I Don't Get It! (and don't like it much either)

Ok so, I have been back on tumblr for a couple of weeks & saw that the Wolf was back at it ... with a new "love of his life" "best thing that ever happened to him" (second one in 2 years)

... and I lurked, for most of those couple of weeks, watching what he posted & what she posted (so comical how much alike she & I are).

I knew I shouldn't .. just shove him in to the past & never look back (I have learned that I hold grudges & am not good at the whole forgive & forget thing) & so I finally did it on Sunday ... unfollowed his tumblr.

And it felt good. I didn't have to see his (or hers) shit come across my tumblr anymore. I liked it.

Then late last night .... He starts following me! WTF!?!?!?!?!?

WHY WHY WHY????

I mean when he dropped me .. he literally threw me to the curb & never looked back. Not a peep from him, was ever heard again (not even when 2 days after he dropped me, my Grandmother dies & I just really needed, at the very least, his condolences .. that he still cared even just a little bit). But nope, nadda, zilch!

I mean it's been well over 2 years. There are thousands of tumblrs out there with much better pages than mine. So why????

Oh I know I should block him (and I will) but that curious cat in me keeps saying "not yet. Let's see what he does next. We NEED our REVENGE (aka closure)"

*sighs*

But really ... I just don't understand why he would feel the need to do that.

Nowhere Man

"She's a real nowhere man
  Sitting in her nowhere land
  Making all her her nowhere plans
  For nobody"

Wow .. just a little over a year to the day since my last post. I honestly didn't really think I would be back but here I am.

Things went from bad to worse since then too. I stopped working a year ago on Valentine's Day ... my health issues just became too great. That has been a fun odyssey I can tell you. I applied for "long term disability" (2 years is long term apparently) .. I didn't get approved until the first of November. It got pretty bad ... on the 31st of October I had $27 to my name & utility companies (phone, hydro, gas etc etc) all ready to disconnect ... the next day I got paid! THANK THE MAKER! I went from $27 to +10 grand overnight ... so grateful for retroactive pay!

Just because that wasn't fun enough .. my Dad had heart surgery in May. The repairs to his heart went well but there were other complications from the surgery. He was in a coma for 10 days, ICU for 17 days, 21 days at the Heart Institute, 10 days at his local hospital, 10 days back at the heart institute (after his hospital fucked him up) and then back to local hospital for another 10 days before he was finally allowed to go home ... 2 months to the day after his surgery. I spent most of that time with my mother ... she was so afraid that "he wasn't gonna make it" .. I swear every time the phone rang at home that first week she screamed. He is still recovering slowly but surely. I doubt he will ever be "back to normal"

So yeah 2017 pretty much sucked big time. It's still too early for 2018. I am having issues with my liver & spleen that has my Dr sending to specialists up the ying yang ... hopefully it's nothing too serious, and he is pretty sure that Lupus is back in the mix. *sighs*

So really, I have definitely not dated or even looked. I haven't wanted to. After the Wolf & my Batman ... I had had enough anyway. I literally spent the past 18-24 months deciding that I have turned in to an IT .... no sexual desire, no romantical desire & certainly no submissive desire. I was just don't ... well & truly DONE.

Now ... well the physical desires are back (like within the past couple of weeks) but OMG I am so tired. I don't know if I can go thru any of this anymore. I can't keep giving & giving & giving only to keep being given the heave ho (heh, literally).

My body & my mind are screaming for somebody to come & love me but my heart is saying a big old FUCK YOU .. we are NOT going down that path again!

Scared and scarred ... that is me to a T.

I started going on tumblr again regularly. Of course the first things I see are from the Wolf .. he's already moved on from the one he dumped me for (who was vanilla I believe) to a new kitten *rolls eyes* .. I swear her tumblr page is a carbon copy of my own. Yes I know I shouldn't have looked but morbid curiosity & all that. It took everything in my power NOT to say anything to either of them. I finally unfollowed him though (seriously curiosity killed the cat & it was to the point that I HAD to look) & it feels so much better not to have to see his smug bullshit and her naive devotion. Of course after the fact, I realize that he is nothing but a user. In the past 4 years he has declared his undying love to 3 women. Obviously somebody does NOT know the meaning of the word love or as he likes to say to all of us that he has tossed aside "I am just not feeling it anymore, sorry". Or maybe it's me ... I am somebody who does not take the L word lightly! Don't say it unless you really fucking mean it!

Ok sorry rant over .. apparently I had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, where does this leave me? I do not know .... perpetually alone, perpetually horny (my wand is just not helping), yet unwilling and unable to let myself get hurt again.

