Dear Naughty Prince Charming,

You went there ... you DELIBERATELY fucked with my mind, knowing full well the effect you would have on me, you went there.

And then you abandoned me. I have no idea where you went or why.

I am left feeling hurt, angry & confused. You are the last person I would have ever expected this from. You who values and expects, no, demands openness & honesty. Very shocking of you & not very manly, I must say.

Sure, I am not stupid, I know the reality of the situation would make it next to impossible to ever have the type of relationship I would have LOVED to have with you. You knew how I felt & how vulnerable I am. I have opened up myself to you, even stating how dangerous I actually think you are. I don't know .. maybe you thought of that as some sort of challenge???

But you loved my quirkiness (I actually think you NEED that in your life) and I did intrigue you no small amount. I could understand why you wouldn't want to take it any further though .. whether distance, or personal conflict or even the fact that you do not find me physically attractive (I AM after all an acquired tasted - although very addictive once tried).

Well, you ARE in my head now and I can't get you out of it! :(

But your silence is deafening. I am very shocked and saddened that I didn't even rate any sort of explanation for your silence. (I do hope that everything is all right with you though.)

What I really miss though, is your friendship and somewhat "mentoring". You have been a voice of reason & calm for me this past 2 months ... someone I thought I could always count, & I am really feeling that loss now.

I don't know .. maybe some day you will explain it all to me.

Dazed and Confused,

Lost Kittie

The Wheel is Turning but the Hamster's Dead!

I am a moon child. I live by my emotions.

This is usually a good thing .. mostly. Sometimes .. not so much.

I have been spending too much time in my head. It happens when I go decompress at my cottage for a couple of days. Too much thinking .. turning things over & over in your head.

Will I ever find another Dom .. one that I need? That will be good to me .. for me? Will I ever be submissive .. submissive enough? Will I ever get beyond my own demons?  Am I just a poser? A phony? A fraud?


Spinning & spinning around in my head. Driving me crazy!

I saw this over at tumblr today ... http://herliege.tumblr.com/post/50907400408/you-are-mine . WOW! And guess what .. it really made me think ... Oh Great!

"You are Mine" ... it is a delicious 3 little worlds. And very scary. Way too scary for somebody new like me. Don't get me wrong. If I met the right Dom .. I would like to think that I could & would be very happy to hear those words. I think. I guess it's not something you can really know unless you're in the moment .. right?! (anyway .. I thought it was a really good post .. thanks to herliege!!!!)

I don't know .. sometimes this all feels like a kinky fairy tale & I am waiting for my Naughty Prince Charming. HEH!  yeah

Too much thinking .. not enough feeling. It sucks!!!!!

Then today, my boss forgot a very important rule at work ... that I don't give a fuck. You gonna push me .. I will fucking push back. The battle has begun (tomorrow I meet with EAP) *grrrr*

Yeah too much time in my head = a lot of negativity & bad vibes. I am a moon child ... we NEED peace, love & happiness!!! No more thinking!!!  >:(

Lost Kittie

PS - But on a plus ... I actually contacted somebody on fetlife ,,,, somebody local .. not just the same continent but the same city!!!!

I said ... HI .,.. ooooh! Look out world! *rolls eyes*