in society in general.

Double standards are a HUGE pet peeve with me.

The worst for me, well there are 2 actually ...

1. "Cock shots"
2. Girl on girl "action"

My dashboard is FULL of women ... Naked, posing, plastic (so hate fake boobs!) or selfies. Probably every 3rd photo is some naked chick.

 Yippee! *rolls eyes*
 yeah yeah ... NEXT!

 I do try to counter by posting alot of males ... posing, naked, selfies ... hopefully none are plastic though! o.O


But the peeve here is that a lot women on tumblr actually get offended by "cock shots" .. Really?!?!?!?
You have just posted half a dozen photos of naked women & the sight of a penis offends you?
Oh what?
You are NOT a lesbian?
You have hundreds of naked barbies on you wall ... but I have a guy with his dick hanging out, on my wall & YOU'RE grossed out???

Riiiiiight .....

There is tumblrette, who has become completely addicted to putting up selfies on tumblr .. *yawns*
She also asks for submissions (people sending pictures to her inbox & she will publish them to her wall)

"but please no cock shots! I like the peni but cock shots are just so icky"

I don't get it.

She is "brave" enough to put up every possible type of selfie - including deep throating a dildo in several homemade videos ...

But when a guy (for whatever reason) wants to free willy for all of tumblrvse to see  .. It's not only icky but creepy as well?!?!? ...

Nope no double standard there!

I actually had a conversation with one of my followers (doesn't that sound so egotistical? - MY followers). He had sent me a message asking if he should put up a selfie ... It was something he really wanted to do but was really shy & scared to do it. (Yup, that's really creepy alright.)

 He didn't want to send it to anybody he just wanted to post a selfie to his own "blog".

*shrug* (this is not something that I have ever encountered before)

I encouraged him to do it because it was something he really wanted to do.
And then he asked if I would go & get them out.
I did & I liked & re blogged (not something I normally do - re blog any selfies).
I even left a couple of comments. I am even happy to report that 2 of the photos did alright making the rounds on tumblr a bit.

So is this creepy?!?!?
It made him happy that he got up the nerve to do it & helped to boost his confidence a bit.
And the fact that several people liked his photos.

Wow .. what a creep! And he is still a hell of a nice guy .. even with his dick sticking out!

I just want to note that I do not like sellfies ... of any kind (tumblr .. facebook .. where ever).
99.999% of the time I think of them as self-indulgent ego stokers .. from both sexes.

But whatever .. to each their own but if Barbie can do in & is HIGHLY ENCOURAGED to do so then you better bet that I will be there rooting on Ken. (of course if the guy IS a creep .. no way but it's usually not to difficult to vet those losers out)

 A lot of the time I believe they are nothing but self-indulgent ego strokers ... Both sexes. But to each their own ... If I get a submission .. If it is a naked woman ... It goes in the trash with a message to the originator saying I am not in to women but thank you. For a guy ... I will usually look to see if he is a follower & what his archive is like. If he is not a follower .. I delete end of story. I will publish the submission if it is "tasteful". I do try to not encourage submissions at all.

Okay  what was my other DS again .. oh yes ... girl on girl action (not to be confused with lesbians &/or bisexuals) ....

It just really irks me to no end how accepted, almost expected in all aspects of life .. that every woman should want to participate!!!

FormerD is big on this .. back in the day (and even now) it was big

"you WILL be made to be with another woman!" 

*raises eyebrow* Really?

The very thought of it is a major turn off for me. I get that some women like it or have their own fantasies but .. that ain't me. I have never been one for "trending".

I was talking to my friend Geeky one day & he was telling me how the "search" was going for a female switch for a threesome with him & his wife.  *sighs*

So I asked one of my favourite questions ..

"What about a threesome with another guy?" 

His response:

"I know it's a double standard but FUCK NO" 

Some guys think it's great for their girlfriends/wives/subs/slaves/whatevers to "fuck around" as long as it's with another woman but no fucking guys can touch her!

Really?
And I will point blank ask a guy the obvious

"why?"

"cuz 2 women are hot .. doing a guy would be gross & no guy gets to touch whats mine"

Really? It's so cliche.

Yeah ... I LOVE this double standard soooo much that I have now even incorporated it into my "hard limits" list ... seriously.

And we can thank FormerD for that.

It is now stipulated that if you REALLY REALLY want to have a threesome with me & another girl then first you have to have a threesome with me, you & another guy ... I don't care how THAT scenario works itself out (although I absolutely LOVE gay porn .. just sayin') but it will happen before I ALLOW myself to be with another woman.

And FormerD's response when I told him:

"you WILL be made to be with another man AND another woman!" 

*groans* (oh well at least HE doesn't care about double standards!)

The Last Kiss (very long post!)

He was leaving me. He felt He had to go back to His wife, especially for the sake of the children. He wanted to talk to me about it but no, He didn't want to talk about it online, as He distrusted the security and felt this needed to be done face to face. The only problem with that is we never seem to be able to just talk when we are alone together. *giggles*

It took about a week before He was able to find a free evening. He was coming over and wanted me to be in the "present position" (kneeling, ass up & face down - His favourite).

"But i thought you wanted to talk Sir"

"Until such time that it is done, you are still Mine!"