It is very frustrating and I have nobody to really talk to about it ... so I find myself back here .. on old faithful. Nothing kinky or exciting to tell ... just more whining & bitching. I should change the name of my blog.

Well, thank you for listening blogoverse. I would like us to be friends again but baby steps ok?


xoxoxox

Nowhere Man.

To Blog or not to Blog??

I do miss blogging but really I have not had much to write about ...

So do I keep it going or just let it die?

My life has sucked for quite awhile now.

My Batman ... up & left. Things were happening in his personal life (with his woman) and I didn't hear from him for 2 months. When he did come back ... I was not mad per se but I was upset because due to the nature of our dynamic, I had no idea what was happening with him ..  he could literally die & I would never know it. So fear (but gratitude) made me guarded & short with my replies. And when I told him why .. how hard it was not knowing if I would ever hear from him .. boom, he left without a word .. or he died .. I don't know.  Oh well, not much i can do about it. But it's the last thing I would have think that he would do ... so not who he is.

I do miss him .. I always miss him but I am done chasing him (or anybody else down) ... I am done with all that. That was in November.

But my fibro ... has been kicking my ass so bad for months I cease to care much about anything anymore. I am so defeated by it at the moment. I have only managed to go to work a handful of times in the past 2 months. I am going to end up in the poor house before I get better. I have no support from my so-called medical team & I feel so alone.

I feel like I am literally trapped .. in my house, in my body. I have become an "it" & beyond caring about anything.

Top that off, 2 weeks ago I slipped on the ice on my walkway & busted my left wrist .. fun. So now I get to do everything one handed. Good excuse to not wear a bra though! ;)

But things are looking up (hopefully)

My Brat is coming home tomorrow!!! *happy dance* He has been studying in Germany for the past six months. We are in constant contact online but it's just not the same. He will bug me out of this fibro funk! And we have an addition .. he just celebrated his one year anniversary with his boyfriend .. my Bratty Cupcakes (he is a baker) and together they are my BratPack.

I impulsively sent my Batman an email the other night. I just wanted to let him know that how he left was hurtful & so unlike him .. but I also thanked him for coming back in to my life & for his friendship. Nobody makes me laugh like he can ... I am going to miss that most of all.

But it was closure. I wrote it .. I sent it & then I threw it away (figuratively) & I swear to Gods ... an hour later I got a message on fetlife from somebody I had talked to earlier in the ye. ar. We are meeting for coffee tomorrow night (if I am not too sick) .. and then yesterday ... 2 more messages came in. Both interesting fellows in their own rights.

I am not really looking for anything. To be honest, I have had the energy nor the desire to even consider going forward in any sort of relationship .. vanilla or otherwise. I just don't know if I have it in me anymore. I am learning (again) to be happy on my own. I don't want to be emotionally invested in anything or anybody outside my own circle of friends.

But I am not closing the door ... I am just taking it day by day, and see what happens. My first instinct was to say no to going for coffee with the first guy, not because of him but because of me & my mindset but I forced myself to say yes. He is a very nice man & shutting myself away is not going to do me any good.

Yeah .. so that is the latest update. I would like to say that I will keep it up but honestly .. who knows, I hope so .. I guess I will just have to take it day by day. ;)

I DO miss you, Blogland.

Why is that?

Why is it that when I (as a sub) am "horny" (really hate that word) & there is nobody around to take care of my needs .... do I not just want to masturbate but I want it all ... to be beaten (self inflicted but directed ouchies), plugged, clamped, stuffed with dildo to the hilt, gagged, bound AND then take my wand & go to town???? (and even then it's still not as much fun alone)

Why??? Anybody?

(yes myBatman is still around, just uber busy at the moment)

STAR WARS!!!!! (spoiler alert for those who have NOT seen the Force Awakens)

I have two Star Wars Questions!!! Yaaaay!

First from mc kitten

I'd like to know how your Star Wars trooping is going!

It's going really great. We have been so busy in the past year, we did well over 100 troops in 2015. I guess with all the hype from the Force Awakens made us even more sought after.

Me, personally, I did not do as much trooping as I would have liked. I did get to go to Star Wars Celebration (a SW only convention) in Anaheim last April. That was NUTS. But it seemed to me that I missed more troops then I went to. I am not really liking that trend. I don't know how much of that I could blame on my fibromyalgia or just laziness? I seem to be forever tired(exhausted)! The passion for trooping & all things Star Wars is still there, it's just a matter of getting my body to cooperate!

And from DelFonte

What did you think of the new Star Wars movie? 

