Well Now ... This is New!!!

We are back to the daily bathroom task.

When we were together before, MyBatman always gave me a task at work. 11am everyday, I would go to the private bathroom & do ... something.

This is back. The other day, the task involved a cold can of Pepsi & a "cool down" task .. I was cold for the rest of the day.

His favourite is having me snap an elastic to either my thigh or better still ... my boobs. Ouch!

... I did NOT miss the elastics.

This morning, He informs me that tomorrow I am to wear an "old pair of panties that I don't mind getting ruined"!!!!!

OH MY!

And all I got out of Him about that was,

"this week's theme is UNDER"

... & was sent off to the bathroom to slap the UNDER side of my boobs ... 10 times each with a ruler (I have a rubber ruler ... OUCH!)

....  We have themes now. Sir????

Indeed we do kittie, he replies ... " and just wait til CONDIMENT week"

WTF?????????

A Happy Schmoopey Kittie

I have been given a task today:

"I want you to put what you are feeling right now, today ... put into words"

I have been given the choice to either blog it or email. I figure since I have subjected you all, to months of maudlin, whiny stuff that, I figured this would be a nice change of pace ....

Things have been going so well for us. We have been together for roughly 4 months now ... WOW! .. four months ... it seems like yesterday and forever, all at the same time.

We kik all day long & we skype almost every night. We don't always play & I am not always given tasks. Alot of times we just talk .. about what is going on in the moment, the future, the past, whatever. Like two "normal" human beings! O.O

Today is a heavy task day ... not heavy stuff but tasks\at regular intervals\throughout the day .. with pictures *wink wink*

It has made me reflective ... about my submission. I try to be submissive every day but really I don't know that I THINK about it every day.

Today, I am thinking about what it means to me ... being His submissive, it is what I am to write about.

I am happy .. I am schmooepey*.

Every day, we grow closer ... as a couple. And we grow closer as a Dom & sub.

I want to make Him happy .. I want to make Him proud, even if it means doing things that I am not necessarily too keen on doing. It's about pleasing Him and that makes me happy.

I am very attuned to my submissive self right now. I couldn't be happier. It almost feels like being enveloped in a warm blanket .. I feel cozy, warm & safe. And more contented and happy than I could have ever imagined.

I am loved and I love in return.

There are no outside forces pulling either of us apart (distance & time are but minor nuisances).

We are very protective of each other ... He makes sure that I am taking care of myself. He lets me be "bossy" when it comes to Him taking care of Himself as well.

I inspire Him and He plays with me.

The fact that we can talk about everything & anything is amazing too. There is such freedom in knowing that the person you are with, wants to know what you have to say ... wants to know how you are feeling .. even if it is not so good. And we are really developing excellent communication skills when misunderstandings happen .. and let face it, they will happen. But we nip in it the bud pretty quickly & move on.

I feel so free right now ... like there is nothing I can't do or I can't say. It's so amazing. I don't have to hide. There is no shame. I am me!

And the best part is that He is just as much mine as I am His ... And He makes sure I know it, every hour of every day. That is the best feeling in the world. Knowing without a shadow of a doubt that He is not going anywhere.

So I am, right now, feeling FULL ... full of Love, of submissiveness, pride, faith, joy, contentment, anticipation, wonder, awe, & schmoopiness. I am fair to burstin' !!!!

(not to mention very aroused & excitable as I have been edging every 2 hours too!!!)

We are learning and growing ... together. And there is no greater feeling in the world. 

(PS .. I am VERY schmoopey right now! *giggles*) 

****Schmoopey is a word I stole from my bestie .. it pretty much means all the lovey dovey romantical stuff., all rolled up into a single word. Sir Wolf likes it too *winks*

A Long Way to Go

I have been giving  a task today ..... well tasks I guess.

And the first thoughts out of my lazy brain?

...... I don't feel like it.

What? Really?

But I complied..

And I am doing it but ... my mind *sighs*

He kinda called me on it and asked .... "am I irritating you/"

"Am I irritating you?" hmmmm ... good question.

No, He is not ... but I am irritating me.

Well I am not mad or resentful or anything like that. I am just being lazy

And it really has gotten me to thinking about my submission.

Not that I don't want it because I do .. I absolutely do. And I want to be the best sub I can possibly be for him (no, I know that nobody is perfect & there are always going to be "those" days)

But I need to school my mind.

To always try to be more pleasing ... to be more submissive.\Not just during play but all the time.

And I realized just how far I still have to go.
(but I will always keep going ,,, I am perpetually a work in progress!)

Happiness Is .......

Sir Wolf: honestly if it's better than maybe the plug for an hour

me: plugged & collared & ready to do chores

Sir Wolf's happy kittie!

.... just sayin'

Second Anniversary

I got a little bit behind on a couple of posts I have been working on: 

From Thursday 13 February 2014 ..... 


I just realized today is my second anniversary!!!

It was 2 years ago today that I gained my freedom .. finally free from a 71/2 year co-dependency with my last ever vanilla boyfriend.

He was 18 years my junior. He was only 20 when we met .. full of cockiness that I always seem to go for. But all you Cougar wannabes out there trust me when I say .. younger ain't always better .. TRUE STORY!!!