- alrighty then.

That morning, i was on TV ... we (Star Wars gang) were promoting an upcoming charity event. It's one of the few times i will wear make-up ... when i do the Star Wars - it's better for the pictures. And TV too!

Anyway, i decided to keep the make-up on for our "talk". Former D had never seen me with make up so i thought .. what the hell, right?

He was coming at 6pm. i was ready ... candles lit, lingerie on, the lace top & matching panties with the fishnet stockings. (he loved that set so!!), .. the usual (no music though).

It was a weird feeling .. knowing this would be the last time we were together. He hadn't actually come out & said that He was going back to His wife but i knew ... of course He was going. Anyway, i was full of all sorts of emotions.

But i was waiting ... on my knees, ass up & forehead kissing the floor. We had actually not had a chance to practice this, our favourite ritual, in a long time, because time always seemed to be a factor. Oh well it seemed a fitting end.

He arrived, like He always has, quietly moving into the room. I had my collar out on the little table, waiting for him.

He always insisted, He be the one to put my collar on me .. i don't know why .. i guess it made Him feel more Domly? *shrug* i thought it was cute anyway.

Ooops I digress ... where was i? Oh yes, FormerD HAS arrived. He stands in front of me so i may kiss His socks .. just a couple of light kisses to say hello. :)  .. then He moves off to the side of the bed where he proceeds to undress.

I am quiet as I await his pleasure. I always got so wet, while I waited & my body would always start trembling before He even touched me.

He is in front of me again .. naked now. He bends down & grabs my pony tail & pulls me up to kneel before him. I am staring at a raging hard on. I know better than to go for it but my mouth is watering. He has my collar in his hand and he reaches around to buckle on. I did sneak a kiss ... just below his belly button. One of those nice soft butterfly kisses, that can tickle & soothe.

*SMACK* ... he slaps my face for my sassy little kiss. *giggles*

He then lifts my arms up over my head so he can remove my lace top. Once done, he grabs the o-ring of my collar & stands me up ...

*SWOOSH* off come the panties & he has grabbed his tie. He binds my hands behind my back & turns me 180 degrees.

There we are, eyeball to eyeball as he stands ooooh so close to me. Our breath mingles.

He takes a step back and with all the sincerity & seriousness in the world says to me ....

"Do you want to talk?"

WTF ... NOW??????

.. with your raging hard on & wetness literally running down my leg??

"No Sir"   after a pause I add ..

"Do you?"

"No!"

.. well ok then.

He steps away & walks behind me to the "tickle chest" - after the second "date" I made shelf in my armoire for his use.

I don't know what he grabbed but it didn't take long to find out ...

*SWOOSH* .. right across my back!

ahhh, the flogger I had made for Him (my favourite!)

After a couple of strokes across my back & ass .... he was in front of me again. I am still standing, in the middle of the bedroom. He stands about 3 feet in front of me. This is all new ... usually when he flogs/spanks/paddles etc me, I am at least kneeling and on the bed. And I have never been struck from the front before.

Hmmmm ...

So I stand there & I am looking at him. We just look at each other for a couple of minutes and then he begins. The flogger flies, it's a steady barrage ... up & down my body, to the side, around back & then back to the front again. He takes several trips, walking around my body, the flogger always in motion.

I am not sure what came over me, I don't know if was a need to please, or knowing that it would be the last time. I made an subconscious decision  .. I guess.

But I just stood there, my eyes locked onto his. I would not close my eyes for anything. And I would not flinch, I would not move .. and I would give him everything, like a parting gift.

I do not know how long the flogging went on for ... 30 mins maybe? 3 hours? I have no idea. Time stood still for us. It was amazing!

At one point, he threw the flogger down, came up beside me, grabbed me by the neck, pulled me in & kissed me with a force like I have never been kissed before. I have never, ever seen anybody with such a look in his eyes! It was so raw, so impassioned & so primal. That look is forever etched into my mind for eternity. It was incredible.

And he wasn't done! He picked the flogger back up & had another go. Up & down, all around, side to side. Harder & harder. And I stood there & I watched him. It was almost like I wasn't there at all (maybe this was the fabled subspace I never heard about at the time???) But finally, it got to me. I took a quick step back at one point but quickly recovered. It finally got too unbearable & I gave him what He wanted.

"Red Sir!"  .. but that wasn't good enough.

Where?

"My nipple Sir"

Which one?

"The left one Sir"

Ok.

He went on a little while longer (making sure to avoid the tender bits now). Fuck, how long had he been at it? I have no idea. Finally he threw the flogger away and came to me.

Fuck you can take alot!!!!!

"Thank you Sir" (I was actually quite proud of that!)

He cuddled & kissed me a bit, making sure that I was still with him before he pushed me to my knees and fucked my face. Another boundary He always liked to push. I am a very bad gagger but that never bothered him ... "Breath, precious!" I had actually gotten pretty good at deep throating him & didn't dread it nearly as much as when we first started. No dread isn't really the right word .. It didn't scare me near as much as what it use to.

But he was not content with that for very long. He pulled me up by my collar & brought me to the side of the bed where I was pushed down and laid back so I was across the bed with me butt at the edge & my feet over the side.