Boy oh boy ... that's a loaded question! ha ha ... I will try to keep it brief (trust me I have had conversations on this for hours at a time).

I have seen the movie 6 times (I think it has finally left theatres now though - booooo).

The first time I saw it was at the premier. I did troop it of course. Funny story, none of my fellow troopers and I actually had tickets to go see the premier (long story there & a massive mix up), but we wouldn't miss trooping such an event anyway. But about 10 mins after the premier started the manager of the theatre rounded up 8 tickets for a lucky few of us. I was one of the "lucky" ones. So there were a couple of Jedi and a couple of stripped down (to their black underarm our ... think head to toe black spandex) ... all sitting in the front row. It was a very interesting way to view what we had all been so anxiously awaiting. We came in about 20 minutes into the movie & I do not recommend watching a 3D movie from the front row. It was a very interesting & very distorted viewing.

I can honestly say it is NOT my favourite of all the Star Wars movies. I intensely hated Kylo Ren at first ... he was quickly dubbed as EMO Ren. I thought his temper tantrums were silly. But after eventual viewings I kind of had made this back story for him. He obviously has Daddy issues ... and was too immature when he fell to the dark side. He has strength in the force but has not been properly trained & was left to run wild with it. I think he is probably relatively young as well.

All in all, it's a great movie. I absolutely LOVE Rey .. she had better turn out to be Luke's daughter or I will seriously be pissed.

I hate hate hate the whole idea of the "big weapon" .. totally unbelievable plot there.

Alot of people think it's just "A New Hope" revisited but I don't see it. Of course there is similarities but there kind of has to be ... they had to introduce new characters & incorporate what has already happened.

I love the whole "Where's Luke" vibe (think Where's Waldo)

The whole Poe/Finn being gay thing ... is (hopefully) just wishful thinking on the fans part. I really think Poe/Finn/Rey trio was really over hyped & contrived to match the Han/Luke/Leia trio. It didn't really work for me ... Poe was just not really a big enough character. I don't see the "connection" between Poe & Finn & really hope they do not try to force the whole "gay" thing just for the sake of doing the "whole gay thing" ... I thought Rey & Finn had tons of chemistry together. But then again Rey just about bonded with everybody she met.

Oh heavens ... I could ramble on for days ... I will spare you that! ;)