In that 71/2 years .. he never worked  (well probably all the time he did work would not have added up to a full year). He literally felt he didn't have to work .. even though he knew what an extra burden it had put on me. A truly selfish ass.

He "left me" .. for another woman. And when I shut that door on him for the final time, all I could think of to say was "Well he's HER problem now!" Good riddance!

Best thing that ever happened to me.

You are all probably thinking, WHY did you put up with such a loser. I have no good answer to that. The Gods know that I kicked him out at least 3 times a year for 7 years, but he always came back & I always caved. It's funny how you can talk yourself into just about anything huh?

But yes, 2 years ago .. on the 14th of February .. that STOOPID commercial holiday .. I was truly free. Free from the deadbeat & free from that old life. And it was fucking AWESOME!!!

Coincidentally , TODAY is the 2nd anniversary for me & my homosexual life mate .. THE BRAT! And we celebrating by trooping (and a stop in Ikea).  *giggles*

For that first full year . I didn't need anybody or want anybody in my life. I immersed myself in my Star Wars stuff ... met more people, gained a social life that I had not had in such a long time & had a blast! Everybody noticed too .. even those who did not know me that well, commented that I seemed so much happier, & carefree. Goes to show what losing 200lbs of dead weight will do for you!

This year, exploring my submissive side has been quite the rollercoaster ride. It has not been easy and I still feel alot of pain and sadness but still I am who I want to be & heading in the right direction that I started just a little over 2 years ago when I finally became free! And I wouldn't change a thing (well that's not true .. there is that one thing I would change but ain't nothing I can do about that!!!!)

Let's Talk About Sex!!!! (this is a sex blog right?????)

This is the story of mine first time with Former D & my first real adventure down the rabbit hole (Mr Experience sooooo did not even rate!) . Why? Because I am sick of all my depressing bullshit & well .. it was REALLY HAWT!

We had made plans to meet for coffee ... the proper thing to do when meeting somebody for the first time. Right?!?!  But my Former D, well he was a naughty one & thought it would be sexy & fun to meet at a sex shop instead. My poor vanilla mind!!!! Then changed his mind again!!!! "if I had my way, I would meet you half naked!"

My response ... "for coffee?!?!?!?" *giggles*

So that's what we did. A scant 3 weeks after we had started talking (on POF of all places), we had a date at my house. This is how he wanted our first meeting to go. We were going to talk & get to know one anothers' limits, & expectations, oh & he may or may not fuck me. ... at my house, with me half naked! o.O

He was very good ... I could have a safe call etc,and I had my safe words. He did ask that if I had changed my mind, to say RED, then give him a few minutes & he would walk out the door, no questions asked. Or if I needed to I could say YELLOW, he would immediately retreat, sit in a chair & await with his eyes closed for me to either come to him or ask him to leave. I found that to be all very overwhelming but was still very eager for this to transpire.

I was to be wearing lingerie (stocking optional) and nothing else. I was to have candles lit, my collar & my favourite toy (hitachi!!!) laid out, camera & music optional. CAMERA!!! Oh boi oh boi! Oh yes and don't forget the scarves & condoms!!!!! (a last minute detail HE had forgotten)

I was sooooo nervous all day (directed to wear no panties at all until I dressed for him), and sooooooooo wet, of course I was not to touch myself all day either. We were sending emails back & forth all day long .. the anticipation building!

I took a long time getting ready deciding what to wear, what to do with my rat's nest (hair) .. make up or no make up. I am not a big one for make up ... I hardly ever wear it so I decided I was not going to wear it that night either. This is me .. like it or leave it!

I decided on my black leather corset and black spanky pants (I don't think that's actually what they are called .. black panties with the ruffles on the butt!). I straightened my hair (it takes forever to do!) & I got dressed.

There was another email .. he is running about 30 minutes late. I was getting more & more nervous & wetter & wetter. But never once thought of cancelling - I wanted this sooooo bad, although I really had no clue what THIS was.

I had everything ready. I just had to get into "position" for when he knocked on the door. The anticipation was building .. I didn't know what to do with myself so I waiting & peeked out my kitchen window (curtains partially opened). We had exchanged pictures so I did know what he looked like & vice versa but it's not the same. I was meeting a virtual stranger for the first time .. in my house, in my skivvies .. fancy skivvies at that! But I had no idea what kind of car he drove etc etc. But when he did drive into my parking lot (well actually first he drove past it & had to double back) .. I just KNEW. I waited til he pulled into my parking spot then I ran into the living & got into position.

So there I was, on all 4's ... ass up, head down & arms out in front of me. This is how he wanted me to greet him! I could barely control my breathing as I waiting. I think I jumped a little bit as the door bell announced his arrival .. he waited about 30 secs then let himself in. I ceased to hear the music playing ... all I could hear was him, all my focus was on him. He would be able to see at least part of me as the living room is straight back from the front hall. He took off his coat & hung it up & then his boots. It seems like forever before I could hear him pad silently down the hall. I swear I stopped breathing as he stood there just to the left of me and I know by this point I was visibly trembling. Wondering how this was all going to play out ... our little talk (of course talking was the last thing on my mind - actually I think my mind had shut down by then) .............

to be continued .....................................