"Are you ready to suffer for your Dom?"

You mean I haven't been????? o.O

He went to the armoire & got something out of it.

Sit Up!

He tied one of the scarves around my head as a blindfold & pushed me back down again. Then he positioned himself in front of me between my open legs. Suffer? Hmmmm???

Then I felt the clothes pin close on my clit.

OH MY! (never had this happen before)

I can honestly say it didn't really hurt too much. I could feel it pinch but it only really hurt when he pulled on it or tapped it a couple of times.

Then he brought out the vibrating egg. All the while he kept talking to me. Reminding me about the assignment he had me do awhile back - find 10 videos of cunt torture & send him the links.

How many of those do you think we can do, my precious fucktoy?

"I don't know Sir"

You don't know???

"No Sir"

Well let's find out, shall we?

"moans"

The vibrating egg on the clothes pin was having quite the effect on me & apparently my legs were trying to close (I didn't even notice)

Open your legs!!! *SMACK* across the thigh!!

He's fingers started to work there magic & he started to finger fuck me.

Are you going to cum for me, precsiou?

"Yeeeeeeeees Sir"

Not without asking me you are not!

"May I cum please Sir?"

Not yet.

bang bang bang, ... vibrate the clothes pin ...bang bang bang

"Ooooo Sir!!!"

Yes precious??

"may i cum please Sir"

Are you ready to cum for your Dom??

"yes please Sir"

Okay, on the count of 10 ... 9 ... 8 ....

... 1 cum!!!!

squirt, squirt, squirt ..... O.O

Again!

10 .. 9...  ..... 1   ... CUM!

squirt, squirt SQUIRT!!!

fingers never stop fucking me ... I am making my way across the bed ... my feet are no longer touching the floor ....

Again!

10 ... 9 .... 1 ... NOW!

squirt, squirt SQUIRT .... skooch across the bed some more.

Again!

and Again!

and Again!

OMG! Where does this man get his stamina ... his fingers never stop .. not once.

meanwhile my head is now at the other edge of the bed & starting to tilt back. I am a whithering, moaning mess by now ... trembling & shaking like a leaf! He stops (finally) but only to pick up the vibrating egg again and concentrate more on the clothes pin.

Does my precious slut like that???

"mumble mumble?"

What a mess you have made!!! Your bed is soaked. Shame on you

"mumble, sigh"

Fingers go back to what they were doing ...

Again!

*groans*

AGAIN!

10... 9.... 1 .. CUM!!!!

gush!

AGAIN!

(holy fuck!!!!!)

"NOOOOOO" head tossing from side to side.

No? NO?!?!
YES!!!
AGAIN!!!!!

Fingers slamming relentlessly into me now .. the pinch of the clothes pin is now almost searing pain.

10 ... 9 .... 1 ... CUM!!!

GUSH!!!

(how am I even doing this?????)

OMG! I am surely dying ...........

AGAIN!

"Nooooooooooooo" .........

"Yellow"  ...as I am twitching uncontrollabey and now my head and neck are completely off the bed!

One more!

slam slam slam ... flick the clothes pin ... see the pain slut jump!

NOW!

GUSH GUSH GUSH!

GOOD GIRL!

*sighs*
"Thank You Sir"

AGAIN!

"Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk"

One More.

(why has his arm NOT fallen off by now? all that flogging & now all this banging! - seriously) O.O

Ready?  ... 10 ... 9 .... 8 ....1 ... CUM!

squirt squirt squirt!
thrash, spasm, buck,

One More!

"No Sir pleaseeeeeee ..." tossing head side to side

Awww, poor baby ... AGAIN, ONE MORE!

Reaaaaady?  ...... Cum
and I did! I don't know how the hells he did that. I could barely cum before I met him & now he had me squirting right off the fucking bed!!!!!

But it was finally over ... he removed the clothes pin after giving it one final twist & shake (I screamed at that one) & turned the egg off.

I was a trembling puddle of goo, with my shoulders & head completely off the other side of the bed at this point. He walked around the bed, pushed me up a bit & his cock again found the back of my throat. He face fucked me for a very little bit & then he took the blindfold off and helped me turn around .. scurry across the bed and get on my hands & knees.

He proceeded to fuck me from behind. Hard & fast & it was soooo good ... I was really sore but it was like he rock solid cock was soothing as it slammed into me. Weird how that works?!?! And by this time I wanted him to cum ... I was sooooooooooooo tired. I never wanted the night to end but my body was a wreck.

He didn't fuck me for long though.

Holy fuck, I am tired .... as he pulls out of me for a final time & flops down on his back with his head in the heap of pillows at the head of the bed.

I think it's time you took care of me, don't you think precious???

"Yes Sir" I replied eagerly ... all my tiredness seemed to magically disappear!

So I settled down between his legs & eagerly begin to work on his cock. I love worshipping him .. esepcially when he let me do it MY WAY! I played with his cock for quite awhile .. with my hands, my mouth, my tounge as he lay back & watched me. He knew enough by now that he didn't NEED to direct me & that I would do a "good" job. So I teased & sucked & nibbled to the point where he started to moan slightly. Then I moved down a bit more so my face was buried.