Suffice to say ... I did love it and am already counting down the days (and hiding from the countless rumors) to Ep  VIII

~~~~~

Thank you both for the questions!

Misty's Questions

From Misty


1. Has there been any more talk about switching? Have your feelings on the subject changed at all?

Good question!

There has been some more talking about "switch day" or as I like to call it "kittie appreciation day" but for the past couple of weeks MyBatman has been very busy & has been really ill with a nasty sinus infection. We haven't had much of a chance to play at all. He does really like the idea. It does excite us both. He thinks I would be a very evil Domme but no my feelings have not really changed on the subject. I will never like humiliation or feminizing of men. However, I am still most interested in visiting on Him some of the things He visits on me. He LOVES when I hurt myself for him BUT He does not "like pain" Himself. I am eager to do just a small fraction to Him that He does to me. He loves having me snap elastic bands on my thighs or boobs ..... so yeah, it will be a FUN day when switch day comes around.


2. If you could go on vacation anywhere where would it be?

Definitely my cottage. I have been to alot of interesting places in my career (Iceland, Norway, numerous islands in the Caribbean, to name but a few) ... but I have always come back to my cottage. There really is no place like home. Although ... winters on Maui would be divine!!! :D

3. If you could meet a celebrity (dead or alive) who would it be? 

Paul McCartney .. hands down,  Such a brilliant mind & talent. I did (last year) get to meet & acted like a total fan girl .. Mark Hamil .. twice! I have had a crush on him since 1977 so it was a definite bucket list moment.

Thanks so much for the questions Misty!!!!

Oooo!!! It's March Q&A time!

I had literally forgot about this.

I have been gone for too long!

So I am game if anybody has any questions ... shoot! :D

Never Gonna Be Anything Other Than Me

I know I know .. the title of this post is full of suggestion, but those who know me .. know I am unapologetically me.

But really that's not what I am talking about.

I am talking about the ol' switcheroonie.

It has been quite the topic of conversation for the past week.

switch ...

top...

domme ...

MEH!

I have no desire to be any of those things.

MyBatman does agree, even thinks I would be a "diabolical" top, that I don't have it in me to be a Domme.

And He is absolutely right.

I don't ... and ...

I don't ever want to.

Besides He has a Domme .. why would He ever want another? Why would I even want to be?? (I wouldn't)

BUT ...

I cannot lie, He set me to a task (we have not implemented thus far ... I am in no hurry), a task to my mind .. is insurmountable. I am doomed to never ending failure. Would I try to do it? Of course I would ... for Him.

It got me thinking though. (never a good thing) IF I were ever permitted a Switch Day .. I would call it Kittie Appreciation Day & I would visit on my good Dom the things He has me do.

Like putting an elastic band around each thigh & snapping it 10 times ... allowing Him to play with Himself if it helps ... but "you better not fucking cum"

Or taking a ruler and spanking Himself on the inner thighs ... across His ass .. under His ass ... all the while twisting His nipples as hard as He can - PURPLE NURPLES!!!!

Sticking things into places that they ought to go.

Yes .. the kittie CAN be diabolical ... well, as diabolical as her Batman is anyway.

And it would be DELIGHTFUL!!!!

But that is as far as I would go because me being me ... I like to have fun. I do like pain it is true BUT I do not like humiliation, or just plain old being mean.

MyBatman did ask me if I thought that once I had a taste of the "top" life if I would want to stay that way.

I personally know a couple of subs that this has happened to. But no, it is NOT me.

Although I have limited knowledge (what I have seen on here, tumblr & fet .. okay porn too) but I do not like Dommes ... they scare me.

 (this is VERY generally speaking I do not mean to offend) ...

It always seems to me that they are always out to prove themselves BETTER than men. Feminists gone WILD.  Men & women dig it & I am down with that .. but it's just not for me.

I have no desire to see a man dressed in any articles of women's clothing ... not panties, or nylons (I fucking hate nylons & am now made to wear them on Fridays *sighs*), bras, school girl uniforms .. whatever.

And I don't do humiliation, it's a hard limit for me.

I have spent my whole life putting myself down .. I have no wish to have somebody else bring those demons back .. nor would I intentionally do that to another person.

Nope, I am quite happy to be little sub kittie named geeky .. more little than sub (well I just like to have fun so I think I have some little qualities).

*clears throat*

So, in conclusion ... I don't want to "switch" ... I just want a "kittie appreciation day".

Luckily MyBatman knows me well enough (sometimes even
better than I think He does) and He will give me my day,  & He knows exactly what He will get. He does not like pain .. but He will hurt ... for me.

... and it will be joyous.

Switch

MyBatman is in a FemDom relationship with another. 

MyBatman is all Dom with me. 

MyBatman is an amazing Dom.

MyBatman has a very devilish imagination. 

MyBatman loves to give me self-inflicted ouchies.

MyBatman does not like pain himself.

MyBatman thinks i would be "diabolical" as a top. 

MyBatman knows that i would not do anything to Him that He hasn't done to me. 

MyBatman is more than a little excited & nervous at the thought of "switching things up" 

MyBatman should be nervous. 

*winks*

Well Now ... This is New!!!

We are back to the daily bathroom task.