Now the man knows what he likes & is not afraid to admit it. Which suited me just fine. I started to go lower, sucking in his balls, and swirling them around with my tongue, keeping a firm grasp on his shaft & never taking my eyes off his. And then my tongue licks lower to his ass. He LOVES this most of all. And quite frankly it made me sooooo hot. My tongue darting in & out of his ass while my nose tickles at his balls. I am looking up at him, my hair all a mess in front of my face ... peering past his cock. It really sets him off when I do that. He tries to keep his eyes focused on me but he is a goner. So soon, I replace my tongue with my index finger ... it's so wet down there from the constant "tongue lashing" I have been giving him that lube is not even required. My finger has no trouble finding his prostate & if there was any doubt the huge growl he emits lets me know I have found my mark. My finger is happily messaging his prostate, and my other hand is stroking his cock ever so leisurely and my tongue is bathing his balls. He is almost to the point where he is now the thrasher on the bed!! I was so lost in this dreamy existence that I almost missed it ... almost without warning, his moaning had become quite guttural so that when he started to cum the "OHHHHH FUCK!" was barely recognizable! But I managed to "catch it" in time. Once he started to come .. my mouth quickly sucked his whole cock in & I managed not to miss an incredible drop!!!

I lay there for a few minutes basking in the afterglow, just nuzzling & giving butterfly kisses around his crotch & inner thighs, as he floated back down from his orgasmic high. Once he was back down to earth I slithered back up into the comfort of his arms and that's when he said it ....

"that was the best fucking orgasm I have EVER had!"

*blush* & *giggles*

And as it must, reality started to set back in and we FINALLY had our talk. Yes, it was almost for certain that he was moving back home. His kids were having such a hard time adjusting and were not doing very well at all. And of course he still had feelings for his wife. ... yadda yadda yadda, There really wasn't much for me to say .. what could I say? I really just listened. My concern was that he was given up a very important part of his life (not me per se but the dominant side of him - his wife was DEFINITELY not interested in that sort of thing) and that he was going back for the right reasons because kids are smart & will pick up on negative vibes & resentment .. yadda yadda yadda. But really we both knew what he was going to do.
The funny part of the whole conversation was his assumption that now that I had had a taste of "bdsm" I would go back to vanilla lifestyle.

"Who said I would go back to that Sir? I replied jokingly.

HAHAHAHA! The look on his face was priceless. I told him just because he had to go back to vanilla didn't mean I had to! Admittedly I said that just to be a little bit mean because of the fact that he was leaving me. (who knew what I would actually become!).

All too soon it was time.

"Come shower with me!"

d'uh okay ....

I liked showering with him ... you wash my back & I'll wash yours. There is always something so ... intimate about showering together. The only other time we did that ... he asked me if I was ever going to be comfortable enough around him to pee in front of him (it was a thing with him ... *rolls eyes*) .. I told him that I was too shy ... to which he responded

"I'm not!" and he grabbed me .. pulled me close & peed on my hip and all down my leg! To say I was shocked would have been the world's greatest understatement! But in reality it wasn't all that bad. It certainly didn't seem that way anyway.

But now here we were again .. shower for the last time. And he told me to get on my knees & "Make me hard"

"Yes Sir!"

It didn't take long ...

Now stay still, keep your eyes & your mouth closed .... ready?

And he grabbed his cock & peed ... all over my neck, my shoulders & my chest. When he was done .. he bent down, kissed me ever so sweetly .. a long lingering kiss & said "Now I have marked you .. You're mine!"  and then proceeded to wash me up.. squeaky clean.

 At the time ... I was in awe over the symbolic gesture & all  ... but really, that was just a mean thing to do to somebody you are leaving! *pouts*

And that is pretty much it. We got dressed, chatted lightly about nothing really ... giggled & kissed & hugged alot. And then it was time ... time to say good bye .. empty promises

We still haven't watched Star Wars together!

"No Sir"

Soon ...

"Yes Sir"

Then one last loooooong sweet, passionate & urgent kiss goodbye & he walked out the door!

~~~~~~
I was sad to see him go, of course I was, .. we had a pretty good thing going on ... it wasn't perfect by a long shot & it was certainly still in its infancy stages. I cried a little as I shut the door & went back upstairs. But I didn't think anything of it ... I just thought it was like any other vanilla type break up ... you get sad, you might cry a little & then you move on. Right?

Well it only took a couple of days for, what one could assume to be major subdrop to set it. The anxiety & the loneliness soon set in & ... well you know the rest of the story ... 2 weeks later lost kittie was born!

(phew! that took a long time to write ... still alot of emotion mixed in there ... happy emotions though!)

=^.^=

Epilogue

He FUCKING LEFT ME?!?!?!

I couldn't believe he left me. There I was naked, ass in the air, collared & blindfolded, on my living room floor & he just walked out!

I knelt there motionless for about 5 minutes after he had gone, still kind of shocked. But then I started to giggle and I thought .. how appropriate! I don't know why I thought that but I did.

Ooo I was starting to get cold! I need to move now!!! I literally had to crawl back over to the couch (yes I finally took the blindfold off before I moved), I climbed up onto the couch, wrapped myself in a blanket & just collected myself.

What time is it???? I looked, hmmm, not quite 930pm. Wow, all that all in 3 hours! OMG!

OMG! I am parched!!! I needed water in the worst possible way, but I was not too sure that my legs would support me. Hmmm, I very gingerly got up & slowly made my way into the kitchen where I inhaled at least a liter of water in one gulp. Then I threw on my sweats & t shirt that I had the foresight to leave down in the bathroom downstairs & then I went outside for a smoke.

My mind was racing .. going over everything that had happened. It was intense & erotic & way more sensual then I had ever imagined it would be. I was not even bothered that he left me the way he did. I know why he did it ... I still couldn't believe that he did it but the man loved his mind fuckery!

I slowly & gingerly made my way upstairs to my bathroom, where I striped & washed up. There were some nice bruises already forming on my boobs & lots of scratches from the pin or whatever it was that he chose to mark me with (I don't think it was one of the warbuton wheelie thingys though). The dirty word he wrote across my belly was already faded, I couldn't even see it (much to his disappointment).

Then I crawled into bed to wait for him to come online. I didn't have long to wait but I was almost asleep (passed out) when he did.

"Wasn't that very naughty of me? I just wanted to make sure that you are not mad at me"

*giggles*

.....

That whole first time we were together, I was blindfolded & neither one of us spoke a word. He said I did scream at one point & I do remember him give a little chuckle over the clothespin. He also made a very audible "OH" when I grabbed his cock with one hand & rubbed the head of it with the palm of the other! ;)

Other than that, it was a night of pure sensation. And oh what a night it was!!!!! *dreamy sighs*

Yeah,  considering he had said we were going to chat & "I may or may not fuck you" ... I think it went rather well!  *giggles*

-------

It would take me, 2 more "play sessions" to earn the right to hear his voice & to see his face. (and another 3 weeks all together)

The first involved me submitting to him spanking me until HE was satisfied. This scared me a little bit because we never really did alot of that in the first go around. But we did it. And his first words to me .... "fuck, you can take alot, precious!" .. I was very proud.

And to earn the right to see his face (he was very reluctant to give up the blindfold), I had to worship his body. I made a suggestion about that, but apparently I was "topping from the bottom", which did not go over very well at all. I got yelled at over it, which in turn, pissed me off & made me not do something he had commanded me to do & I did not speak to him for 3 days. After the 3 days, I apologized for my brattiness & told him of my sin. Well, I guess the thought of punishment was a great thing because he literally got in his car at 3am & drove to my house .. on a Monday morning (I didn't have to work that day but he did & I would be trooping my Star Wars stuff all day anyway). The punishment was swift & hard & I felt horrible for it, but in the end I finally got rid of the blindfold. I love love LOVE people's eyes and it was very hard for me not being able to see him this whole time! And he had smokin' HAWT eyes. The type of eyes you get lost in when staring into them. *drools*

--------

We were together all of 6 times in 3 months. Each of them different but glorious in their own rights. I could detail each on of them as they are blazed into my mind, but I won't.

But they did include a very interesting car ride that included my pants pulled down around my ankles!

And a surprise, inpromptu visit on a Sunday evening. "I honestly didn't come here for this!!! I just really wanted to see you", he said as he put his pants back on!!! *giggles*

Unfortunately we did not get to spend alot of time together, he was always so busy ... work, his kids, then his mom fell & broke her knee. I would have liked more from him ... I was very eager to experience new things. Him too ... "Precious, if I could .. I would take it ALL!!!!!"   OH MY! *blush*

One thing he did do "for me" .. I was very nervous because I had to do a photo shoot for a magazine. It was happening right after work, at my office. I hate getting my picture taken & this was such a big deal because it was for an article in a magazine! ... Anyway, he instructed me to go into the bathroom at work, at noon, & remove my panties & I was not allowed to wear them again until after I got home!!! Now every time my mother shows people the magazine article & picture I blush .. people just think I being modest but I know that underneath my Star Wars Sith robes I am nekid!!!!!!


We had a bad habit of never "talking" when we were together. He didn't like to talk about "important" stuff online but would rather do it in person, the only trouble with that was his Domliness would take over as soon as he walked into the house & all thoughts of "talk" seem to be left at the front door! .. not that I ever complained!!!