When we were together before, MyBatman always gave me a task at work. 11am everyday, I would go to the private bathroom & do ... something.

This is back. The other day, the task involved a cold can of Pepsi & a "cool down" task .. I was cold for the rest of the day.

His favourite is having me snap an elastic to either my thigh or better still ... my boobs. Ouch!

... I did NOT miss the elastics.

This morning, He informs me that tomorrow I am to wear an "old pair of panties that I don't mind getting ruined"!!!!!

OH MY!

And all I got out of Him about that was,

"this week's theme is UNDER"

... & was sent off to the bathroom to slap the UNDER side of my boobs ... 10 times each with a ruler (I have a rubber ruler ... OUCH!)

....  We have themes now. Sir????

Indeed we do kittie, he replies ... " and just wait til CONDIMENT week"

WTF?????????

Sometimes They Come Back ... (at least they try)

Heh ... I forgot about this post .... It has been sitting in my drafts since .. well, for over a year .. Nov 2014

I think it's pretty funny, considering the blog post I just wrote.

But I do have to agree with this as well.

Some people are just not worth it ............... but some definitely are!

*giggles*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my lifetime, there have been several occasions where somebody that I use to go out with/date or just fuck have come back into my life ... or tried to.

The latest is probably the worst. He didn't want me when we were together .. just ask him, he'd tell you "We were not together" ... even though ...

For the past 2 years now .. he has tried to wrangle an invitation for a visit. He lives on the east coast. Three times he has done this now.

The latest was just a couple of weeks ago.

But my question is ... why?

I obviously wasn't good enough for you to begin with so what makes you think you are good enough for me now?

You are not.

Apparently I am an "awesome" person.

I guess they should have thought of that BEFORE they dumped me huh?

And what do they expect? That I am going to jump for joy now that they do think I am worth it?

Fuck no!

You had your chance Sucka!

2016 .. Where Everything Old is New Again

I have not felt like writing in such a very long time .. I didn't really have anything to write about.

Life was good. I had my Wolf & we were very happy .. not really D/s but really happy. Or so I thought ....

Early in Sept ... I was tossed out like yesterday's trash. Literally just like that. 

September was the worse time in my life ... one catastrophic event after another. There were times I didn't think I would survive .. there were other times, when I didn't want to. 

But I did ... thankfully, I have a great support network with my friends. They were not going to let me go down. And slowly I started getting back to the things I love (Star Wars SAVED me again). 

Enough of that bullshit though. He did break me ... I will never be the same again but I am a survivor.

I have survived & I am out for fun! Fuck all that other shit. I am sick of letting myself get hurt ... 

But that being said ... weird things have happened. 

As the title suggests ... Everything old IS new again .....

In these past 3 years (GADS! It's been 3 years?!?!?!?!?!?!) since I stumbled down the rabbit hole .. there are only 2 men I have truly considered my Dom(s) ... that's right FormerD and myBatman. 

I only recently, this past May, made my peace with myBatman. It's kind of funny looking back though ... we have had very infrequent but nonetheless, did have communications with each other. I remember during the whole lockdown/terror attack in my city, He emailed me ... worried that I was in peril. I did thank Him but in the end told Him to leave me alone. I know .. what a bitch ... seriously. 

And FormerD .. we check in with each other occasionally. The last being last April when He just happened to be online at the same time as me. There has never been any ill will between us. About a year after He went back to His wife, I sent him a big email .. thanking Him for "introducing" me to the lifestyle & I told him all about my trials & tribulations after He was out of the picture. 

In my delirium of September, I was at my cottage alone when I emailed formerD .. it went something like this ....

"I am free .... if You are still interested" 

I am kinda dumb like that in my grief. (Did I mention my Grandmother died exactly one week AFTER I got so ungraciously dumped? ... like I said, HORRIBLE time in my life). 

I really could have used a good session with FormerD! He sent a quick email about a week later ... "not a good time but maybe soon" .. typical. 

I digress .... suffice it to say I have had communications with both of them in the past. 

In early, December I was Facebooking (at work as usual), when I read something that struck me as really funny & immediately made me think of myBatman ... so as joke & it had been a while ... I sent him the link. 

Much to my surprise, we are still talking today .... lots of talking, lots of horrible teasing (from both of us) ... the occasional Domming of the kittie as well. But His life is the same, & He does not that to change. I can't fault Him for that. But it is sooooooo good to have Him back in my life, in any capacity.  I would be hard pressed to lose that friendship again! It's worth fighting for. 

A couple of weeks ago (I don't know WTF was going on) .. in the space of 3 days I got 6 new messages on Fetlife. I have been pretty much inactive on Fet for the past couple of years. It's not really my thing .. at least when it comes to the locals & their scene. It felt like I was getting punked or something. I couldn't understand. Of course, all the while I was telling myBatman all about it & how odd it was that it was happening now ... He was laughing at me & saying that He would need to take a number just to be able to talk to me. Ha! Unlikely. 