-------

But like I said I wont go into the six times we were together (I just babble on & on  though apparently ...
I will probably post about the last time we were together because it was as memorable as the first time .. just for very different reasons.

-----

And this was my introduction into this lifestyle. He may not have had a ton of experience (and I had NONE), but I don't think I could have wished for anything more .......... I will always cherish him & our time together.

OH WHAT A NIGHT!

Where were we? Ah yes ....

I am spread out ... knees apart, ass in the air, forehead kissing the floor. I can hear him ... standing there, just off to the side of me & slightly back. I cannot see him but his breathing is all I can focus on. I am acutely aware of his presence.

What is he doing????

He stands there for what seems like forever ... not touching, not speaking, just standing.

What is he thinking about???

Maybe he doesn't like what he sees or he can't decide what to do?

We are suppose to be having a chat!

Right?

I swear I am so full of nervous energy & excitement I can barely contain myself. I know it is visible .. the trembling, I swear I am shaking like a leaf. Is he going to spank me? Is it going to be rough???

DO SOMETHING MAN!!!!!

And then he touches me, the softest of caresses up my spine! A touch that was so hot, it was like the leather corset had melted away.

I am surprised I didn't melt into the floor, knees buckling. But I didn't .. I left a tremor go up my entire body though. He moves now .. he is standing in front of me.

I get my first look at him ... his socks & he is wearing jeans (I didn't expect that as he was just finished working). He bends down, he has something in his hands. Oh he had grabbed a scarf, which I had draped across the back of the couch.

He uses the scarf as a blindfold. (I had forgotten, I had straightened my hair & put it in a high pony tail because I HATE eating my own hair when I am trying to "eat" other things). It made it easier for him to tie the blindfold on anyway. Once he made sure that it was secure & I couldn't see, he pulled me up by my pony tail so I was in a kneeling position. He then grabbed my collar and put it around my neck (I had that collar from my "goth" days). My face was literally in his crotch as he leaned forward to fasten the collar (I wanted him in my mouth but he was still fully clothed!). And then he took another scarf (I think I had 4) and tied my hands behind my back!

Ok, so blindfold & collared & bound .. let the games begin!

He grabbed the O ring of the collar & jerked me up into a standing position. And he stood nose to nose for a minute ... lips scarcely touching mine .. not kissing, just there.

*shivers*

Then he moved. He stood beside me, well more into me, off my left shoulder, surrounding me with his presence. I can feel every inch of him too. His hard on against my hip, his legs on either side of my leg. The softness of his sweater all along my torso. His hot breath in my ear & on my neck, one point on my cheek. His hands roaming,

And I am thinking (just for a second) "Ooo he is exactly my height - 5'2" - shorter than he said at 5'8'.

But now, his hands are roaming. I am very happy to announce that my once too tight corset, was now too big, which gave him free access to expose my tits ... after he had pulled the spanky pants down to my knees. I was shaking by this point .. no definitely not because of nerves.

He moved in front of me again, after playing with my nipples, making them hard as rock..

He is right in my face! Oooo so close ... lips almost touching!

FUCK! KISS ME ALREADY!!!!

But he didn't, as he teased my lips, his hands made real quick work with the tongs on the corset & soon it was tossed aside & I was completely exposed for Him.

Now he started playing with my tits in earnest! Pulling, & pinching my nipples, biting and soft kisses. I have never been one who got much enjoyment out of "fondling" but holy smokes ... it was a good thing he was there to hold me up because my legs had already turned to jelly!

And then came the clothes pins. Of course I had never had this before (I was a BDSM virgin after all). I shuddered & I was a little nervous. The first one, He clipped on .. no problem whatsoever. But the second one.... I don't know which was more stubborn .. my left nipple or the clothespin that kept coming apart. He actually chuckled at one point while I struggled not to laugh out loud (I somehow think that would NOT have been well received). The clothespins didn't last too long, I think he got bored with that rather quickly.

He maneuvered me around my furniture and had me kneeling on the couch with my bound wrists hanging over the back of the couch. Then he stuffed my spanky pants in my mouth!!! o.O

I cannot really remember if he spanked me then. He didn't really spank me alot, that night ....

But he fucked me! He took me from behind, with me draped over the back of the couch ... spanky's still stuffed in my mouth. And then he turned me around, pinned my arms behind my back & finished what he started.

Missionary position? Hardly .. well sorta, but with my ankles pinned behind my head. And he fucked hard! Slamming into me for all it's worth, only stopping once to untie my hands (apparently he noticed that I was in alot of discomfort?!?! - who knew!!). And he came & collapsed. I loved the feel of the weight of him, pressing me down into the couch.

We cuddled for a few minutes. And he kissed me then. *swoons*

I figured we would have some good downtime .. maybe start that "chat" we were suppose to be having???

Wrong!

Our cuddle lasted approximately 5 minutes & then he rolled off of me, & grabbed my hands & put them to his cock.

OMG .. he was hard already! (still?) O.O

He sat me up & then sat down beside me. I was allowed to explore then. Fuck he had the softest hair & longish .. we sweeping bangs. So different from his picture! I wanted to see!!!!! To look into his eyes. But oh he felt so good. There is something to be said for letting your hands, your body, to see for you!

After letting me explore to my little hearts content. He slid me down to the floor so that I was kneeling in front of him & guided my mouth to him. He was quite keen on testing my gag reflexes so he controlled me.

All through out our chats prior to this he was quite happy to try to fuck with my mind about me rimming him. I don't think he quite believed me when I told him that I LOVED rimming :D ... he believed me after that. It wasn't long before I had him moaning & squirming. He pulled me up & I rode his cock,  teasing him, grinding into him & making him cum again!!! I made him shudder!!!! O.o  There is something powerful in making a guy shudder!

He gathered me close for another touchy feely, kissy face cuddle. Again, it did NOT last long before he was ready for more!

MORE?!?!

I had no idea what time it was or how long we had been "at it for" .. time had seem to stand still.

He got off the couch & left me laying there on my back. I couldn't believe that he was ready for more .. already! But he was. He was like my little energizer bunny! He stood beside me & guided my hands to his cock. (he was already hard too!) and I played with him a little bit & he played with me. And then he moved between my legs, threw them over my shoulders & fucked me harder still ... for the third time! And he came AGAIN!!!

Honestly ... I have never seen the likes!!!

But he was not done with me yet. He got out a pin or something & started tracing around my tits and down my stomach .. he even wrote a dirty word across my belly! And then he knelt back up bent me in half & then lowered my ass so it was resting against his stomach. He tortured me for what seems like forever ... finger fucking me hard & fast! I believe I screamed at one point! And by the time he was done with me, the only part of me still on the couch was from the hips down and that's only because he was holding them. He finally relented, helped me back up onto to the couch, holding me & letting me catch my breath.

We stood up and he lead me back to my "pillow" that was still on the floor from where I greeted him. He put me back down into the presenting position that I was in when he first got there. And then he left me alone. Slowly he got dressed, stopping often, to smack my ass, or pat my hair (my poor pony tail was a mess!), caress my back, pinch a nipple .. well you get the idea. And when he was done, he had finally remembered to do what he had threatened so often .. he moved in front of me so I may kiss his now covered feet (socks).

And then he grabbed his coat, put on his boots ...

and then ...

HE LEFT ME ................................................

Let's Talk About Sex!!!! (this is a sex blog right?????)

This is the story of mine first time with Former D & my first real adventure down the rabbit hole (Mr Experience sooooo did not even rate!) . Why? Because I am sick of all my depressing bullshit & well .. it was REALLY HAWT!

We had made plans to meet for coffee ... the proper thing to do when meeting somebody for the first time. Right?!?!  But my Former D, well he was a naughty one & thought it would be sexy & fun to meet at a sex shop instead. My poor vanilla mind!!!! Then changed his mind again!!!! "if I had my way, I would meet you half naked!"

My response ... "for coffee?!?!?!?" *giggles*

So that's what we did. A scant 3 weeks after we had started talking (on POF of all places), we had a date at my house. This is how he wanted our first meeting to go. We were going to talk & get to know one anothers' limits, & expectations, oh & he may or may not fuck me. ... at my house, with me half naked! o.O

He was very good ... I could have a safe call etc,and I had my safe words. He did ask that if I had changed my mind, to say RED, then give him a few minutes & he would walk out the door, no questions asked. Or if I needed to I could say YELLOW, he would immediately retreat, sit in a chair & await with his eyes closed for me to either come to him or ask him to leave. I found that to be all very overwhelming but was still very eager for this to transpire.

I was to be wearing lingerie (stocking optional) and nothing else. I was to have candles lit, my collar & my favourite toy (hitachi!!!) laid out, camera & music optional. CAMERA!!! Oh boi oh boi! Oh yes and don't forget the scarves & condoms!!!!! (a last minute detail HE had forgotten)

I was sooooo nervous all day (directed to wear no panties at all until I dressed for him), and sooooooooo wet, of course I was not to touch myself all day either. We were sending emails back & forth all day long .. the anticipation building!

I took a long time getting ready deciding what to wear, what to do with my rat's nest (hair) .. make up or no make up. I am not a big one for make up ... I hardly ever wear it so I decided I was not going to wear it that night either. This is me .. like it or leave it!

I decided on my black leather corset and black spanky pants (I don't think that's actually what they are called .. black panties with the ruffles on the butt!). I straightened my hair (it takes forever to do!) & I got dressed.

There was another email .. he is running about 30 minutes late. I was getting more & more nervous & wetter & wetter. But never once thought of cancelling - I wanted this sooooo bad, although I really had no clue what THIS was.

I had everything ready. I just had to get into "position" for when he knocked on the door. The anticipation was building .. I didn't know what to do with myself so I waiting & peeked out my kitchen window (curtains partially opened). We had exchanged pictures so I did know what he looked like & vice versa but it's not the same. I was meeting a virtual stranger for the first time .. in my house, in my skivvies .. fancy skivvies at that! But I had no idea what kind of car he drove etc etc. But when he did drive into my parking lot (well actually first he drove past it & had to double back) .. I just KNEW. I waited til he pulled into my parking spot then I ran into the living & got into position.

So there I was, on all 4's ... ass up, head down & arms out in front of me. This is how he wanted me to greet him! I could barely control my breathing as I waiting. I think I jumped a little bit as the door bell announced his arrival .. he waited about 30 secs then let himself in. I ceased to hear the music playing ... all I could hear was him, all my focus was on him. He would be able to see at least part of me as the living room is straight back from the front hall. He took off his coat & hung it up & then his boots. It seems like forever before I could hear him pad silently down the hall. I swear I stopped breathing as he stood there just to the left of me and I know by this point I was visibly trembling. Wondering how this was all going to play out ... our little talk (of course talking was the last thing on my mind - actually I think my mind had shut down by then) .............