In the midst of this ... who decides to pop in for a chat (online of course) ... FormerD!!!

HOLY HANNA! 

Geekie had hit the jackpot! Her two most favouritest Doms & 6 "spares" all at the same time. 

Wooo Hooo .. the Ego has landed. ha ha ha

... seriously though, it was so nice to have all that attention heaped on me all at once, for a change.

And fuck it .. I DESERVED IT! 

I was honest too (at least with my 2 Doms) .... telling Batman about FormerD & vice versa. Poor Batman must have gotten bit by abit of jealously though cuz almost immediately He went all Dom on me. That lasted for over a week & then He got slamed with work & then went away for the long weekend. But it's a new week & we are golden.

FormerD ... well, He does talk the talk but unfortunately His biggest obstacle in time .. He never has any! And I have had the added stipulation that my house is off limits for the unforeseeable future (another issue from the dreaded month of September) ... So if He wants to get together He has to give me about 24 hours notice so I can book a hotel etc. So yeah .. some day .. maybe. But whatever! 

As for the 6 strangers from Fetlife ... 3 I actually messaged back. One is a definite no .. I am just sorta, playing along with his little game, but not interested. One I haven't heard from in about 4 days ... he is a little bit too much like myBatman (He agrees too) and the third .. well we are working on setting up a coffee date in the near future. *shrug* he seems like an ok dude. But I have no expectations & really .. he would have to be pretty amazing to make me want to go down that road again. 

At least with FormerD & myBatman ... they know me & I know them. I trust them. I don't know .. it's established (I don't know how else to describe it) 

And I won't allow either of them to hurt me. (not that they would intend to, I know) 

Now if only I could roll them both in to one person made especially for me ..... *sighs* 

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays

Before everybody gets busy with the holiday season, I just wanted to take a moment & wish you all a happy & safe holiday season.

I hope it is wonderful for you all.

1914 - The Carol of Christmas

EUREKA!!! We have lift off!!!

We finally had a chance to "experiment" with the new we vibe 4 yesterday.

Once the set up was complete, it was easy peasy.

At first He wasn't sure if He would be able to connect with the vibe because it goes thru bluetooth.

(there we were both thinking that perhaps we should have set it up BEFORE he went home).

But both our phones needed to download the app & my phone had to sync with the vibe .. then we made a "love connection" between our phones (seriously my phone kept telling me my lover had control) ...

Then POOF like magic the little vibe that could ... did! It started vibing in it's little stand & MyWolf was excited for His new toy.

"Put it in."

And it's show time.

I don't know who had more fun on Skype ... Him watching me, as He played with the different settings (which I could watch on my phone but "My Lover has control" or me watching His face light up with delight as He played.)

After all is said in done .... we definitely have a fun new toy to play with.

I can't wait til we play without the benefit of skype!

There's an APP for THAT?!?!?!?!

the We Vibe 4

This is the sex toy MyWolf got me for Christmas!!! We had fun playing with it. But I suspect He will have more fun playing with it from Texas. 

As far as I know, this is the first sex toy that comes complete with it's own app!

Perfect for the LDR's. 

MyWolf can control it from where ever He may be .. including out in the oil fields of Texas.

We have not had a chance to put it thru it's paces via the app yet because MyWolf has been working none stop since He got home from His visit but I am sure once He gets an opportunity He will be all over that app. 

I will most definately post the results! ;) 

The link for anybody who is interested: 

We Vibe 4 Plus

Snow, Poutine AND Beaver Tails!!!

My Wolf & I had another excellent weekend together, although all too soon it was over & He was on the way back to Texas.

He flew in on Friday. It was so much fun to meet Him at the airport. I have never really had a chance to do that before. Wait for a loved one to walk thru those security gates at the airport. I quite liked it!

Very exciting.

We rented a car for the weekend. And much to His utter joy ... we got a Dodge Charger. He is a truck man from way back but only in the past few months has been thinking about buying a Charger .. this was the perfect opportunity for a long test run. He was very impressed. Not to mention, discovering the joy of heated seats! ;)

Christmas came early at our house ... literally as soon as we got home from the airport. I am a very spoilt kittie.

There was a new sex toy (that deserves it's own post)
A new tablet
Some Star Wars figures
AND ....

this wonderful Man of mine, conspired with one of my besties & got me a CUSTOM MADE LIGHTSABER!!!!

OH MY! He certainly does know His way to this girl's heart! Seriously ,.. talk abut shock & awe!

I got Him (okay really me) a new flogger.

Oh how I have missed being flogged. Is it just me? I just love the flogger .. I find it relaxes me.

He was less impressed with his "wookie" bathrobe though ... although He did wear it & found it nice & fuzzy & warm. ;)

It did not go back to Texas (but then He doesn't need it there)

But the best gift (according to Him) was "free" ... I gave Him a set of my dog tags (real from my military days). Free but priceless on the sentimental scale. I am kinda schmoopey like that.

And my girlfriend literally cried when she saw it!

Oh and of course I got Him lots of snow too! ;)

Anywho ...

It was a jammed packed weekend.

Saturday night, we went out to a Brazilian BBQ with my favourite people. It was so awesome to see everybody bonding & getting along so well. Even MyWolf & MyBrat had a private bonding moment!!!

It was a fun filled night, full of great conversations & lots of laughter, oh & an endless stream of meat on "swords" ... We went out for coffee afterwards. I seriously thinking we could have went all night.

On Sunday we drove down to my hometown for the ritual "meet the parents" event .... after we stopped to get some poutine.

(for those who don't know ... poutine is a french Canadian specialty, french fries & cheese curds, smothered in gravy)

poutine

MyWolf LOVES poutine (they haven't even really heard of cheese curds in Texas!!!!!)

(He only had it 3 times this visit!)

We had a traditional Sunday family dinner with the parent units. It was nice & I think everybody got along really well. They had met before ... one day at the cottage, via skype but apparently it's just not the same as face to face. It was a nice quiet visit.

Finally on Monday, we had the day for ourselves.

YAAAAY!

Sleep in?

Not a chance.

We had to get downtown for His Beaver Tail.

Another delicacy we have here, that is a must for everybody who comes to Ottawa. Even Barrack Obama got a beaver tail when he was here.

a traditional beaver tail with cinnamon sugar

Daddy's Beaver Tail with chocolate & bananas

Apparently, it's the breakfast of champions. ;) 

We did a little bit of shopping. I needed to get His son a Christmas present (anything for video gaming is good). 

And more poutine for lunch ... of course. 

The rest of the day was spent, just packing up his suitcases & lounging around the house. We had to be at the airport at the ungodly hour of 0430 the next morning so we just wanted to relax & enjoy our togetherness. 

And unfortunately, my fibro reared it's ugly head & I ended up with a horrible migraine that took a long while to get under control. *sighs* 

He has never been around when I have been sick before. 

It was amazing. He just cradled me in His arms & tried to soothe the pain away. 

I have never had that before.  

I could get use to it. 

All too soon though, it was time for another farewell. They are so hard.

I had never greeted somebody at the airport before and I had never had to watch somebody leave before either. *sighs* 

It's always so hard to say goodbye .. until the next time, of course. 

YAAAY!!!

We are heading into an awesome weekend!

In approximately 12 hours MyWolf's plane will be landing at the airport.

Silly Daddy wanted to come to Canada ... in DECEMBER!!!!

We will be celebrating lots of milestones this weekend ...

Our first Christmas
Eight months of being together
Our fifth IRL get together
Meeting my parents & my besties.
Poutine & Beaver Tails too!

We are so lucky that, even though, there are approx 3200kms between us (sorry I don't know what it is in miles) ... we have managed to be with each other 4 times already.

I am truly blessed.

Sex & Star Wars. Cosplay in the Kink

I had an interesting (bordering on offensive) conversation with SafeD yesterday morning.

It all started by him sending me a picture of some sort of lightsaber dildos or something ... I don't know really cuz the link didn't work. He said he would put them up on fetlife but I never looked. I don't really care to look.

I have a thing about the dirtying of Star Wars. I don't know .. I just take my Star Wars very seriously, I guess.

But I don't like it.

I see alot of crap on tumblr, far too many selfies of pretty young thangs in the R2D2 bathing suit or naked chicks wearing Darth Vader or Stormtrooper helmets. The worst (for me) is seeing girls with FX lightsabers turned on & shoved up their twats as far as they can go.

I get it .. I do. But no thanks.

SafeD & I pretty much got in to an argument over facebook messaging yesterday. I said I don't do Sex & Star Wars .. the he proceeded to tell me how he got invited to a Star Wars themed play party but it was in Vancouver so obviously couldn't go.

I said I would never go to a play party .. especially a Star Wars themed one.

He couldn't understand my hesitation. "Alot of cosplayers are into kinky fuckery" and "kink doesn't have to be about sex"

To which I pointed out that MOST cosplayers do not do it for charity. I do.

"I have 2 kinky friends, that have Princess Leia costumes"

I don't care ... I have at least 3 friends that "troop" as Slave Leia ... it does not mean they are going to role play,or get their kink on, in them.

In the beginning of my relationship with myWolf ... I was going on a troop & He wanted me to wear my ben wa balls. When I say that, I just sort of stopped & stared at the screen for a couple of minutes.

.. first thinking .. and then choosing my words carefully.

He was disappointed & maybe a little mad at first but He got it in the end.

I did not feel comfortable, no matter how discreetly it was, introducing kink into my weird little Star Wars world. Not when I was going to be around children all day.

We deal with children .. ALOT ... we raise money for charity, mostly children's charity.

To me, it is just wrong to mix the two together.

That moment, with me scrambling, trying to make myself understood to myWolf, was sort of a defining moment. It was the first time I really had my 2 worlds clash.

I do understand that alot of geeks are into kink ... I do understand that there is alot of role playing in kink (not for me though .. just not into it).

I am weird about Star Wars. I take Star Wars very seriously. I have great passion for my trooping and my Star Wars family.

I am a freak when it comes to Star Wars & I wouldn't have it any other way.