to be continued .....................................

Hmmm, Lost Blog & an update!

I was just inford by a friend that my blog is "missing" ... Which explains alot actually!!

It's probably my fault too, I changed the URL & forgot/didn't know that it wouldn't automatically change throughout blog land!!! D'oh!!

So if I comment with on your blog I will probably attach my new URL along with it!!!

D'oh indeed!! *blush*

UPDATE:

I realized, especially today that I need this blog. It's the only real place I have to express myself, especially with stuff I can't talk about, to people in my real (vanilla) life. So for better or worse ... Blog land, you're stuck with me!! :P

Do You Think BDSM is for You???

I have been having a hard time putting in to words, what D/s means to me. I have been doing alot of reading and researching as well as soul searching.

And it literally just hit me .. writing this post. It's been 4 months today, since former Dom left me. Wow .. only 4 months??? It seems like a lifetime ago now!!!! I have grown sooo much since then! How appropriate that I write this post today (quite by accident too)

One of his favourite questions he asked me alot .. "do you think BDSM is for you?" I could never give him an answer.

I would think that answer is a resounding YES. But it is so much more than that. It is more than dungeons, being tied up, spanked, flogged, fucked etc etc. It's D/s, it's TPE, it's a way of life.

It is with great sadness that I have to report that I had to let PwP go. He truly is a great guy and I do care about him. But I do believe we are destined to be good friends. We just want different things. And to be blunt (but hopefully not too hurtful) .. he is just not the Dom I am looking for. I do hope that he can forgive me & understand one day. :'(

So what am I looking for then? And THIS is what I find so hard to put into word. *deep breath*

Former Dom, although not an "experienced" Dom, set the bar. I don't even think he knew exactly what we were doing or where we were headed but .. well that's what I want .. I want THAT back. I never once didn't know my place and never once was he afraid of keeping me there. It took me 3 "dates" to earn the right to see him (he kept me blindfolded for the first two dates ... something he just sort of made up as he went along). Once I wanted to "talk to him" on a serious matter & he would not even entertain it because I tried to call him by his first name instead of Sir. He calmly and rationally talked me off the edge on more than one occasion. LOL .. I was nervous because I had to do a photoshoot once for a magazine & his solution for "my nerves" ... go remove my panties 3 hours before the shoot & do NOT put them back on! So yes, there is a picture of me in a local magazine .. all Star Wars Costumed out .. with no knickers on! (and my mother so proudly shows that magazine off to all her friends) o.O

He owned me, and he cared for me and, well, I just worshipped him .. I really did. It's too bad he can't ask me that question now ... "do you think this is for you, precious?" HELLS YES SIR!!!!

In these long 4 months, since he left me, I have learned. I know who I am now and I know what I want. I have read and I have asked questions. I have made friends. I have even experimented. But I have not found what I am looking for.

I am looking for a Dom .. one who, wants to own me, to possess me, to make me his. I want a Dom who (for example) will send me a text, in the middle of the day, telling me to go to the bathroom "put an elastic around your thigh & snap it 10 times because it will give me pleasure for you to hurt yourself for me" (I read that somewhere & it really struck a cord with me). I want a Dom, who will control me, that will listen to me, who will let me be sassy but will NOT let me be a brat. A Dom who knows, who he is and what he wants, and is not afraid to go out there and get it.

My inner-sub is screaming for this. I want to be owned, to be possessed. I long to be pleasing, to be used, as a fucktoy, as a friend, as a pet. All the time .. in all things and not just in the bedroom. It's kind of like it's all or nothing.

I think sometimes what I am looking for is unattainable. But then I take to blogland & I read. There are Doms that I really look up to & say yes, that's what I am talking about!!! And I read subs' blogs .. some are married, some are single, some are poly, some are slaves. And I envy them all! *grins* .. they have what I want! But I admire them as well ... they have what I want!

So is what I am looking for unattainable?? NO!!! ... I was told by a friend to not settled for anything less than what I want. HE IS OUT THERE .. my Dom. And he is brilliant, he is funny, he is kind, he is cruel, he is strong, he is commanding, he is sweet, he is demanding, he is .. everything. And he will set this little inner-subbie free!

broken

No not like that!!!! My fibromyalgia is just kicking my ass this weekend!!! O.o  (the title got your attention though didn't it!) ;)

There has been SOOOO much that has happened since my last post! It's hard to know where to start.

And now I have apparently been tasked to BLOG!!! o.O   (yes of course that tickles me pink!!)

So apparently 4500+ texts in 10 days IS a good thing!

After spending last weekend at my cottage with friends, it was FINALLY time to meet with my "texting buddy" and I am happy to announce that the 4500+ texts lived up to their promise in real life.

We met last Sunday night for that all important "first meeting" .. we grabbed coffee (yes of course it was Timmies - Tim Horton's best coffee in the world!) and heading down to the canal. It was a very nice place to be able to sit & talk (& cuddle & kiss!!!) ... very private with the exception of a ninja duck!

This past week, we have spent as much time together as we can. Our work schedules are literally opposite of each others. I am a Monday to  Friday, 7am-3pm kinda girl .. he is Thursday to Sunday 12 hour midnight shifts kinda guy. It will take a lot of adjustments for both of us to be able to spend time together .. both vanilla & playtime.

I am enjoying our 0630am morning coffee dates! ;)

So, in a nut shell, in the past week ... I have gained a boyfriend & a Dom!!

And life is GOOD!

(((HUGS)))
lost kittie
=^.^=

PS .. There you go Sir ... task completed BEFORE you woke up .. as promised! xoxoxoxo