And yes I pretty much have put Star Wars as a hard limit.

Trooping is definitely off limits.

myWolf has even been to a troop with us, albeit a very small troop but He gets it. He understands what it means to me & I am so grateful for that.

THIS is why I do what I do

As for SafeD, he is utterly clueless. The man has been in the very public side of this lifestyle for most of his life. Play parties, and multiple play partners etc etc. He can not understand why others in the lifestyle do want to do it too.

Hmmm, the other side of a narrow mind, maybe?  

Anyway, it was just kinda niggling in the back of my mind all day so I thought I would share. 

Happy Monday ;) 

To All My American Friends

Going for the Jugular

Last year, the powers that be at work decided to hire contractors. We have usually have 5, now we are up to 8. They are my minions .. well not mine but they do work in my section & I am "lucky" enough to supervise them far too often.

Just before Christmas last year they hired ASSHOLE minion. I was the trainer at the time & within 30 mins I knew we were in trouble. He is one of THOSE guys ... you know the type, knows everything about everything and everything & knows better than you, especially how to do YOUR job. All within the first 30 minutes of training. Great. I asked management - Hitler .. if we could send him back to the agency cuz he's defective! No such luck.

And in the past 11 months, he has proven himself to be a consummate liar, a cheat (he routinely claims for hours he hasn't worked), malicious, devious, manipulative and a bully (especially to one of the female contractors who almost had a nervous breakdown because of him). And yet he is still there .. lying and cheating and smirking that insufferable smirk.

Yeah I know I don't get it either.

We all hate him .. except for management.

Well this morning, he is happily chatting away with one of our army dudes. Very proud of himself. "You should have seen what me & my friends did last night! It was great"

*side note: his cubicle is right beside mine. Not my choice but we have to keep him away from the other minions because he truly believes he is there lord & master!

Then proceeded to BRAG about how he & his gang vandalized a guy's truck. They spray painted in red paint the word RAT on the side of his truck "With a big rat tail to go with it!"

Little GI Joe was stunned. He turned & looked over at me silently mouthing "WHA?????"

I know ... were we listening to this Asshole confessing to committing a crime? WTF????

"HE HAD IT COMING! HE IS A RAT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH"

I couldn't believe this!

Are people really REALLY that stupid?????

GI Joe just said that no mater what a person did, he would NEVER damage their property like that!

"HE HAD IT COMING! HAHAHAHA"

"Nobody can prove that we did it either"

GI Joe got very uncomfortable & left (back to his own desk .. he share a room with another person).

I was left just sitting there thinking how I couldn't believe this idiot just confessed to a crime! And what am I going to do with this information.

I let it sit for about 30 mins then I went to see GI Joe in his office. I said that I couldn't believe the Asshole was bragging about a crime he committed!!!

GI Joe informed me that he wasn't done. Asshole came to visit him in his office to continue BRAGGING about what he & his friends had done. He's office mate was flabbergasted as well & then Rambo (my military supervisor & ASSHOLE's as well) came in & STILL ASSHOLE bragged & crowed about how smart he & his friends are to do this.

ASSHOLE was basically called a fucking idiot at this point & that he was no worse than a juvenile delinquent.

Oh, did I mention that ASSHOLE is in his 40ies??? Ummm, yeah

So as the day progressed, Rambo, Digger (the office mate), GI Joe & I talked. Rambo & I went in to a conference room with Hitler to explain what ASSHOLE was about this time. Hitler's reaction was like ours.

My whole point of view is that we should not have to be subjected to working with a self confessed criminal & I want him removed from our offices immediately.

Hitler went to his supervisor IDIOT and true to form, she basically said "suck it up! There is nothing we can do about it"

Complete & utter bullshit!

And then I started to get mad.

Like seriously! What the fuck does this guy have to do to get "fired" from our office (thru his agency of course)?!?! Kill somebody????

Thus started my campaign to get rid of this ASSHOLE once & for all. We 3 ...  myself, Rambo & Digger all sent off tips to Crime Stoppers (the victim probably didn't even file a police report). I got advice from a friend of mine, who is a Mountie. She recommended going thru crime stoppers.

Hitler sent ASSHOLE an email telling him to cease & desist talking about illegal activities in our work environment because  though he cannot control what asshole does when he is away from work, he will not tolerate having his staff having to listen to such offensive behavior

Yeah like that helped. (first thing Asshole did was sneer at Digger)

I demanded that we have a meeting tomorrow, for all staff (minus the contractors) because I think they have a right to know who we are dealing with.

If that doesn't force management to do something about him, then Digger & I have threatened to go to the union & demand that ASSHOLE be removed from our work environment!

It is bad enough that he is a liar, a cheat, a master manipulator & a bully but a self-professed criminal?????

No thank you!

If he can sit there and BRAG in front of no less than 4 people about his misdeeds ... imagine what he is NOT saying?

*sighs*

I haven't had a good scrap in a long time (and I REALLY hate the union too) but I am DONE with this shit.